I am the Lexx. I am the most powerful weapon of destruction in the two universes. I was grown on the Cluster, which is ruled by His Shadow. The food was good there.
My captain is Stanley Tweedle. I blow up planets for him. Stanley used to be a security guard class 4 on the Cluster, until he became a fugitive
This fugitive wanted, for immediate termination
He is my captain now because he got my key from heretics who wanted to steal me
Take us away from here, take us out past the frontier, take us someplace better!
But he was the one who took me away.
Stan was helped by Zev of B3K. She was made into a love slave as punishment for failing to perform her wifely duties, but things went wrong. Now she is part Cluster lizard, so sometimes she is not a nice lady
See ya, lover boy!
A robot head, 790, got part of the love slave transformation that was meant for her
I will love you forever
He is in my crew too. Because she is a love slave, Zev likes men
Hi
except for Stanley Tweedle. The only other man on board is Kai, last of the Brunnen G, but he is dead so he can't make Zev happy. 2000 years ago, Kai's planet was destroyed by His Shadow and all of his people were killed. They kept Kai's body and used him as an assassin
Who would you like me to kill?
but he got his memory back from a Divine Predecessor and then he became part of my crew. The Time Prophet said that Kai would destroy His Shadow's order
They will be destroyed at the hands of the Brunnen G
But that will be hard because his protoblood is running out and he must stay inside a very cold box
Be certain of your need before you choose to reanimate me
My crew are afraid of His Shadow, the ruler of the Light Universe
My priority must now be to end this prophecy
His Shadow wants me back, and he wants his Divine Predecessors back too. But he especially wants Kai destroyed because he is afraid of the prophecy. Zev, Kai and Stan don't want that. They took me beyond His Shadow's reach through a fractal core into the Dark Zone, the universe of evil and chaos
Kai!
And now we are looking for a new home
In the Light Universe, I have been darkness. Perhaps in the Dark Zone, I will be light.

(The bridge of the Lexx. Stan is asleep on the floor, and 790 is watching the view screen)

790: All morn by the Zev Zev
All morn by the Zev I lay
I found her lips pressed to my mouth screen
And welcomed a brand new day

(A tiny capsule is drifting through space. A bald man is inside, in suspended animation. A recorded message is playing)

My name is Karfo Mashet. The children of my planet are dying. My people, the Vorm, have launched me into the unknown vastness of space in order that I might contact intelligent life, who can help us learn how to fight the devastating Macomarian plague which threatens our entire race with extinction. My body, frozen in this suspended form, will drift through the cosmos in desperate search for a cure. Please, kind strangers, help the children of Vorm
COMPUTER: Alert, alert, approaching object detected, organic, possibly intelligent. Revivification sequence activated

(The man opens his eyes)

COMPUTER: Repeat, approaching object detected, alert, alert, approaching object detected, organic

(The capsule crashes into one of the Lexx's eyes, and is totally destroyed)

LEXX: Ouch!
790: I felt her legs wrapped round my tubing
Squeezing my troubles away

All eve by the Zev Zev
All eve by the Zev I lay
I found her fist inside my neck stump
And pleaded for it to stay

(Meanwhile, Zev enters the cryochamber, and looks at the sleeping Kai)

ZEV: You're dead - and I'm dying

(She strokes his cryopod)

(Her moth flies back to the bridge. 790 is now looking at images of planets - including a green and blue planet with one moon)

790: All week by the Zev Zev
All week by the Zev I lay
I felt her breasts against my eye sockets
Causing my circuits to fray

All year by the Zev Zev
All year by the Zev I lay
I found her smile bathing my being
Oh, it should always be this way

790: Zev! I was just thinking of you
ZEV: Again?

(Stan wakes up from a bad dream, covering his crotch)

STAN: Don't touch me!
790: It lives. Welcome back to consciousness, abscess on the pimple of life
STAN: You know, you're pretty yappy for a, a rusty head, thing, who who -
790: The simple protein sack cannot even compose a proper insult
STAN: Yeah, well this protein sack is captain of the ship
790: Was that supposed to be a threat? How biological of you
ZEV: Have you found anything yet? How's it going?
790: I have found 7,400,963 standard planets orbiting dying stars. Any one of them could turn out to be Brunnis, but it will take over 75,000 years to analyse them all
ZEV: Well then - the sooner we get started the better
STAN: Excuse me - did you hear what the appliance said?
ZEV: Yes, I heard
STAN: We are talking about thousands and thousands of years here. If you think captain Stanley H Tweedle is going to spend the rest of his days wandering around the universe looking for some, some lifeless rock - you're wrong
ZEV: Stanley - Brunnis is the original planet of the Brunnen G. If we can find it we might be able to find a way to bring Kai back to life
STAN: Kai - oh, you mean dear departed dead Kai
ZEV: He's not completely dead
STAN: Oh right, I forgot - he's an animated corpse with enough artificial blood to keep him going for ten days. After that, he's dead - as in not coming back to life
ZEV: He saved our lives
STAN: What lives? The ones we're spending lost in the Dark Zone, looking for an abandoned planet? Forget it! The Lexx doesn't go anywhere until captain Stan puts his magic hand on the template
ZEV: Thank you for your help

(She walks away, and flies off in a moth)

790: All morn by the Zev Zev
All morn by the Zev I lay
I felt her tongue along my eye screens
And welcomed a beautiful day

All aft by the Zev Zev
All aft by the Zev I lay

(The pool of misty water far below the bridge starts to bubble. A hand emerges, and Giggerota pulls herself out. She roars)

