(The planet Water - a woman standing in a city sees the Lexx far above, and watches Kai falling towards the city)

(The planet Fire - Stan finally stops pedalling. The weight falls off the bellows, ringing a bell. The blade falls towards Stan's neck - but is stopped by a handler)

STAN: Oh - good timing. Oh good, you're back

(The handlers release him)

(Kai has landing on a balcony of the city on Water. He gets up, checks all his bones are back in their rightful positions after the fall, and walks through the smouldering city. A burning beam falls, and he steps over it. All around are bodies - men and women shot by cross bows, their bodies burnt. The only sound is the woman, playing an ocarina)

KAI: You play beautifully
MAY: Music dulls the pain
KAI: What happened here?
MAY: Bad things. It's been a bad day

(On Fire, Stan is led into Prince's chamber, and the sack is taken off his head)

XEV: Stanley
STAN: Oh Xev

(They hug)

STAN Are you OK, are you OK, are you OK?

(Stan puts his hat back on his head)

STAN: What are you doing here, what's going on?
PRINCE: Congratulations, Stanley
STAN: Prince
PRINCE: You have passed the test

(Prince fills his phial with water from a basin, offers it to Stan)

PRINCE: Drink?
XEV: It's OK, Stanley

(Xev takes the phial and gives it to Stan, who gulps the water down)

MAY: Who are you?
KAI: I am Kai, last of the Brunnen G
MAY: I'm May. Where have you come from?
KAI: I came from the sky, from the Lexx - up there MAY: The comet?
KAI: The Lexx is a very large insect
MAY: Oh
KAI: - not a comet
MAY: How did you get down here?
KAI: I jumped. I came down to find Xev
MAY: Who is Xev?

(Kai looks at May's left shoulder)

KAI: She is a beautiful love slave. She is dressed in a lizard skin. Have you seen her?

(He pulls May's sleeve down over her shoulder - she is wounded)

MAY: No. But if you jumped down here from the sky, why were you not killed?
KAI: I am dead
MAY: I do not understand
KAI: I appear to be alive, but I am not living. And the dead cannot be killed

PRINCE: I am not your enemy
STAN: Yeah, right
XEV: Stanley, listen, he needs our - well, he needs your help
STAN: Me, help him? Do you know what I've just been through?
STAN: First thing I was on the Lexx, and then, I mean, they took me, they brought me here and they, they, they put me in this, this, thing -
PRINCE: Shhh

(Prince pats Stan on the chest - Stan doesn't like it)

XEV: It was a test
STAN: He tried to kill me
PRINCE: You showed great courage. This planet is called Fire
STAN: That's original
ZEV: Show some respect, Stanley
STAN: For him, after what he put me through?
PRINCE: I am its prince
STAN: And I'm a captain. And who are those other people down there?
PRINCE: We're at war - a never ending war against them. Fire is too hot to sustain human life, and we have no water. They have no end of water, but they will not give us a single drop. And so we are forced to suffer the torment of this horrible place, barely able to live
But we will defeat them. Our suffering will end
STAN: Who are those other people down there manning the bellows?
PRINCE: If we stop pumping, the cities will overheat and everyone will die
STAN: Who are they?
XEV: They're enemies

KAI: Will you help me to find Xev?

(He pulls May's sleeve back up)

KAI: You are injured
MAY: And you're cold. At least I am alive. I will help you

PRINCE: I need your help, Stanley. You command the Lexx. And I have learned that the Lexx is a great weapon - a weapon that will finally tip the scales

(On Water, a balloon is approaching the city. Kai waves at it)

KAI: I request your assistance. I must find Xev
They have seen us, and they are descending
MAY: Great
KAI: Where are the balloons from?
MAY: From Fire
KAI: Where is Fire?
MAY: Fire is the other planet up there, our enemies. And now that you've pointed us out to them, they're coming down to kill us
KAI: I am already dead, and I will protect you

(A balloonist calls down to them)

BALL: Who are you?
KAI: I am Kai, last of the Brunnen G, and I request that you assist me
They are landing
MAY: So I see. I hope you've got a plan, dead man
BALL: Are you from Water or from Fire?
KAI: I came down from the insect in the sky. I am searching for Xev. She is dressed in a lizard skin

(Kai fires his brace at the gondola, and goes up to the balloon)

PRINCE: You could end this war. Are you willing to help us?
STAN: Why should I, after what you did to me?
PRINCE: If you will agree to use the weapon on you ship to help us, I will be eternally grateful
STAN: Right - so what's in it for me?
XEV: Stan
STAN: Forget it, Xev, why should I help him?
XEV: Because you should
STAN: Oh, make me laugh!
XEV: Stanley, if we don't help, his people will die
STAN: Whose side are you on?

(Stan looks at Prince)

STAN: OK, I'm waiting - what's the deal?
PRINCE: As I said, I will be - eternally grateful

(Kai is on the balloon - with three threatening balloonists)

BALL: Who are you? What are you doing here?
KAI: As I said, I am searching for a woman named Xev and I am requesting your assistance
BALL: You're from Girltown, right?
KAI: No. I am from Brunnis 2, by way of the Cluster
BALL: You're playing with me
KAI: Not yet, but I suspect I will be, soon
BALL: You have nothing to tell me

(The balloonist pats Kai's face)

BALL: So die

(The balloonists throw Kai over the edge. His brace catches onto the gondola. He falls down to May - )

KAI: I will pick you up shortly

( - and bounces back up to the gondola. He pushes one balloonist off the edge, kicks another. The last attacks him, but Kai restrains him and tries to reason with him)

KAI: I have no feelings against you. Clearly you cannot defeat me, so I suggest that you assist me in my search for Xev, rather than continue to be an obstacle
BALL: You are my enemy, and you must die!

(Kai throws him overboard)

PRINCE: They have no end of water, and we die of thirst. Is that fair?
STAN: You call what you did to me fair?

(Kai's brace grabs May by the shoulder, and he pulls her onto the gondola)

MAY: Thank you
KAI: So, May - do you have any idea where Xev might be?
MAY: No, I don't know where she is - but I do know where she's not

(May picks up a crossbow, while Kai tries the gondola's controls)

KAI: Where?
MAY: If someone like her was here, on this planet, I would know. I would have heard about her. So she's not here

(The balloon heads for Prince's city. Prince watches it from a window)

XEV: We will help him Stan - that's it
STAN: You don't know what he's like
XEV: Yes I do
STAN: No, you got it all wrong
XEV: No, you've got it all wrong
PRINCE: It really is a matter of life and death

(May fires a crossbow bolt into Prince's chest. He cries out and falls to the ground. Xev rushes to him)

KAI: Who is he?
MAY: I think that was Prince. The ruler of Fire. The man who destroyed my life
KAI: A very lucky shot indeed
MAY: He wouldn't have expected it from one of his own balloons

(Stan looks out through the window)

STAN: I think that's Kai - it is Kai!
XEV: Let me take this out

(She pulls the bolt out of his chest)

PRINCE: Promise me something, Xev
XEV: Yes, what?
PRINCE: Promise me you won't let Water destroy us
XEV: I promise

(They kiss)

PRINCE: I wanted you to love me

(Xev is crying)

XEV: I do. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I think I really do

(Prince dies)

XEV: He's dead. He's dead!

(Stan opens the doors to go onto balcony, and two priests come up behind him)

STAN: It wasn't me - it wasn't
PRIEST: Ring the bell
STAN: You got the wrong idea

(The other priest leaves to sound the alarm, summoning guards)

STAN: You don't understand - we don't, we don't have, even have arrows

(The priest is closing in on Stan, when Kai drops down between them. The priest stabs Kai in the stomach, so Kai's brace grabs the priest by the neck. Kai marches him back into Prince's chamber)

STAN: You show him, Kai
Come on Xev - Xev, Xev, come on. Xev, come on, we've got to go
XEV: I'm not going

(Stan goes out the main door. He takes one look at the long drop off the side, and the priest ringing the bell, and heads back inside)

KAI: You have little time
STAN: Xev, did you hear that? We have little time
Xev, he is dead, there's nothing you can do, and this is a terrible, terrible place, so let's go, now
KAI: That is correct. You are in great danger
XEV: I don't care about danger

(She leans her head against Prince's chest)

STAN: Well I do, even when it comes to danger to you, I do. So please Xev, please - let's go now

(Guards are banging on the door)

STAN: Please? Xev?

(Xev kisses Prince, then lets Stan lead her outside onto balcony. Stan sees May jump down from the balloon onto the balcony)

MAY: I'm May
STAN: Hi. I'm Stanley Tweedle
MAY: Let's go
STAN: Xev?

(They get onto the balloon. The door finally gives way, and guards shoot two crossbow bolts into Kai's chest. He lets go of the priest, and turns away)

PRIEST: Are you human?
KAI: I was

(Kai walks onto the balcony and pulls the bolts out of his chest. His brace grabs hold of the gondola, and pulls him away)

(Prince's chamber. Prince's body is now suspended above a smoky pit. Three priests holding candles stand around it)

(On the gondola, Kai works the controls while the others are sitting down, wearing safety harnesses)

STAN: Well, it's a lot cooler up here, don't you think Xev?

(Xev says nothing. Stan looks at May, who is checking her shoulder)

STAN: You alright?
MAY: I am OK

(She starts to play her ocarina, as the balloon heads into the atmosphere between the two planets)

STAN: That's beautiful
MAY: Music dulls the pain. You have it
STAN: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, it's yours
MAY: I don't need it anymore

(Kai buckles his safety harness)

KAI: We are reaching centre orbit

(The balloon is shaken by turbulence, which calms as they get close to the Lexx)

KAI: You must remain strapped in

(He stands up, and shoots his brace at the Lexx, dragging the balloon towards it)

(On Fire, the priests are chanting around Prince's body)

(On the Lexx, everyone is on the bridge. 790 is desperately licking at his mouth screen)

XEV: 790?
790: Begone, foul thing!
XEV: What's wrong with you?
790: What's wrong with me is what is right with me. I am deeply, madly, insanely and jealously in perfect love
XEV: I know that, why are you acting this way?
790: You are so beautiful. Let me swallow your manhood. I want to roll in your hay. I want to bounce on your bun!
STAN: That's a switch
790: Away, rotting carcass! Leave me be with the man I love

(790 has hearts in his eyes)

790: Hold me, Kai - hold me now!
KAI: 790 fell off the bridge. He was damaged. I reassembled him
790: I am damaged by love
KAI: I was the first thing he laid eyes on after he was reset
790: You are the first and only, you dead gorgeous drop of man

(Xev picks up 790)

XEV: 790, don't you remember me?
790: Ah! Slut germs! Slut germs!

(Kai takes 790)

XEV: It's not my day with men, I guess
790: It's my day, with my man
MAY: So - Stanley
STAN: Hm?
MAY: Will you help me?
STAN: Yeah, if I can
MAY: Then destroy Fire and end the war
STAN: Blow up Fire?
MAY: Yes. It's an evil place. Destroy it, and end its evil
XEV: How do you know it's evil?
STAN: Well, one visit and I'm certainly left with that impression
XEV: Prince was not evil
STAN: Yes he was
XEV: Not. I could see into him, and I could see something you clearly couldn't
STAN: Oh, please Xev - you're a love slave, you just had the hots for him. Your judgement was impaired
XEV: No, it's not that simple
STAN: Yes, it is that simple, it was just fancy talk to get into your pants
XEV: You don't know anything
STAN: Other than the truth, Xev
XEV: The truth is, Prince was a great man, and she killed him

(Prince is lowered into the pit. His eyes open, his face stretches, and he disappears)

MAY: Destroy the planet, Stanley. It's the right thing to do
STAN: Kai? What do you think?
KAI: About what?
STAN: Should I destroy the planet?
KAI: Why should you want to destroy it?
STAN: Because it's an evil place
XEV: So she says
STAN: It is an evil place
XEV: Stanley, maybe you don't quite get it. The two planets are at war. One planet has nothing, the other planet has everything. Who are we to judge a whole world? Destroying a planet with people on it is not exactly the same as blowing up an asteroid or a moon, don't you agree? I think she's the evil one, telling you to do that. Plus, we already know that she's a murderer

(Xev pushes past May's shoulder)

MAY: You don't know anything. Prince killed everyone I ever knew and took my whole world away from me
XEV: You lie
STAN: Xev
MAY: It's simple. Water is good. Fire is evil. You can end the war, Stanley
STAN: Well, yeah, but look, I don't even know if the Lexx's weapon works anymore. How long were we frozen?
KAI: Answer, 790
790: I calculate 4332 standard years
STAN: Wow - four thousand?

(Someone walks through the cryochamber, kicks over the controls)

STAN: Lexx - are you still there?
LEXX: Yes I am, Stan
STAN: Good. How are ya?
LEXX: I am very hungry
STAN: Well, that's reasonable. Lexx - is your weapon still working? I mean, if I asked you to blow up a planet, could you do that?
LEXX: I think my weapon still has enough charge in it, Stan. Which planet would you like me to destroy?
STAN: None - none just yet - just to make things perfectly clear
KAI: But Lexx's main drive still does not work
STAN: Oh yeah, right. Lexx - can you go anywhere on your own?
LEXX: No Stan, I cannot. I am very hungry
STAN: Yeah, I hear ya
KAI: As Lexx cannot propel himself, he cannot control where he is pointed. And since he is unable to destroy anything unless directly pointed at it, then there is no need for you to decide whether or not to destroy the planet called Fire - at least, not for the time being
STAN: Yeah, I think I get that - so, so - how long will it be before Lexx is pointed at Fire again?
790: 29 necrophilia filled hours!

(Xev pulls May out of her way. Stan sees May's shoulder)

STAN: Oh, you're not OK
MAY: I am OK
STAN: No, no you're not, I saw it. You're in pain
MAY: I'm pretty good with pain

(In the cryochamber, May is in a cryopod. Stan attaches sensors to her)

STAN: Now this - this is the protein regenerator
XEV: Stanley

(Xev is looking at the broken controls)

STAN: How did this happen?
XEV: I don't know, it's - it's broken
STAN: (suspiciously) How?
XEV: I don't know
STAN: This can fix your shoulder. It hasn't been used in a few thousand years, so it's a little jammed up, but I can get it working in no time

(The protein regenerator starts up, then blows a fuse)

STAN: That's OK, I'll get that fixed later May. Listen, just let me, let me take a look at your shoulder
MAY: Please

(Stan pulls down her sleeve and looks at the injury. Xev walks away)

STAN: You're very attractive May. Do you mind me saying that?
MAY: No
STAN: I'm only saying it because it's true. I'm not trying to mean anything by it
MAY: I know, Stanley
STAN: I mean, you know, imply anything
MAY: I know, Stanley. I can trust you, can't I?
STAN: You can trust me

(Kai and Xev are in the moth breeding chamber. Kai presses a button on a membrane on the wall. The membrane tears as the mothbreeder steps out)

KAI: We need moths

(Kai holds up two fingers)

KAI: Two for now. More in the future
MOTHB: Two for now. More in the future

(The mothbreeder wakes another, and they go to the dangling sacks containing moths)

KAI: They are mothbreeders. They will grow new moths and install the bio-mechanics
XEV: They're human beings
KAI: They were. Like you, they were once prisoners on the Cluster. Their sentence was to be physically altered to perform the specific task of mothbreeding
XEV: And, they were here all along? Why didn't you ever tell us about them?
KAI: You did not ask. And a mothbreeder is not useful for anything else. Their brains have been mostly removed, as well as all other physical parts not related to their job
XEV: All other physical parts?
KAI: Yes

(Stan joins them)

STAN: Xev, Kai! I've been looking all over for you guys

(Stan notices the mothbreeders)

KAI: Mothbreeders. They will grow us new moths. If we are to feed the Lexx, we must have a way to bring food to him
STAN: Kai, you gotta help me. You gotta tell 790 to help me, I mean it, I mean it more than I've ever meant it before. Come on, please?

(The cryochamber. Xev has climbed onto the cryopod to inspect May)

790: She has a septic infection and is going to die
STAN: Don't say that. People don't die of infections. We can fix you up. We can cure far more complicated things than a simple infection, right?
KAI: Yes we can - if the protein regenerator were working
STAN: Well, then we'll, we'll freeze her in the cryopod until we can get the protein regenerator fixed
XEV: We can't because it's broken
STAN: Kai - tell 790 to fix the protein regenerator
790: Please, my darling deceased delight - I don't need another woman onboard to compete with
STAN: You're not a woman - you're a robot head
KAI: Repair the protein regenerator, 790
790: I cannot repair it
STAN: Why not?
XEV: Because he doesn't have hands
STAN: I'll be your hands, you just tell me exactly what to do
790: It's precise and delicate work. You are far too clumsy
STAN: OK, then Kai can do it. You can do it, can't you, Kai?
KAI: If 790 instructs me. But there are many small parts, and it will take time
STAN: OK, look, look, let's just get going

(Stan checks on May, then looks at Xev)

STAN: Well, aren't you gonna help?
XEV: She killed Prince, so it's fair
STAN: It is not fair
XEV: I think she deserves to die
STAN: How can you say that?!
XEV: I'm sorry, but that's how I feel
STAN: That's how you feel? That's how you feel, is it?
XEV: Yes
STAN: That's how you feel?
XEV: Yes!
STAN: Well, this is how I feel

(Stan grabs Xev by the throat, but she quickly has him by the throat instead. Kai just watches)

XEV: She killed Prince, so as far as I'm concerned she can die too, and that's just how I feel

(Xev lets Stan go, then walks away)

STAN: Well, just - just go Xev, just leave. I can fix it without you. I can fix it. I know I can fix it
MAY: Stanley? You're a good man, