I am the Lexx. I am the most powerful weapon of destruction in the two universes. I was grown on the Cluster, which is ruled by His Shadow. The food was good there.
My captain is Stanley Tweedle. I blow up planets for him. Stanley used to be a security guard class 4 on the Cluster, until he became a fugitive
This fugitive wanted, for immediate termination
He is my captain now because he got my key from heretics who wanted to steal me
Take us away from here, take us out past the frontier, take us someplace better!
But he was the one who took me away.
Stan was helped by Zev of B3K. She was made into a love slave as punishment for failing to perform her wifely duties, but things went wrong. Now she is part Cluster lizard, so sometimes she is not a nice lady
See ya, lover boy!
A robot head, 790, got part of the love slave transformation that was meant for her
I will love you forever
He is in my crew too. Because she is a love slave, Zev likes men
Hi
except for Stanley Tweedle. The only other man on board is Kai, last of the Brunnen G, but he is dead so he can't make Zev happy. 2000 years ago, Kai's planet was destroyed by His Shadow and all of his people were killed. They kept Kai's body and used him as an assassin
Who would you like me to kill?
but he got his memory back from a Divine Predecessor and then he became part of my crew. The Time Prophet said that Kai would destroy His Shadow's order
They will be destroyed at the hands of the Brunnen G
But that will be hard because his protoblood is running out and he must stay inside a very cold box
Be certain of your need before you choose to reanimate me
My crew are afraid of His Shadow, the ruler of the Light Universe
My priority must now be to end this prophecy
His Shadow wants me back, and he wants his Divine Predecessors back too. But he especially wants Kai destroyed because he is afraid of the prophecy. Zev, Kai and Stan don't want that. They took me beyond His Shadow's reach through a fractal core into the Dark Zone, the universe of evil and chaos
Kai!
And now we are looking for a new home
In the Light Universe, I have been darkness. Perhaps in the Dark Zone, I will be light.

TIME: I am the Time Prophet. I have been gifted to see more or less into the cycles of time. I know that in the future past, the Brunnen G civilisation led humanity to victory in the great Insect Wars
I know that centuries later the descendants of the Brunnen G were exterminated by His Shadow's Divine Order, and I know that Kai, the last of his people to die, had his life taken by His Shadow himself. Kai's memory was stolen, and his mindless corpse was reanimated from time to time by protoblood to become an assassin for His Shadow, and the line of Divine Shadows that followed. But after 2000 years Kai regained his memory, and along with Stanley Tweedle and Zev Bellringer of B3K, escaped into the Dark Zone. His Shadow pursued them, and Kai killed the body that contained his former master. His Shadow's evil essence returned to the Cluster, The Divine Order's seat of power, and there, contained inside a still living brain, the essence awaited the time of the Divine Rebirth, a rebirth I fear beyond the Insect Wars
But before the Rebirth, there first came the Cleansing. The Cleansing was the feeding of all human life, from thousands of planets, into the hungry depths of the Cluster. It was an unparalleled orgy of death - the old, the young, the weak, the strong, the willing

CLERIC: Take me!

and the unwilling

HOLOCLERIC: In the execution of this sentence you are hereby cleansed. Rejoice!

(Bones and blood everywhere. A fleeing man is killed by drones, who then kill themselves. A machine decorated almost like a clown drives over the man, leaving just his stripped skeleton behind. A meaty paste comes out of the front of the machine, and drops down along organic passageways, towards a giant brain)

All were stripped of their flesh, to feed the Rebirth. Upon the death of the last human on the Cluster, the Cleansing was complete. The meat from countless millions of slaughtered souls was fed into the greedy belly of the Cluster. The time of the GigaShadow was at hand. Clerics loyal to His Shadow had long prayed for the Rebirth. For them, there was no higher calling than to be one of the eight chosen to oversee the ritual, and now, after thousands of years, eight were finally called forth

(Eight clerics walk past the skeletons. The last one is Yottskry)

But fear of the Divine Order had chilled the blood of much of humankind. and seeds of doubt had taken root in the most unlikely soil

(The clerics stand in a circle around a console at the base of His Divine Shadow's pillar)

WHITEBEARD: The cleansing is complete. Ours is not to question. Ours is not to understand. Ours is to feed order. We worship His Divine Shadow. The Rebirth of the GigaShadow has come
ALL: Oh Divine, Merciful, Shadow, Oh Divine Merciful One. Glory to you and the Rebirth. Praise for what you will become
YOTT: Praise for what you will become
CLERIC: The glory of the Divine Mystery takes precedence over a single life
ALL: We worship His Shadow. We await His Shadow. The GigaShadow is the end, and it is the beginning. First will come the Cleansing, which will feed the Rebirth

(The cleric places his hands on either side of console and lowers his head. A bright light cuts his head off. His body drops to the ground and the console descends. A template similar to the Lexx control appears. The pillar starts to rise towards an orifice, which is opening)

ALL: The GigaShadow is the new life beyond order, a time of pain and rejoicing. We await the GigaShadow. The GigaShadow is the end and it is the beginning

WHITEBEARD: The time is at hand

(He puts a dagger to the neck of the cleric to his right, as do all the clerics in the circle)

TIME: For thousands of years, each Divine Shadow passed his evil essence onto a human host, that in turn became the next His Shadow. The rebirth marked the final passing of the shadow essence. His Shadow's brain was to ascend into an orifice that waited above its pillar. Its essence would pass to the GigaShadow, and the Rebirth would begin

BLACKBEARD: I will not fail, dear Brother Yottskry
YOTT: Better not
WHITEBEARD: Brothers, it is our gift that we have been chosen to bear sacrificial -
BLACKBEARD: No! The GigaShadow must not be!

(He breaks from the circle and tries to put some sort of key into the template. He is stabbed by the longhaired cleric, and drops the key)

CLERIC: The key!
WHITEBEARD: Blasphemer!

(Blackbeard cleric falls into the forcefield around the template and is vaporised. Crewcut cleric tries to cut Whitebeard cleric's throat. Yottskry pulls out a sword. A cleric grabs the key and throws it into the template, then he is vaporised)

HDS: Yes, yes

(His pillar starts to descend)

HDS: No, no, no!

(Whitebeard stabs Crewcut. Yottskry stabs longhaired cleric)

WHITEBEARD: Come on then, Yottskry
YOTT: I must stop this madness

(He goes to attack Whitebeard, but Black cleric throws a dagger into Yottskry's neck)

WHITEBEARD: What are you waiting for? Move!

(Crewcut stabs Whitebeard)

WHITEBEARD: Remove the key!

(Black cleric pulls out key. Pillar starts to rise again. Crewcut kills Black cleric, and jumps onto pillar)

HDS: Heretic! Stop him!

(Crewcut tries to grab the brain)

CREWCUT: The GigaShadow must not - ah!

(Whitebeard jumps on Crewcut, and stabs him in the back Crewcut shoves Whitebeard off the pillar, which is now almost up to the orifice)

WHITEBEARD: No!
HDS: The rebirth must begin. The GigaShadow must live
CREWCUT: Never!

(He grabs the brain, and falls with it off the pillar)

TIME: None of the eight, loyal or disloyal, survived. The rebirth was stopped - for now

(Smoor is massaging Feppo, while they look at holograms of muscular men)

SMOOR: On your stomach, please
FEPPO: I called him the Taskmaster. The Pipe fitter. The Pump - an insatiable mute, who redefined perpetual motion, ha ha
SMOOR: Tell me, who was your all time favourite, Feppo?
FEPPO: Smoor, I'm getting all misty eyed. Stanley, Stanley Tweedle. His squeals! Will I ever again experience such beautiful music?

(The hologram shows Smoor cutting Stanley's uniform open, exposing his nipples)

(On the Lexx. Stan, Zev and 790 are in the galley)

STAN: OK, something sweet, but not too sweet, but not too rich, sweet though, fruity, on the fluffy side of creamy - but not soggy like last time, crispy on the outside would be nice
LEXX: As you wish, Stan
ZEV: Stan

(Stan is busy tasting the food)

STAN: Mm Mmm
ZEV: Stan!
STAN: Way less sulphur taste than yesterday
LEXX: I do my best, Stan
790: All night by the Zev, Zev
All night by the Zev I did lie
As she whispered sweet nothing to Stanley -
While plunging a fork in his eye!

(Stan blows a raspberry)

790: All day by the Stan, Stan
All day by the Stan I rejoiced
As I manned the controls of a great machine -
That peeled off his skin in sheets, and vacuumed out his rancid guts before shredding his stinking carcass into a cesspool of maggots

(Stan throws food at 790)

ZEV: Stan!
STAN: Out of the question
ZEV: We have to get Kai more protoblood or we'll lose him forever
STAN: Look, of course I want to help, but protoblood can only be found back at the Cluster
ZEV: So?
STAN: So?! Well, for one thing, we don't know the way back and we'd have to go through the fractal core again
ZEV: 790 - do you know the way back through the fractal core?
790: It is not a course I would recommend, bio-mass of beauty
ZEV: Answer
790: The fractal core has exactly the same attributes in both universes. We could pass back through it into the Light Zone by precisely reversing our entry trajectory route
STAN: Going back to the Cluster is completely crazy. If His Divine Shadow's forces didn't kill us, somebody would! It's not on, Zev. Besides - and I'm sorry to keep saying this - Kai is meat in a freezer
790: Rotting dead meat
STAN: I am alive. If you need a man that bad - here I am
790: Stanley Tweedle, a man - ha!

(Zev walks away)

(In the cryochamber, there is an egg. Zev doesn't see this, as she's stroking Kai's cryopod )

ZEV: Kai

(She walks away, then stops as she hears the pod open. Kai sits on the floor in front of it)

ZEV: Kai?
KAI: Yo A O. Yo A O Hom Var Ray
ZEV: Why are you up from cryo-stasis?
KAI: Because this machine is no longer functioning. Yo A O Hom Var Ray
ZEV: I like to hear you sing. It makes me feel something
KAI: Do not feel too much, for I'll only be singing for a short time longer
ZEV: Your protoblood?
KAI: - is almost expired
ZEV: How long?
KAI: I don't know - days. Perhaps hours. You will know when I stop singing. Yo A O

(Zev sits down beside him)

ZEV: Don't you want to live?
KAI: I'm an animated corpse - a mockery of life. I do not have wants
ZEV: I don't care what you are. I don't want to lose you. It's obvious - we have to go back to the Cluster, to get you more protoblood
KAI: I have no wish to endanger you or Stan by undertaking such a voyage
ZEV: What danger? His Shadow is dead
KAI: His Shadow is alive
ZEV: Alive? How? You sliced the top of his head off, we saw him die
KAI: You saw his body die. His brain was not inside. It still lives. Yo A Ra Jerum Brunnen G
ZEV: But, if he really is alive, shouldn't you do something about it? Doesn't the prophecy motivate you?
KAI: Though I am an integral part of it, the prophecy will be, or not be, as it is in the cycle of time. In any event, I do not experience motivation
ZEV: Then perhaps someone has to experience it for you

(Stan is in the P Chamber, talking to the Divine Predecessors)

STAN: There's no reason why I should trust you, there's no reason for you to trust me, and basically there's a huge gulf between us. There's nothing to gain in that. So how are we supposed to develop a dialogue?
DP: What type of dialogue are we supposed to develop, Stanley Tweedle?
STAN: One based on sharing, you know, feelings, thoughts, concerns. A little communication can go a long way, you know
DP: We are happy to communicate with security guard 4th class
STAN: Formerly class 2
DP: In fact, by reaching into the great storehouse of our all-encompassing knowledge, we have summoned an episode from your past. Journey back with us eight and a half years, security guard. Remember this?

(A small ship in space. Stan is inside, wearing the uniform from Feppo's hologram)

STAN: We're all human, and of course as a man I have certain desires, so what really is wrong with expressing them? What I mean, commander, is, we all know the reputation of the women on Celes, and here we are with the Celes pleasure transport practically next door for the first time this century, and with my job I'm not always a hundred percent busy, so I thought - why not? you know

(His ship approaches some asteroids. The view screen shows a guard)

GUARD: Vessel approaching at 3 quadrant, identify yourself
STAN: It's me, assistant deputy backup courier Stanley Tweedle. We're all human, and I - um, I was just using up my extra time usefully patrolling the perimeter, doing what little I can
GUARD: All vessels to battle stations! League intruder approaching in 3 quadrant
STAN: No, it's me, Stanley Tweedle, assistant deputy backup courier. I was just visiting the Celes pleasure transport -

(Shots fire at Stanley - or rather, past him. He turns on a screen to see the MegaShadow behind him)

STAN: Divine Shadow upon me!

(He steers his ship out of the line of fire, just before the MegaShadow vaporises the base he was heading for - leaving him with nowhere to go)

STAN: Ostral B heretics, come in. This is assistant deputy backup courier Stanley Tweedle. I'm low on air and awaiting instructions. Ostral B heretics please come in. This is assistant deputy backup courier Stanley Tweedle awaiting instructions

(Feppo's face appears on Stan's view screen)

FEPPO: This is SubCom Feppo, Ostral B Sector 245 command. Tell us where you are, Stanley Tweedle, and we'll come and say hello
STAN: I'm transmitting my co-ordinates - Can't you tell where I am by my signal, SubCom Feppo?
FEPPO: Your direct signal is too weak. We are reconstructing reflections
STAN: How do I know you're the real thing?
FEPPO: Who else would be way out here scanning low power signals?
STAN: Mercenaries
FEPPO: (laughs) Suffocation is not exactly a nice way to die. Tell me Stanley, how often do ships normally pass this way? And aren't we both transmitting on an encrypted stream I didn't know any mercenaries had access to?
STAN: OK, I buy that

(Stan transmits his co-ordinates)

FEPPO: Thank you, Stanley Tweedle. And Stanley?
STAN: Yes, SubCom Feppo?
FEPPO: How do spell sucker?

(Back in the P Chamber)

DPS: Stanley Tweedle, mild by fate
A martyr for his generation
Sweaty probes were forced into him
Such pain, such humiliation
But now he's the captain of the Lexx
On an intergalactic tour
Still he dreams at night
Of the time of his life
In the playpen of Feppo and Smoor
Ha ha ha ha ha!

(Humiliated, Stan walks away)

(Zev is pacing in the cryochamber)

KAI: If you desire, I will stay here, where it is cooler. My body will remain animated for some extended time
ZEV: How much time?
KAI: A few hours, at least
ZEV: Kai, I want you to live, to really live
KAI: I suggest you consider modifying your want
ZEV: What exactly is protoblood?
KAI: I don't know
ZEV: How can you not know? It's all that has been keeping you alive for the last 2000 years
KAI: I only know that I was kept in a mortuary below the hall of the Predecessors with thousands like myself. There I received protoblood from a tube in my storage drawer
ZEV: Since it was so important to you, weren't you at all curious about it?
KAI: As a mindless servant of death for His Shadow, I was not prone to curiosity

(Later, in the cryochamber. The egg shudders to itself, while 790 sits on the cryopod controls, watching Stan try to repair the cryopod from the inside)

790: If it were possible to repair the cryogenic regulator, Kai would have already done so. There is no point in your attempting it, as calling you incompetent would qualify as high praise. You are beyond useless in almost every respect, which is of course why Zev has no interest in you, sexually or otherwise
STAN: I'm stung
790: The facts, security guard - Zev, woman of all women, has a highly accelerated love slave libido. You are the only living man she has contact with, but has she ever thought of enlisting you to satisfy her exceptional physical needs? - No. Never. Impossible
STAN: Just biding my time, pal, biding my time. And when she comes knocking, it's not gonna be on your door - you don't have the equipment
790: I am equipped with love
STAN: I am equipped with a love muscle

(He points at his love muscle, then makes an adjustment to the cryopod)

STAN: I did it! - Argh!

(There are sparks in the cryopod, and it closes, trapping Stan inside)

STAN: Let me out
790: Whatever for!
STAN: Let me out!
790: Die! Die!

(Kai arrives, and peers into the cryopod)

STAN: Ahh! Get me out!

(Kai works the controls to open the cryopod)

KAI: Stanley. I didn't know you cared
STAN: I almost had it fixed. I just don't have the right equipment
790: Accurate observation

(Stan knocks 790 off the controls, and leaves. Kai goes to pick up 790, and notices the egg. He leans over it, and it opens, revealing a baby Cluster lizard)

(Stan is singing in the shower - a shadow is lurking outside)

STAN: Stanley, Stanley, oh, he's so manly
Two feet long and Zev she - Huh?

(Zev squeezes the shower control, making the shower nozzle go all floppy)

ZEV: Stanley Tweedle, I want you to use your hand to get us back to the Cluster
STAN: That's called committing suicide
ZEV: (Grabs him, screams) A Cluster lizard's favourite food is brains!
STAN: I did my best to try and fix the cryopod! Don't eat me!
ZEV: We all have to die somewhere, you're going to die right here Stanley Tweedle. We are going back!

(She bites him, and he pushes her away)

STAN: We can't!

(They hear a Cluster lizard scream, and turn to see Kai holding the baby lizard. Zev hisses)

KAI: Do you want to hold it?
STAN: Yeah, on the end of my fork!
KAI: It is a baby - an innocent. The egg must have been laid before we escaped from the Light Universe
STAN: Yeah, well, that's very nice, but I think we should act sensible here and dispose of it
KAI: Don't you like it, Zev?
ZEV: No!
KAI: I'm surprised. You are part Cluster lizard yourself. I was hoping you would help me think of a name
ZEV: If it comes near me, I'll name it
KAI: What?

(Kai points it at her)

ZEV: Squish! Which is exactly what I'll do to it

(Zev leaves. Squish rubs against Kai's face)

STAN: It thinks you're its mother

(Squish hisses. Stan starts to put his clothes back on)

KAI: What is it, Squish?

(He holds its head. Squish nibbles Kai's ear)

KAI: Hungry? You can't eat my brain just yet. I still need it for a little while longer

(He pats Squish, and gives it a kiss)

(Stan is back in the P Chamber, humming a tune)

STAN: Pa pa pa pa, pa pa pa pa,pa pa pa pa pa pa
DPS: Absolutely not! This is humiliating
STAN: You don't say
DPS: Do you know what we are?
STAN: Yeah - Cluster lizards' favourite food

(He holds up a sack - which contains Squish)

(In the cryochamber - Kai is sitting in a chair, and Zev is helping him attach a tube from his chest to a large screen)

ZEV: Kai - are you sure this is going to work?
KAI: No - but if it does, we will be better able to access the memory of the Divine Predecessor who killed me. Let us begin. Let us see what memories my limited protoblood can display

(Back in the P Chamber - Stan gets ready to dance)

STAN: Once more, from the top - and with feeling
DPS: Stanley Tweedle is a god
A warrior and a gent
We are not fit to suck his feet
Or dine on his excrement
At night we croon by the light of the moon
Of his courage and his creed
Hey ho, there he goes
Oh woe for his foes
Long live the Tweedle seed
Stanley, Stanley, top of the hero class
Stanley, Stanley, we live to -

(The Divine Predecessors moan)

STAN: Problem?
DP: Indeed. We refuse to continue
STAN: What do you think, Squish? Is it chompy chompy bite bite time?

(Squish starts to hiss)

DPS: All right, you win -
We live to kiss his ass
STAN: Gentlemen - I think we are now finally developing a dialogue

KAI: Lay your hands on me

(Zev stands behind the chair, and starts rubbing the sides of Kai's head. As protoblood goes into veins on the screen, it turns milky, and images and strange noises appear - the Time Prophet, people, planets, His Divine Shadow)

ZEV: What was that?
KAI: Many memories, inside me. His Shadow steals the memories of all those he kills. I absorbed those memories when I regained my own. It may take time to find something useful

(More images - Brunnis 2, a prison transport, brains. A running man is cornered up against a fence)

KAI: You are Barton Tesh - heretic and criminal disloyal to His Shadow. I have been instructed to kill you very slowly

(The running man screams as he is dragged out of view)

KAI: That was not useful
ZEV: Kai, please - think protoblood. We have to find out where it comes from
KAI: The memories - it is difficult

(An image of the Time Prophet, with His Divine Shadow)

KAI: The Time Prophet
HDS: Time Prophet - you foretold that our order would be destroyed at the hand of the Brunnen G, but we destroyed them. Will we reach our destiny?
TIME: As one gifted to see into the old cycles of time, I should be able to see beyond your order, but I cannot. I know only that when your time is past, there will emerge the GigaShadow, it is unclear. I see only a fleeting image of the Insect Wars, but they were thousands of years past. It is all so hazy. But even without seeing clearly I sense, I feel, I fear, the death of all humankind

(Image of His Divine Shadow, the Lexx)

ZEV: Are you His Shadow?
HDS: Yes. I am the Divine Shadow who killed Kai 2000 years ago
ZEV: What is protoblood? How is it made?
HDS/KAI: I do not know
ZEV: But you provided the protoblood for Kai. You made him what he is
HDS/KAI: Yes
ZEV: Then you must know where it comes from
HDS/KAI: It comes from the GigaShadow
ZEV: What is the GigaShadow?
HDS/KAI: The GigaShadow is the end, and it is the beginning. First will come the Cleansing, which will feed the Rebirth. The GigaShadow is the new life beyond order. A time of pain and rejoicing. Our destiny
ZEV: But what is it?
HDS/KAI: The GigaShadow is the end, and it is the beginning
ZEV: Tell me what I want to know
HDS/KAI: The GigaShadow is the end -
ZEV: Kai!
HDS/KAI: -and it is the beginning. First will come the Cleansing, then will begin a new -

(Zev tries to snap Kai out of it. He pushes her backwards into the screen, which shatters, spilling the protoblood. Zev tries to scoop it up)

ZEV: We've lost about half
KAI: Therefore my time is reduced by half
ZEV: I'm sorry Kai, I'm sorry. We've lost half your blood, and we've learned nothing
KAI: I have lost half of my blood, I have lost half of my time, but we have learned much. First, that the prophecy may not be certain, and second, that the GigaShadow is something we should fear

(Stan is on the bridge)

STAN: This is Stanley Tweedle, the captain of the Lexx, the most powerful destructive force in the two universes. If anybody can hear me, and would like to make contact -

(Zev arrives on the bridge, hisses, grabs a cockroach off the pedestal, and eats it)

STAN: - please transmit now, we are monitoring all frequencies
STAN: How does it taste?
ZEV: Meaty - but not as meaty as you will, Stanley

(Stan jumps off the pedestal and runs, Zev runs after him)

STAN: I can't help ya

(Zev spits out the cockroach)

ZEV: We can't just let him die
STAN: Kai died 2000 years ago!
ZEV: We have to go back through the fractal core, we have to go back to the Cluster, we have to get Kai some new protoblood
STAN: Going back to the Cluster does not mean that Kai wil live, it means that we all will die
790: Improbable as it may be, the security guard has a point
ZEV: I don't want to live. I never wanted to live

(She wipes tears from her eyes)

ZEV: I'm making eye water again - it happens when I feel this way
STAN: They're called tears, didn't you even know that?
ZEV: I grew up in a box, Stan. My matrons, my teachers, everyone I ever knew were holograms. You're the first real people I ever met! There's a lot I don't know
STAN: Well, there's something else
ZEV: What?
STAN: Tears are what happens when you're in love

(Later, on the bridge, Stan is thinking this over

We have to go back through the fractal core, we have to go back to the Cluster
That's called committing suicide!
We have to get Kai new protoblood, we have to go back to the Cluster, we can't just let him die!
We all will die!)

STAN: Admit it Tweedle. You're a coward. A coward. An arch traitor and a coward

(Stan gets up on the pedestal)

STAN: Lexx - I've made a decision. We are going back through the fractal core
LEXX: As you command, Stan
STAN: And, from now on, I want to be known as Stanley the Brave, who risked his skin for his friends!
LEXX: As you command, Stanley the Brave, who risked his skin for his friends

(Lexx turns around and heads into the fractal core. Everything goes swirly. Stan clings on to the pedestal)

ZEV: Relax Tweedle, you're all right
790: We made it, darling
ZEV: Good work

(Kai has fallen on the floor. Zev shakes him awake)

ZEV: Kai? Kai? Talk to me
KAI: Protoblood failure

(Lexx reaches some asteroids. 790 blows a raspberry at Stan as he puts him into the moth next to Kai)

STAN: Say, while you're down there, why don't you stay down there?
790: Say, while you're up here, why don't you contact some old friends?

(790's eyes show pictures of Feppo and Smoor)

KAI: Mind Squish until I return, and if I do not -
ZEV: Kill him, before he gets big enough to eat you

(Squish rolls across the bridge, towards the moth. Zev gets into the moth)

ZEV: Are you sure you don't want to come with us, Stan?
STAN: Unlike dead man, I am experiencing no such motivation
ZEV: I bet the Cluster would love to see the famous arch traitor come home. Maybe there's a candle burning for you outside the protein bank
STAN: Blow it out
ZEV: Remember - we talk to you, you don't talk to us - unless we ask you to, which we won't. We don't want anyone to find the Lexx because of your signals. Signals can be tracked, Stan
STAN: I know. Good luck
ZEV: Thanks. Stay put

(Squish gets onto a leg of the moth, which takes off and flies towards the Cluster)

STAN: Lexx, when you eat, can you separate out the yummy stuff from the nasty indigestible bits?
LEXX: Yes, Stanley the Perfect, the mighty and terrible champion of the oppressed
STAN: And - unjustly maligned majestical being
LEXX: And unjustly maligned majestical being
STAN: Cool

(The moth flies over the Cluster - Squish is shivering on the outside)

ZEV: Come on, baby, come on. They can't detect us this close to the surface

(View screen shows a woman's face)

WOMAN: This is customs post KL722468
ZEV: Hi. We - we seem to -
WOMAN: This customs post has been cleansed
ZEV: No problem, we'll check in at a different one
WOMAN: This customs post has been cleansed
ZEV: Right. We'll make sure to -
WOMAN: This customs post - this customs post (flickers)
CLERIC: Rejoice! (flickers)
WOMAN: - has been cleansed cleansed cleansed

HOLOCLERIC: Guilty - in the execution of this sentence you are hereby cleansed of your crime against the League of 20,000 Planets. May His Merciful Shadow fall upon you
KAI: No military patrols
ZEV: Not a lot of anything
790: Eyes right

(A prison transport is drifting beside them. The moth flies over Cobalt Stadium, through flickering holograms. Kai passes out and falls onto Zev's lap)

ZEV: Kai - come back

(She shakes him till he comes round)

KAI: Protoblood failure. I do not have much time left. We must hurry

(They land near the base of HDS pillar and get out)

ZEV: Zev to Stan - we just landed. So far so weird. I'll keep you posted

STAN: Lexx, I have a question. If I want to transmit something, does it have to go out over all frequencies, or can I select a specific band?
LEXX: I am able to transmit on any frequency band you choose, Stanley the legendary all powerful space stud man
STAN: I select the upper five nano quanto range frequencies
This is Stanley Tweedle. That's right, the Stanley Tweedle. Maybe you heard I was a traitor. Maybe you're aware I was once an assistant deputy backup courier for the Ostral B heretics, and that on one mission in particular I got a little side-tracked when His Shadow attacked -

(Feppo and Smoor's ship. They hear Stan's message)

FEPPO: It's our favourite frequency

STAN: - amino acid codes that certain Sub Nebula mercenaries found in my tooth were used to destroy a hundred Reform planets - although it was actually only 94. None of that matters now, you know why? Because I now command the Lexx, the most powerful destructive force in the two universes. I can take you out just like that. Don't believe me? Come on. I'll be right here waiting. Ha ha

(Feppo and Smoor laugh as well. Their ship speeds up, and heads for the Lexx)

(Zev and Kai find the bodies of the clerics)

ZEV: The Cleansing

(Kai bends down and turns Yottskry over)

KAI: Not long dead
HDS: Welcome friends. Welcome to the end of everything. Though I can command the heavens and urge comets to change their course, all this is nothing next to your grace, your wisdom, and the glory that lives in your eyes

(Kai and Zev walk towards the voice, coming from a broken brain lying on the floor)

KAI: Divine Shadow?
HDS: Yes
KAI: You don't look very good
HDS: And I could not be happier, for I am free
KAI: I don't understand
HDS: As a result of the fall the evil section of my brain was destroyed. Only my poet half remains. I am at peace
ZEV: Kill it
HDS: Fair lady, would you care to hear a sonnet?
ZEV: Pass
KAI: What happened here?
HDS: An assassination attempt. Some rebel clerics found a way to make my pillar descend. Good for them, I say - not at the time, of course, but -

KAI: Squish!

(Squish rolls up. Kai shoots out his brace to stop it eating His Divine Shadow)

KAI: Bad lizard

(Squish steals the smaller chunk of brain)

HDS: You should have let it kill me. Let it end my suffering for the pain I inflicted on all humanity
KAI: I will fulfil your desire, by fulfilling the prophecy
ZEV: Do it Kai - end the Divine Order

(Kai kneels down by the brain)

HDS: Last of the Brunnen G, I ask not to be spared, only to be forgiven. Grant me that
ZEV: He destroyed your planet. He destroyed you. He deserves nothing

(Kai picks up the brain)

HDS: I beg you
ZEV: Get rid of him
HDS: I cannot stop you. I am helpless
KAI: What is the GigaShadow?
HDS: The GigaShadow is the end, and it is the beginning. First will come the Cleansing, which will feed the Rebirth. The GigaShadow is the new life beyond order
KAI: Whatever the GigaShadow is to be, it likely cannot be without you. The prophecy demands to be fulfilled

(Kai squeezes the brain. Memories go into him. He drops the brain and gets up)

KAI: He knew nothing of the GigaShadow either. We will go to the mortuary now, for protoblood
ZEV: Kai - it's over. The prophecy is fulfilled. The last of the Brunnen G has destroyed the Divine Order. How does it feel?
KAI: It feels - it feels - I have no feeling for it

(They walk down the staircase. The brain flickers with energy. From the orifice above, goo drips onto Yottskry's mouth. He sits up and pulls the dagger out of his neck)

(Zev and Kai have reached the bottom of the staircase)

ZEV: Is this the mortuary?
KAI: My home, for 2000 years. These drawers contained myself and thousands of other assassins like me, all kept in a state of living death by protoblood

(Kai pulls open a drawer - it's empty)

KAI: Looks like all my undead comrades have taken a walk
ZEV: Where to?
KAI: They have been cleansed, I assume. The tubes are dry
ZEV: So, what do we do?
KAI: Follow the tubes to the source of protoblood, wherever that is
ZEV: Stan - Zev. Stan, it looks like we might take a little longer than we hoped. Sit tight

(Feppo has been monitoring this. He tries to synthesise Zev's voice)

FEPPO: Stan, this is Zev. Stan, this is Zev

(On the Lexx, Stan hears the message)

FEPPO/ZEV: Stan - there's a big celebration on the Cluster. We've encountered some people, rebels, who tell us His Shadow is dead. Looks like the good guys won, Stan. Oh, and don't be surprised if you encounter some returning refugees - help them out if you can. Also, best to maintain radio silence, just in case. Zev out
STAN: Anything you say

(Yottskry gets up and walks to the base of the pillar. He picks up the brain, and blackness goes into him)

HDS: I gave Kai my memories, but you, cleric, are weak. You will transport my essence to its destiny
YOTT: No!

(His eyes go black)

(Kai and Zev are climbing down tubes)

HDS: You are mine
YOTT: No, no, I'm not yours. I will not be possessed by you. I'm Yottskry, I'm Yottskry. I have my own mind
HDS: But I control you
YOTT: No. I've fought you before, and I'll fight you again
HDS: You will lose

(Kai and Zev are on the tubes. Zev falls and lands on her back in the mist below)

ZEV: Ahh!

(Kai jumps after her, and takes her by the arm)

KAI: Are you all right?
ZEV: Yes. What is this? Is it protoblood?

(Kai puts his fingers into the water beneath the mist)

KAI: No
ZEV: Then what is it?
KAI: Trouble - because unlike me, everything you see here is alive

YOTT: Get out. Leave me alone. Get out of my mind!
HDS: You must bend to my will. Do as I command
YOTT: I'm not His Shadow!
HDS: You are me. I am you
YOTT: Never!

(Kai and Zev are looking at tubes)

KAI: Protoblood is distributed from here - empty
ZEV: We have to keep looking. We must be close
KAI: Perhaps - but I have little time, Zev

YOTT: All right. Time to die, Divine Shadow

(Yottskry stabs himself repeatedly - to no avail)

HDS: You are already dead, ha ha ha! It is only I who am alive ha ha ha!

(Squish chews happily on a piece of brain, as Yottskry jumps off the edge by the stairs, and lands in the mist near Zev and Kai)

ZEV: We saw him before. He was dead. He is the one you turned over
YOTT: He's getting stronger. I can't hold him back

(Kai readies his brace)

YOTT: Kai, you must kill me. I am possessed by His Shadow. He's trying to move, somewhere
KAI: Where?

(The ground shudders. Yottskry's eyes go black, then clear)

YOTT: Please, somehow you must kill His Shadow. You must kill me
KAI: Where is he trying to go?
YOTT: To the GigaShadow. You must stop him
KAI: What is the GigaShadow? Tell me

(Yottskry's eyes go black again, and he is dragged backwards, across the water and through an orifice)

ZEV: How did he come back to life?
KAI: Some form of protoblood, I suspect
ZEV: The yellow stuff - on the floor by the dead clerics
KAI: And protoblood comes from the GigaShadow
ZEV: So let's go back up and get some
KAI: Yes - we must find the Giga-

(Kai falls to the ground)

ZEV: No! Kai!
KAI: Out of blood. Zev - go back to Stan. Use the Lexx to destroy the Cluster. Farewell Zev, my -

(Kai dies)

ZEV: Kai, come back. Kai, come back. Kai, Kai, Kai!

(Zev holds him, and screams as only a Cluster lizard/love slave can)

(On the Lexx, Stan views a distress signal from a girl)

GIRL: Situation deteriorating quickly. Others all dead. I estimate I only have forty minutes of oxygen supply left. How long do you think it will take you to reach me? Over
STAN: Vessel, this is Captain Stanley Tweedle, commander of the Lexx. I, um, I accidentally received your transmission, are you in trouble?
GIRL: Oh no - my signal's been intercepted

(View screen goes blank)

STAN: Hold on, hold on, wait, look, come in, I can help. Come in! Lexx, did you get a location fix on that transmission?
LEXX: I did, Stanley the stunner, makes love like no other

(The Lexx moves away from the asteroids)

(Yottskry is pulled along organic passages - )

YOTT: I defy thee, I defy thee, I defy thee!

( - until his head pops out through an orifice above the giant brain)

YOTT: What fresh hell is this?

(His neck stretches hideously, till his head comes off, and drops down into the brain)

HDS: My Rebirth has begun

(The brain flickers with darkness)

(Zev runs up the stairs back to the puddles of protoblood near the dead clerics. She uses a tube to suck some up)

GIRL: I don't need your help
STAN: You're running out of oxygen, correct? I've been there, it's something I would not wish on my worst enemy
GIRL: How do I know you're not working for the Divine Order?
STAN: Sometimes you just have to go on trust
GIRL: I don't think so. I don't know what to believe anymore. Oh, oh, oh -
STAN: What's up?
GIRL: Oh, oh - oxygen!
STAN: Hold on!

(The Lexx closes on Feppo and Smoor's ship. A moth flies over to it, and Stan goes onboard)

STAN: Hang on - I brought you a suit, and oxygen

GIRL: I don't know what to believe anymore

(The girl is Smoor, with a wig on his face and some device attached to his face. He makes fake choking noises, as Feppo aims a blackpack at Stan's head)

FEPPO: Stanley Tweedle - the lesson continues

(Zev sucks up more protoblood, as the GigaShadow growls)

YOTT: Ahhh!

(Zev runs to the top of the stairs, but the ground shakes, and the entrance is closing. Zev lets out a Cluster lizard scream, and Squish appears. Zev hisses at Squish, and puts the tube in its mouth)

ZEV: Find your mother

(She throws Squish through the gap just as it closes, then she goes back to the moth)

790: Zev! Bliss to the power of bliss times bliss! I live again. What's wrong?
ZEV: He's gone. Kai is dead
790: Listen - something's happening to the Cluster

(Zev picks up some containers)

ZEV: Maybe it's a lost cause, but there's something I have to do
790: Zev, please, we must flee this planetoid!

(Protoblood drops on the white-bearded cleric. Zev scoops up protoblood into the container. The white-bearded cleric wakes up. So does the long haired cleric)

LONGHAIR: The cleansing is not complete

(Whitebeard attacks Zev. She attacks him, but it's no use, so she races back to the moth)

790: Zev! Hurry!

(The moth takes off, amid buildings burning and collapsing. The surface of the Cluster is shaking)

ZEV: Stan - Zev. Listen very carefully. Bring the Lexx to the Cluster right now. We have to try to rescue Kai, then use the Lexx to destroy the Cluster. We have to blow it up
FEPPO: Well, geez lady, that sounds like a really fun idea, but I'm afraid there's a little snag. You see, it's like this. Mr Tweedle is, er, somewhat indisposed. In fact, by the time we are done with his puffy pink body, it will be a lot more puffy and a lot less pink. Squeal for the people. Squeal, squeal, squeal!

(Stan is trussed up and dangling from the ceiling. Smoor has some sort of hose in his hands)

790: There is justice in this universe

(Squish swims through the water, and onto Kai's chest, knocking Kai's head sideways. Protoblood drips into Kai's mouth, waking him up. He touches his mouth, and sucks his fingers)

KAI: Good lizard

(Kai takes the tube and connects it to his chest - Squish keeps rubbing against him)

KAI: OK, Squish - let's find the GigaShadow

(Kai picks Squish up, and walks to the orifice)

HDS: Have you solved the puzzle, human? No matter. You cannot stop me now
YOTT: Yes you can. He's vulnerable
KAI: (shouts) Where are you?
YOTT: I'm inside the GigaShadow. You're inside the GigaShadow. Find me. Please, find the brain
HDS: You're too late Kai - much too late
KAI: We shall see

(He looks at Squish)

KAI: What's your favourite food?

(Squish hisses. Kai and Squish squeeze through the orifice)

YOTT: Find me. Please, find the brain
HDS: I am the GigaShadow, and you, Kai, are nothing but a microbe inside me, infecting my system. I will extinguish you - and, cleric - you cannot help him

(Blackness swarms through the passageway towards Kai)

(The moth flies over the surface of the Cluster)

ZEV: 790 - We can't leave without Kai
790: No sign of the dead one, sweet one

(Steam escapes through small cracks, then there is a large crack, and the huge Insect emerges)

790: That, dearest, would be the GigaShadow
ZEV: Right
790: I suggest we vacate this area immediately

(The moth flies through asteroids)

(Kai is struggling through the inside of the GigaShadow)

HDS: Die, Brunnen G! You cannot help him
YOTT: Yes! I can and I will!
HDS: Die! Die!
YOTT: I will free him

(A wave of light pushes the blackness back)

KAI: Thank you
YOTT: Hurry, Kai. I'm losing, losing strength
HDS: And I am gaining

(Kai looks at Squish)

KAI: Go - find the brain

790: Unfortunately there is no habitable planet, asteroid, moon or space station within the range of this vessel. There is absolutely nowhere for us to go. Zev, darling?
ZEV: Yes?
790: Our oxygen will be gone and you'll be dead in 11 hours and 7 minutes, but my power pack will keep me going for 309 years, so I will use that time to recite an epic poem about you. Shall I begin? (clears throat)
Zev, my love, you have expired
But robot head is hot and wired
Your fragrant corpse, cold and - Zev? Zev?
ZEV: Stan - Zev. You were right. We shouldn't have come. I don't know what to say, except, except -
STAN: Just get out of the way, will ya, I need a clear shot!

(The Lexx appears - next to the GigaShadow, it is tiny)

STAN: Fire!

(Lexx's bolt hits the GigaShadow, which is hidden behind a cloud of Cluster chunks)

STAN: Yes!

(But the cloud clears, and the GigaShadow is still there)

STAN: Lexx, what are you doing? Hit it with everything you got!
LEXX: I did, Stanley the fearless warrior god swooping down from on high to protect the weak and innocent
STAN: Well, OK - hit it again

(Lexx fires again. The moth lands by Lexx's bridge. Zev gets out, holding 790)

790: Zev, love - I believe the GigaShadow is a large angry insect, and I fear it is just waking up

(Kai is still in the passageway)

YOTT: Yes, Kai, yes - you're almost there
KAI: Squish - which way?
YOTT: You're here, Kai. Fulfil the prophecy
HDS: No, cleric. Kai is close, but he will never arrive
YOTT: I can't fight any longer
HDS: Begone!

(Blackness blasts Kai and Squish out into space)

YOTT: Ahhh!

KAI: Find the brain

(He throws Squish back at the GigaShadow)

790: Darling, it is not important to me, but -
ZEV: What?
790: To your right
ZEV: Kai
STAN: Lexx - turn around, we're gonna pick up the dead guy

(Kai gets in through Lexx's mouth. Lexx flies away, with the GigaShadow in pursuit. Kai comes onto the bridge, and Zev hugs him)

ZEV: How did you manage to -
KAI: No time - Lexx, take us to the fractal core
STAN: Lexx - fractal core, now - go!

HDS: Stupid humans. Your entire species is mine

790: Its velocity has surpassed the Lexx
ZEV: Is there no way to fight it?
KAI: No. It has become too powerful during its millennia of dormancy

(Lexx heads towards the fractal core)

STAN: So even if we lead it through the fractal core -
790: The GigaShadow cannot follow. Its positive mass is too large for it to pass through. It would combine with the fractal core's anti-mass and the two would cancel each other out
STAN: It can't follow us?
KAI: No
STAN: Perfect. OK, Lexx - faster, as fast as you can go
LEXX: As you request, Stanley the fearless warrior god swooping down from on high to protect the weak and innocent, mastermind of the downfall of the shining star of the cosmos
STAN: Stan, Stan, only Stan!

(At the fractal core. The GigaShadow has curled up, and looks like the Cluster emblem. The Lexx goes through the fractal core)

ALL: Yes!

(Stan kisses 790. The GigaShadow fires a tentacle through the core and into the Lexx. Blackness spreads out from it)

LEXX: Ouch!

KAI: I imagine the GigaShadow's priority will be to end the prophecy. To end me
ZEV: But the GigaShadow cannot come through the fractal core

(The blackness appears on the bridge)

KAI: Run

(Zev grabs 790)

STAN: Wait for me!

(The blackness reaches the P Chamber)

DPS: GigaShadow, this is our time of rejoicing!
HDS: No, it is your time of pain. You are no longer needed, human vessels of my essence

(The blackness shatters the brains, then retreats. Zev, Stan and Kai go through the galley, with the blackness behind them. The Lexx can't shake off the tentacle. The crew are cornered in the shower)

ZEV: It's over. We have no hope
KAI: We have hope - one small hope

(On the GigaShadow, Squish squeezes through the orifice over the brain. In the shower, the blackness forms into a face)

HDS: The victory of your ancestors was not complete
KAI: You are a survivor of the Insect civilisation
HDS: Yes, last of the Brunnen G. I passed on my essence to humans, rightly believing that I would be more successful using humans to defeat themselves. Yours has been an enslaved species, working tirelessly to achieve my Rebirth. The Divine Insect Order beings. The insects will rule again. I bid you extinction. the time has come. Ha ha ha!

(Squish bites into the brain. The blackness retreats)

KAI: That's my baby

(The tentacle disengages, and the GigaShadow writhes as it is pulled to its death in the fractal core. The ghost of Squish purrs happily)

(A capsule containing Feppo and Smoor lands in some water on a planet. A giant shadow looms above them)

GIANT: Oh look, Nubbleguck - tasty treats

(A giant emerges from the water. Feppo and Smoor scream)

GIANT: Yum yum - give me some

(On the Lexx. The crew are watching the view screen, which shows Stan in the clutches of Feppo and Smoor)

FEPPO: Why are you smiling?
STAN: I'm smiling because I transmitted on your frequency on purpose. I'm smiling because it's dinner time
STAN: And then, following Captain Stanley's carefully constructed plan exactly, the Lexx cruised on over to Feppo and Smoor's ship and ate it right up, and then it separated out the essential Tweedle from the indigestible Sub Nebula mercenaries, ha ha! I knew what they'd do and I did them one better
KAI: How did you know that they would come after you?
STAN: Captain Stan just intentionally broadcast over frequency bands they monitor
ZEV: So, guys - where do we go from here?
KAI: I once suggested that you find yourselves a home
ZEV: And now?
KAI: And now that the fractal core is destroyed, stranding us in the Dark Zone, and since I have a new supply of protoblood, let us find ourselves a new home
ZEV: Sounds good to me. Stan?
STAN: OK, Lexx - find us a home
LEXX: As you request - Stan, Stan, only Stan

(Zev kisses Kai, who doesn't seem to mind. His eyes go cloudy black, then back to normal. The Lexx sails away)

© Filking Fairy