(Zev is having a shower. Stan is watching)

ZEV: Did you want something Stan?
STAN: Well - yes, ah, yes Zev, I do, er, well, it's like this - you see, I well - look Zev, this is ridiculous. I mean, we're the only two people in this whole universe, right?
ZEV: Except for Kai
STAN: All right, the only two living people in this whole universe, and I just think that we need to try and get along better
ZEV: You want me, don't you Stan?
STAN: Oh, yeah, well, I mean, you were transformed into a love slave
ZEV: The transformation was not completed. They did not get to my mind

(Zev taps the side of her head)

STAN: But, ah, you did admit that your, you know, your sexual needs were somewhat increased
ZEV: My sexual needs were not somewhat increased, Stanley Tweedle - they are now beyond measurement. In fact, they have become almost uncontrollable. I am a white hot volcano of desire. I now have a nearly unquenchable desire for sexual fulfilment. This body needs to be touched, stroked, pleasured
STAN: I'm a volcano too
ZEV: Oh? Then there is only one thing for you to do, Stanley Tweedle
STAN: Yes, yes, yes
ZEV: Go somewhere private, and erupt by yourself

(The moth chamber. Giggerota rips a piece of flesh from a moth)

GIG: Giggerota dines again!

(Zev comes back onto the bridge. 790 is still checking planets)

790: Your most foolish and unimportant desire to find planet Brunnis is my joy to the infinite power of ecstasy to fulfil. However, galaxy of sweetness and light, I have scanned three systems so far, but have found nothing. I believe it is a futile exercise, your loveliness
ZEV: You are right
STAN: He hem. He hem!

(He is standing by the railing around the edge of the bridge)

ZEV: Stan - what are you doing there?
790: I believe he is attempting to put an end to his pathetic life - but he seems to be taking all day!

(Zev walks over to Stan)

STAN: Don't try to stop me, Zev
ZEV: Oh - I wasn't planning to
STAN: I'm going to jump, then you'll be all alone - drifting in a spacecraft you can't control, through an empty universe. What do you think about that?
790: I think you should get on with it
ZEV: Makes sense to me. Realistically Stan, there is just not much to like about you. You're old. Unattractive
STAN: Define unattractive
790: Where to begin?
ZEV: Self-centred. Vain. Weak willed. Treacherous
STAN: But if you just give me a chance, one little chance, maybe you'd learn to love me
ZEV: No
STAN: Well - one more thing before I go. A dying man's last request. Could I - could I have a kiss?

(He puckers up for possibly the most ridiculous kiss in the history of the universe. 790 is horrified, and Xev doesn't look too happy either)

STAN: Well - thunder? Lightning? Electricity? A spark?
ZEV: Uh uh
STAN: You're in love with the dead guy
ZEV: He's not completely dead
STAN: This is incredible. The last available woman in the entire universe, and she's passing me over for a corpse

(Stan slips off the edge of the bridge. Xev grabs his hand)

STAN: Please, don't let go!
ZEV: I thought you wanted to jump
790: He does, he does!
STAN: Please Zev, please!
ZEV: You're really heavy Stan - I don't know if I can hold you
STAN: Yes you can, you can
790: No, no you can't!
STAN: Oh, don't let me fall
ZEV: I'm trying Stan, I'm trying. Maybe -
STAN: Maybe what?
ZEV: Maybe if you help me get to Brunnis I might find some strength
790: Blackmail! Don't do it Tweedle, be a man. Fall, fall!
ZEV: Well?
STAN: Yes, I agree, I agree - we'll go to Brunnis

(Zev hauls him back up onto the bridge)

STAN: How about another kiss?
ZEV: We have a deal Stanley. Let's go get Kai

(Giggerota is already in the cryochamber, looking at Kai's cryopod)

GIG: Hello, sleeping meat

(She shakes the door of Kai's pod, then pulls tubes and starts smashing things. Stan and Zev arrive)

STAN: Giggerota the Wicked!
GIG: Mmm - fresh meat tastes better than frozen. You - you're a waste of skin, but you, girlfriend, Giggerota will eat first

(Suddenly, Kai's brace wraps around her neck)

KAI: Dinner is cancelled

(Giggerota is now tied up in the cryochamber)

STAN: She was gonna eat my liver!
KAI: Leave her on the first inhabitable planet you find
ZEV: Where are you going?
KAI: I will return to cryostasis. The crisis is over. Protoblood limits my time out of the cryotube
ZEV: We want to go to Brunnis
KAI: The planet of my ancestors. Why?
ZEV: Maybe on Brunnis we can find a way for you to live on, out of cryostasis
KAI: Why?
ZEV: I thought you might want that
KAI: I was not aware that the Brunnen G unlocked the secrets of life, and - I do not want
ZEV: I want
STAN: Well - that'll hold her. Guess we should get back to the bridge, start hunting for Brunnis
KAI: What do you mean, hunting?
STAN: Useless piece of robot junk in there doesn't know the right co-ordinates
KAI: I do. This mark (runs his thumb along tattoo) symbolises the journey of my people into the Light Universe. I learned the exact co-ordinates of Brunnis in school
STAN: You mean we're really going?
ZEV: Yes
STAN: Oh

(They arrive at Brunnis. A brownish planet surrounded by satellites, firing energy pulses at the red sun)

790: The energy pulses from these satellites appear to have a stabilising influence upon Brunnis' decaying sun
ZEV: Welcome home Kai
KAI: Not my home. It is the place of my ancestors
STAN: Here we go

(He puts his hand on the template as Lexx heads in to land)

STAN: Deceleration, er, 50% power
LEXX: As you request Stan

(The Lexx suddenly dives downwards, shaking everyone. 790 rolls around the bridge)

790: The man is an idiot!
STAN: 25%?
LEXX: As you request Stan

(More shaking ensues)

790: The man is a moron!
ZEV: Do something!
STAN: I'm concentrating, I'm concentrating!
790: We'll impact the planet's surface in 41 seconds. 40, 39,
STAN: Decrease, er, 15%, ah, 12%
ZEV: Stan!
STAN: Lexx
LEXX: Stan?
790: 22, 21,
STAN: I instruct you to, er

(Kai lowers his hand)

STAN: - land!
LEXX: As you request, Stan

(The Lexx turns, so that the end points down as it descends through the atmosphere. The end fires a blue beam at the planet's surface. As the head end lowers, three blue beams on either side of the body support it. Everyone gets up from the floor of the bridge)

STAN: Perfect landing - yeah
790: The man is a moron!

(Stan, Zev and Kai fly over Brunnis in a moth)

ZEV: It must have been beautiful, once
KAI: As a child I studied my ancestral planet. I never thought I'd see it with my own eyes
STAN: Looks like we missed the party

(They fly over a city, where huge columns fire energy pulses up into the sky)

KAI: They supply power to the stabilisers. Thousands of years ago my ancestors built the stabilisers to prevent their sun from going supernova
STAN: Supernova? Excuse me, but if those floating gizmos is all that's keeping this whole system from exploding, I vote that we cut this trip short
KAI: They seem to be perfectly functional
STAN: Oh yeah? Then where is everybody?
KAI: They left when the Brunnis sun could no longer support life on the planet. Hm
ZEV: Is something wrong?
KAI: In my studies, I learned the Brunnis sky. That star - I did not learn about that star

(He is pointing at a large blue star. They fly over a huge structure shaped like a head, with a path leading into the mouth)

STAN: What is that?
KAI: The memory chamber. Everything they knew was kept in there

(In the cryochamber, Giggerota shoots out an extremely long, sharp tongue)

(The Lexx crew are walking along the path to the head)

STAN: That's one big head

(They stop in front of a pair of large doors)

STAN: Just how exactly do you plan to get us through those doors?

(A beam above the doors scans them, and a hologram of a Brunnen G woman appears)

HOLO: Greetings, travellers. I bid you welcome. Here on Brunnis, within these walls, you will find the combined knowledge of countless generations of -

(She disappears, to be replaced by a hologram of a man in a dinner jacket, with a white scarf, cigarette holder, and a lily in his lapel)

POET: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! Dullness. Ethereal, ephemeral, allegorical dullness. The blunted boredom rises from the gorge of her insufferable lips, and floats like the tedious feather of a long dead bird until it lands, naked with tired memory, next to your fleshy feet - ha! Oh, but she's gone now. Away, away, like all the others, away, away. Only I, Poet Man, have chosen to stay. Well, OK, if the truth be told, it wasn't exactly a choice - but, be that as it may, I welcome you, travellers to the Memory Catacombs of the Brunnen G!

(He bows, and disappears)

STAN: Who's he?
KAI: Poet Man

(The doors open)

STAN: I take it we're going in?
ZEV: Of course
STAN: Of course. Er - who's Poetman?
KAI: A poet, perhaps

(The inside of the building is full of stairs and statues, with a carved ceiling. Poetman reappears, holding a quill)

POET: Days filled with whispers and murmurs and moans
Nights filled with longings, and leavings alone
You know, it was my fault, after all. I knew we were leaving Brunnis - the sun was dying. But we had this farewell party, and I did a few kaboo flowers and - well, you know those kaboo, ha ha! Boo! One too many, and woo! You wake up four days later and the whole planet's empty
And then, like the singing of a sad silent song
You awaken from slumber, and everyone's gone

(Poetman disappears)

ZEV: Let's go

(Back on the Lexx. A moth lands on the platform beside the bridge)

790: Stay on the Lexx, watch the Lexx, mind the Lexx - huh, if I had a body, I'd -

(Giggerota picks up 790)

GIG: Metal head!
790: Leather ass!
GIG: Where is the waste of skin?
790: You refer of course to the recently suicidal Stanley Tweedle
GIG: Skinman flies the big bug. Skinman takes Giggerota to new food
790: I'm afraid that's impossible, oh large and stinking one. Stanley Tweedle is not here
GIG: Where is the waste of skin?
790: I don't know
GIG: Metal head will tell Giggerota, or Giggerota will eat canned food

(Giggerota tries to bite 790)

790: Don't waste your energy attempting to force my co-operation. I have no sense of self-preservation, and can always be reassembled
GIG: Then Metal head takes a trip

(She holds 790 up to throw him, then hears something)

GIG: What's that?
790: Nothing. Just the wind
GIG: Metal head does not tell Giggerota the truth

(She drops 790 on the floor, and leaves)

790: Leather ass makes me want to spew

KAI: I remember pictures of this place. It is a type of library

(They walk through a door, which has a symbol of hand with an eye on it. The Brunnen G woman reappears)

HOLO: Welcome, friends, to the Index Chamber. In this place you may experience for yourself the many wonders of life's rich bounty here on Brunnis

(Her hologram is replaced by that of Poetman)

POET: Oh, enough of her. Look, come on in. Pick a door

(There are several, each with different symbols - an hourglass, a bird, a pair of snakes)

ZEV: Maybe we can find something here that will help you
KAI: I do not seek help
ZEV: What do all these symbols mean?

(Zev steps on a floor tile in front of the door with the hourglass, and the woman reappears)

HOLO: History - the dust that shall be remembered -
POET: Dust! Who wants to be remembered by their dust?!

(Zev takes a step back, and the hologram vanishes. Stan treads on a floor tile in front of the door with a symbol of leaf and fern. The hologram reappears)

HOLO: Nature - rich bounty of life
POET: Nature! - oh, please. Pound nails in my head, but don't ask me to frolic in the wilderness kissing a duck!

(Stan pulls a face, and steps back. The hologram disappears)

STAN: So which one?
ZEV: That one

(She goes to the door with the bird symbol above it)

KAI: The bird is the Brunnen G symbol for life
HOLO: Life - the sweetest mystery
POET: Mystery - ha! Life is the sweetest misery
ZEV: How does it work? I'm going to bring you back to life Kai
POET: That's all I've got left here

(Poetman rants in the background)

POET: I still can't believe they could have forgotten about me. Did not even one person care? We are talking about a superior understanding of contemplative art, not that they ever recognised the beauty of the work, but do they, can they realise the value of their loss? Is this a test? I mean, they did not have the right to leave without me, and they will pay for their loss. That's why I'm talking to you. I am the man. Brunnis is my planet now

KAI: Zev - that symbol is not just life

(Zev puts her hand on the stencils at either side of the door. A glow spreads up the door frame, onto the bird, which glows. A bird flies around Zev, and she vanishes through the door)

ZEV: Kai! Ah!
STAN: Zev!
KAI: I remember. That symbol - it means burst of life
STAN: What's the difference?
KAI: I do not know. We should follow her
STAN: We? Don't look at me, pal - she likes you

(Kai treads on the tile, touches the stencil, and the holograms reappear)

HOLO: Life - the sweetest mystery
POET: Mystery - ha! Life is the sweetest misery

(Kai vanishes)

STAN: Hey, wait a sec! What am I supposed to do?

(On the Lexx. In the P Chamber, the Divine Predecessors are calling Giggerota - and she arrives)

DPS: Giggerota, we call you. Giggerota, we seek you - come, come, come. Giggerota, we want you, Giggerota
GIG: Well, well
DP: Giggerota the Wicked
GIG: Thinking meat
DP: Welcome, great Giggerota, Giggerota the Wicked

(She grabs a brain)

GIG: Giggerota wants the taste of skin, not meat in bowls
DP: Yes, yes, we understand. You're looking for Stanley Tweedle
GIG: Giggerota needs skin waste to fly the big bug
DP: Is that all you want?
GIG: Yes
DP: Come now - surely there must be something else you desire besides the big bug machine?
GIG: Giggerota likes - to eat!

(She bites into the brain, but spits it out)

GIG: Ah! No good! Too salty!
DP: We are all salty
DP: Mouldy!
GIG: Giggerota will try another!

(She treads on the brain she has just bitten)

DP: Don't eat us, you need us
GIG: Giggerota only needs the waste of skin to fly the big bug wherever Giggerota wants
DP: Giggerota - we are the predecessors of His Divine Shadow. He will not rest until he has us and his ship back. No matter where you take the Lexx, His Shadow will find you. Your tortures will be legendary, and death would be a sweet release. Do you understand?
GIG: Yes - Giggerota will try - another!

(She reaches for another brain)

DP: Wait - does Giggerota really want to eat two thousand year old brains, or would Giggerota prefer this?

(The brain hits her with a blast of energy. A vision of a young man, drinking a goblet of milk, and spilling half of it down his chest. Two more men, wearing only shorts and shoes, carry a covered silver tray to a table where Giggerota is waiting, knife and fork in hand. The cover is removed to reveal a smiling young man with a milk moustache, curled up on the tray surrounded by flowers and vegetables)

DP: Dexter 9. The secret planet of the milk fed boys. Sweet, tender flesh. Delicious skin. And bone marrow you can suck on for days
GIG: Giggerota wants
DP: Giggerota can have, and more, but you must help us first. We possess the memories of the many thousands we killed, including some who lived on Brunnis. We will guide you through its secrets. If you follow our instructions, and rid us of a great problem, we will fulfil your plumpest dreams

(Stan is pacing in the Index chamber)

STAN: What is the matter with you, Tweedle? why don't you follow them? Why don't you just walk into that door and go right on through? 'Cause you're a coward, that's why

(Poetman appears)

POET: Hey there. I've got a question for you. What burns inside? I'll tell you - loneliness. And realising that this is the way it's always going to be. The empty echoes of the heart. (laughs) That's one of my lines - oh, the irony of it all. You know what you want. That warm embrace. That effervescent bubbling tingle, that feeling, that thing called -
STAN: Love
POET: Lurrve - ha! There's no love here - but through there lies the great possibility, the unknown, the mysterious. Now, how badly do you want it? If you're really able to go the distance, say "I want love"
STAN: Huh?
POET: Say it "I want love. I want love!"
STAN: I want love
POET: Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah baby! - you gonna git it

(The symbol of two snakes above the door lights up. The light surrounds Stan, and he disappears)

(Zev is sleeping, spinning on a starry background. She wakes up and hears a voice)

HOLO: Welcome, friend. You have chosen a glorious path. Our experiences become our memories. The remembered events of our lives remain potent, influencing us far beyond their actual time. We relive them always
MOTHER: It's not that we don't love you Zev, really it isn't

(Zev turns, to see a huge hologram of her parents)

FATHER: It's just that sometimes children don't turn out the way you expect. That's all
MOTHER: They don't meet the standard
FATHER: It's nothing personal
MOTHER: They'll look after you just fine in the holo-care home
FATHER: They're professionals

(Stan is walking though a black and red lava lamp background)

STAN: Where am I?

(Poetman appears)

POET: Love. A dove in the sky
Pretty bird, can you not see me waving?
The sound of the spheres echoes my heart
As I lay me down beside a buxom dart

(He laughs)

You wouldn't believe the amount of ass I got with that one. Ah

(A light shines on Stan's crotch and his eyes. A sign showing a Brunnen G man and woman appears, flickers, and blows a fuse)

COMPUTER: Male, Male, Male, Male... Female, Female, Female, Female, Female
POET: Yes! A female! I will live again
STAN: A what?!
POET: You are the fertile female I've been waiting for
STAN: What do you mean? Your machine must be busted or something, buddy. I'm not fertile, I'm not even female. I'm Stanley Tweedle, I'm all man!
POET: Have I got a surprise for you

(Chains grab hold of Stan)

STAN: Lemmee go!
POET: Right this way, oh fertile object of abandoned desire

(The chains pick Stan up, and pull him away)

(Zev is looking at a hologram of her matron, seen through bars)

MATRON: And now Zev, repeat after me - "Are you comfortable, darling?"
YOUNGZEV: "Are you comfortable, darling?"
MATRON: Very good Zev. Your reading was an 8.3% deviation from standard. At this rate you will be eligible for the wife bank in less than six years. Doesn't that make you happy?

(Zev shakes her head. She is nearly in tears)

YOUNGZEV: Happy happy matron
MATRON: Good
HOLO: Those memories are your history, and as such cannot be changed, but you have chosen your own future. Here, in this chamber, your suffering ends, and your burst of life begins

(The background changes to blue and purple, arches and stars. Kai is there, dressed as he was when he was alive)

KAI: Zev? Zev!
ZEV: Kai - you're -
KAI: Alive!
ZEV: Alive
KAI: And I want you

(He takes her hands, and they start to sing)

KAI: I'm alive -
ZEV: You're alive
KAI: So alive, and now I, forever -
ZEV: Forever -
KAI: And ever -
BOTH: Will love you

(They dance)

KAI: Forever -
ZEV: And ever -
KAI: And ever -
BOTH: Will love you

(Kai fades away. Zev opens her eyes to see she is in what looks like an old abandoned factory)

ZEV: Kai?

(A light surrounds her, and she disappears)

(Elsewhere, Stan is held in a chair)

STAN: Look, I don't know what's going on here, but you're making a big mistake
POET: Now, where were we? Oh yes - the act of creation. The procreation of the creative. The creation of a new "creator" And I have to confess, I was getting worried there for a while. I was afraid I was going to be the last of my line - a catastrophic disaster for the universe, if you ask me. But my voice will not be silenced so easily. The truly creative can always create in unorthodox ways. Now, I'm sorry if it is a little rough on you, but you know something? - I like a little bruising. It adds a certain - hue

(A canister opens, and vapour rushes out of it)

POET: After all - you don't pour this kind of creativity down the drain

(He sniffs the lily on his lapel. A syringe full of a milky liquid is raised form the canister)

POET: My line will live again

(Poetman laughs)

(Zev wakes up on a slab. Robot hands are holding her down. Kai is on another slab next to her)

ZEV: Kai - what is this?
KAI: I believe it is the burst of life

(Poetman appears on a monitor)

POET: Burst - was the key word there. Life - burst. Bubble - burst. Bladder - burst. See - the meaning is for sale, friend - and you just bought it

(Kai's slab splits, spreading his legs apart. Motors start up, and a blade heads towards him)

HOLO: Citizen, you have chosen death, and through it the gift of eternal life

POET: Being dead will not stop me. What is it, the body? Just a shell. A shallow, shaky shell. And the soul may not be eternal, but the seed will always grow

(The syringe is slotted into another device, which moves closer to Stan)

POET: Now my seed has a vessel
STAN: You gotta be kidding me

(The blades are moving closer to Kai)

HOLO: Your death will not be quick. It will be played out to allow your thoughts, your knowledge, your memory to spill out at a rate that can be properly absorbed, but you will feel no pain, embraced as you are in the burst of life

(The blades stop)

POET: So - you're on the slab, and you've chosen to be sliced in two. Congratulations. I thought about taking the razor ride but - no. They don't deserve my memories in their library of little minds

(The blades start up again)

ZEV: Kai!

(Stan squirms as the blades move closer to his crotch)

POET: Woman. Softness. Breasts. Touch. I imagine you. I think of you. I possess you
STAN: I'm not a woman!
POET: I think you'll agree this calls for a poem
STAN: You're nuts!
POET: Floating along the whispering surf, searching for a home
I spy a beach - thou, like a fecund dream
And enter your -

(A rock smashes the device, and the syringe retreats)

STAN: Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
STAN: Who is it? Zev? Kai?
GIG: Guess again, skinman
STAN: What are you doing here?
GIG: Ah, how about a thank you?
STAN: Just get me outta here, will ya?
GIG: Giggerota and skinman will be a team now, OK?
STAN: What?
GIG: Giggerota is on skinman's side now, cross Giggerota's stomachs. Giggerota and skinman will work together
STAN: Where are Zev and Kai?
GIG: Girlfriend and boyfriend are back on the big bug. Now - does Giggerota and skinman have a deal?
STAN: Hmm

POET: Eternal life? Not exactly. That's a sales job. It's just blades and bone and blood, friend. You're going to be nothing but data on a disc, that no-one will ever care about

(The blade moves between Kai's legs -)

ZEV: No! Kai!

( - up his chest - and stops. Light from above shines on Kai's face. A disc is slotted into the machine. Memories start to travel up along the light, and onto the disc. Then the blade carries on through Kai's head)

ZEV: Kai!

(Zev sobs as the two halves of Kai fall to the floor, leaving a plastic sheet with his outline in the middle of the slab)

(Stan and Giggerota are walking along a corridor)

STAN: Are you sure this is the right way? I don't remember this stuff
GIG: Trust Giggerota. Giggerota knows the way

(She bangs on the side of a door, which opens)

STAN: Where are you going?
GIG: Skinman stay here

(She goes through the door, which closes behind her)

STAN: I'll just wait here, then? OK? Hello?

(Kai's disc is removed and attached to the sheet on the slab, which is picked up and carried away)

HOLO: Two together. To share the burst of life with another is the greatest gift, and so it shall be

(Zev's legs are spread apart. The machines start up)

POET: So - you're on the slab, and you've chosen to be sliced in two. Congratulations

(Stan hears a noise. He bangs on the wall, then kicks the door - which hits him in the face as it opens. He goes in and sees Giggerota on the other side of a chasm, touching some controls. She pushes a block into the wall -
- and Zev's machine stops)

VOICE: Main power cells are now being diverted to deactivation of stabiliser controls
Notice - you have begun destabilisation procedure

(The stabiliser columns switch off, and start to lower)

VOICE: Deactivation of stabiliser control will result in total decay of the Brunnis sun and full supernova
STAN: Supernova!
VOICE: The resulting supernova explosion will consume this planet and the surrounding solar system in exactly 47 minutes and 11 seconds

(Stan carefully walks across the bridge to Giggerota)

VOICE: 47 minutes from stabiliser deactivation
STAN: What are you doing? You're gonna kill us all!
GIG: Not all. Only girlfriend and boyfriend. Giggerota and skinman will fly away on the big bug
STAN: You said they were already on the Lexx
GIG: Even Giggerota lies sometimes. Giggerota made deal with brains

(Stan touches the block and it slides back out)

VOICE: Power is returned to all regular systems

(Zev's blade starts again. The stabiliser columns go up and resume firing energy pulses)

VOICE: Thank you. Stabilisers reactivated
GIG: Skinny? Giggerota's sorry. Giggerota just wanted to be alone with skinman
STAN: Really?
GIG: Giggerota thinks skinman is soft. Giggerota thinks skinman is beautiful. Leave girlfriend and boyfriend behind. Giggerota and skinman make Lexx their very own private love ship

(She wraps Stan's arms around her)

STAN: Love ship? What exactly do you mean by love ship?
GIG: Giggerota has big appetites - and not just for food. Giggerota wants to make love forever. Does skinman wanna make love to Giggerota?

(She puts Stan's hands on her breasts. He almost enjoys it, then he comes to his senses and backs away)

STAN: I won't leave Zev and Kai. I won't leave my friends
GIG: OK

(She hits Stan in the face, and pushes the block back in)

VOICE: Main power is now being diverted from regular systems to deactivation of stabilisers

(The columns go up. Giggerota carries Stan across the bridge, but he knocks her over, goes back to the controls, and gets the block out)

VOICE: Stabilisers reactivated. Power is being returned to all regular systems

(Zev's blade starts up again)

(Giggerota and Stan are on the bridge. He hits her, and she grabs him)

GIG: Giggerota is tired of skin games

(She punches him)

GIG: Waste of skin

(Her tongue shoots out and bites Stan's right hand off)

GIG: Giggerota does not need waste of skin to fly big bug. Giggerota just needs waste of skin's hand

(Giggerota uses Stan's hand to push the block back in, then licks her fingers)

VOICE: Main power is now being diverted from regular systems to deactivation of stabilisers

(The columns go down. The blades stop)

(Stan wraps his stump and staggers through corridors, into a room full of plastic sheets. He puts his hand on a disc and sees a memory)

GENERAL: And it is with great pride that I confer upon you, Krato, the medal of ultimate honour for defeating the insects at the battle of Wirin. All Brunnen G, all human race are forever in your debt

(Stan staggers on. He touches another disc, and sees a hand, writing)

BG: Days pass quickly now, and our sun continues to die. I fear that one day, Brunnis will do the same, and we will have to leave, go to -

(Stan collapses, pulling a sheet down over his face. He sees a memory of the Time Prophet, speaking to an unseen man)

TIME: Stanley Tweedle
BG: Stanley Tweedle? Time Prophet, my name is not Stanley Tweedle. My name is, er -
TIME: It matters not. By seeing into the future past, I know that 5000 years after your death, Stanley Tweedle will visit the Brunnen G memory catacombs. He will touch your memory
BG: Ah, but my question was about the mineral deposits on Aureliun 4 -
TIME: Forget about the mineral deposits! This is important. Stanley, you are the only one who can save Kai and Zev. You must go to section 83, row 249, plot 35. There you will find a stone cover. Lift it
BG: But -
TIME: Go now!

(Stan gets up)

STAN: Section 83, row 249, plot - 30?

(He can't remember, so he goes back and touches the sheet again)

TIME: 5!
STAN: All right

VOICE: Deactivation of stabilisers is now entering stage 2

(The sun is glowing brightly. A moth heads back to the Lexx. Giggerota walks onto the bridge)

790: Giggerota - where is the perfect arrangement of carbon molecules, my beloved Zev?
GIG: Girlmeat decided to stay on Brunnis. Girlmeat and boymeat decided to live happily ever after
790: What have you done with her?

(Giggerota puts Stan's hand on a pole to place it on the template)

GIG: Lexx - set course radius 4497 inverse axis 027
790: Leather ass, I insist that you tell me what you have done with the magnificent Zev!
GIG: Lexx, set course radius 4497 inverse axis 027!
790: Poor beautiful Zev - something terrible has happened, I calculate it
GIG: Bug! Giggerota has the hand. Let's get moving!

(She roars, then kicks 790 off the bridge, into the water)

(Stan is looking between the plastic sheets)

STAN: Section 83, row 246, 247, 248, 249, plot 35 - 32, 33, 34 - 35

(He raises the stone cover, which has ropes running down through it. He looks down and sees Zev on the slab)

ZEV: Who is it? Who's there?
STAN: Zev?
ZEV: Stan?
STAN: Are you all right?
ZEV: Please - just get me out of here
STAN: OK - er - how?

VOICE: Supernova will occur in 24 minutes and 38 seconds

(Giggerota is in the P Chamber, biting brains and throwing them on the floor)

GIG: Brains lied! Brains betrayed Giggerota!
DPS: No - Giggerota, listen to us. You were supposed to bring back Stanley Tweedle, not just his hand
DP: The Lexx knows his voice. It only responds to him
DP: Yes, get Stanley Tweedle and bring him here
DP: The stabilisers are almost fully retracted. You must hurry, or we will all be destroyed. Go, go, go!
GIG: Giggerota will bring back waste of skin, but this is not over

(She leaves. The Divine Predecessors start to laugh)

ZEV: Stan, come on!
STAN: Wait, hold on, I think I can find a way down to you. there must be stairs or something

(As a column lowers, the blue star's light becomes visible. It shines through the eyes of the giant head, onto Stan)

VOICE: Destabilisation procedure complete. Supernova will commence in 18 minutes and 6 seconds

(The blades start up again)

ZEV: Stan!
STAN: Zev!
ZEV: Stan!

(Stan grabs onto the rope, which id holding Kai's memory sheet. Stan swings down into the slab chamber, but gets stuck halfway. The blue light shines on Kai's memory disc. The blades move closer)

STAN: Zev!

(Blue light shines onto the left hand side of Kai - his fingers twitch. His brace fires into the machine, stopping it. The two halves of his head reattach, and he checks the join)

KAI: I'm feeling altogether better
ZEV: Thank you
KAI: It was that star
STAN: Excuse me - Help!

(Giggerota's moth flies from the Lexx. She pulls a piece off to eat, and the moth squeals)

GIG: Shut up, flying meat

(The Divine Predecessors are trying to mimic Stan's voice)

DPS: Lexx. Lexx. Lexx. Lexx, this is Stanley Tweedle. This is Stanley Tweedle. This is Stanley Tweedle. This is Stanley Tweedle

(Kai and Zev are now in the chamber with the plastic sheets. Kai pulls Stan up through the hole)

ZEV: What happened to your hand?
STAN: Giggerota took it
ZEV: Giggerota?
STAN: Just before she turned off the stabilisers
KAI: Then the sun will supernova

DPS: Lexx, I am your captain. Depart this planet immediately. Lexx, do you hear me? Depart this planet immediately. This is Stanley Tweedle, Lexx, do you hear me? Depart this planet immediately

(The template finally activates)

LEXX: As you instruct, Stan

(On the moth's view screen, Giggerota sees the Lexx taking off)

GIG: What? No, you lying thinkmeat. Giggerota will eat you all!

(She steers the moth back towards the Lexx. The Lexx crew come out of the front doors in time to see the Lexx leaving)

STAN: Oh great, that's just great. I knew we should have dumped her in space. She made a deal with the brains. First she turns off the stabilisers and gets rid of us, and now she's stealing the Lexx
KAI: A sensible deal, perhaps
ZEV: What?
KAI: I am the last of the Brunnen G. The end of me means the end of the prophecy. I cannot be the one who destroys their order when I no longer exist
ZEV: That's no deal. Stan, we've got to turn the stabilisers back on, now

(Giggerota roars, as she realises she can't catch up with the Lexx)

(Stan, Zev and Kai are in the stabiliser control room)

VOICE: Supernova will commence in 11 minutes 6 seconds
ZEV: All right Stan, you watched her, you know how to do this
STAN: All right, all right. Look, I'm not very good under pressure. OK - I was standing here, and I reached out my hand like this, and I - it was this one

(He touches a block. It comes out - red light fills the room, and the door slams shut)

VOICE: Notice -you have selected incorrect access to the stabilisation control system. This is a violation of the Stabiliser Control Act, code 1, subsection 1, paragraph 1. If your next selection is incorrect, you will be destroyed
STAN: She bit my hand off! I'm having a little trouble thinking here, all right?
VOICE: You have ten heartbeats to make your selection. Please try again
ZEV: OK Stan, think
STAN: OK, OK, er, er, this one
ZEV: Maybe?
KAI: You must be certain
STAN: OK, I know, I know which one it was, er,
ZEV: Stan. Stan!
STAN: I know - it was this one!

(He touches a block - it's the right one. The red light switches off)

VOICE: Thank you. Stabilisers reactivated. Power is being returned to all regular systems

(Giggerota lands the moth and gets out. She doesn't realise she's landed on one of the columns, until it starts to rise)

GIG: What?

ZEV: Stan, you did it

(She hugs him)

VOICE: Stabilisation of the Brunnis sun will occur in 12 minutes 15 seconds
STAN: Once again, Manly Stanley saves the day
KAI: I think not

(He looks at the timer on the wall)

VOICE: Supernova will commence in 10 minutes 43 seconds
STAN: Well, what's that mean?
KAI: It means that the prophecy is false. The last of the Brunnen G will expire while His Shadow still lives
ZEV: No. There must be something we can do. Can't we make them go up faster?
STAN: It's not fair, it's just not fair

(He starts touching blocks at random)

KAI: There is nothing more we can do

(Poetman appears)

POET: Too late. Look at my face - it's the last one you're ever going to see

(Poetman laughs, then vanishes)

KAI: Would you care to join me in watching the supernova? It is a once in a lifetime experience

(Kai walks across the bridge. Stan and Zev follow)

(Giggerota's moth flies away, laughing, leaving Giggerota stranded on top of the column)

GIG: No! Come back here, flying meat. Giggerota commands you. Come back!

(The Lexx crew come out of the front doors, and see the sun and blue star. Zev stands next to Kai)

ZEV: It's beautiful

(Kai puts his arm around Zev. She looks at Stan, and reaches her hand out for him to hold)

(The Lexx leaves Brunnis)

790: Oh universe of heartbreak

(Blue star moves closer to the sun. Zev closes her eyes and leans her head on Kai's shoulder)

POET: Boom!

(Stan unscrews his eyes to look at the sun. Zev looks up too. Blue star moves closer. Kai walks forward to watch as the sun and blue star start spinning around each other. They shoot out a beam of blue energy which grabs the Lexx, pulling it back to Brunnis)

DP: We must leave this system immediately. Why are you disobeying Stanley Tweedle?
LEXX: I do as you request
DP: Then why are you not leaving this system at once?
LEXX: I am being controlled by something far more powerful than me

(The brains wail as the Lexx lands on Brunnis again)

KAI: Who are you?
BSUN: I am Brunnis Sun
BSTAR: I am Blue Star
BOTH: We are together, Kai, last of the Brunnen G
KAI: You know my name?
BOTH: Yes. We knew long before you were born that you, Kai, would be enslaved by His Shadow, that you would escape to the Dark Zone, and that you would come to Brunnis
ZEV: But I was the one who suggested coming here
BOTH: Yes, that you did, Zev of B3K
STAN: Er, excuse me, but if you know so much, er - could you tell us our future?
BOTH: No
STAN: Oh
BOTH: We will tell you that today is not your day to enjoy death. Today is our day - to supernova, together

(Sun and Blue star are spinning closer now)

BOTH: We will see you again, in the next cycle of time, as we saw you in the last
BSTAR: Goodbye
BSUN: Goodbye
STAN: Well, come on, let's go, you heard 'em

(Stan heads for the Lexx. Zev turns to see Kai standing by the door, playing with his hair)

ZEV: Kai?
KAI: I have only a little artificial life left. The planet of my ancestors is as good a place as any
Goodbye Zev
ZEV: No. You were brought back for a reason

(Zev holds out her hand)

ZEV: Come with us Kai. Come with me

(On the Lexx, Stan sees his hand on the pole. He moves past it and gets up on the pedestal. Zev and Kai come onto the bridge)

STAN: Lexx - take us out of this system as fast as you can
LEXX: As you request, Stan

(The Lexx takes off. The Sun and Blue star are dancing quickly now. The Lexx flies past the satellites. On top of the column, Giggerota watches)

GIG: Yes! Yes! Put on a show for Giggerota the Wicked! Put on a show, ha ha ha!

(The sun and Blue star merge, implode, explode. Giggerota is vaporised. The Lexx flies ahead of the wave of flame which consumes Brunnis. Kai watches it on the view screen)

KAI: Thank you

(790 is still stuck in the water)

790: All night of the Zev Zev
All night of the Zev I did dream, dream - Ohh!

(Kai's brace catches hold of 790 and pulls him out of the water)

(Stan's hand is in a tube of liquid, hooked up to 790. Stan puts his stump into the tube)

STAN: That stings
790: Oh, buck up, whiner. I remind you I'm only fixing you because Zev asked me to
STAN: Yikes
790: There - you're finished
STAN: Hey, bolt brain - I've got two left hands!
790: Looks fine to me

(Stan puts his hand back in the tube)

(In the cryochamber, Kai is getting into his cryopod)

ZEV: We are going to bring you life, I promise
KAI: And if not, the rest of my protoblood will be spent with you
ZEV: Kai -
KAI: It's what I want

(Kai's cryopod closes. Zev stands and looks at it)

(Stan's hand has now been fixed properly)

790: I wish Leather ass had bitten off your head

(Zev comes onto the bridge)

ZEV: Stan - take us out of here
STAN: OK, Lexx - let's see if we can find us a new home
LEXX: As you wish, Stan.

© Filking Fairy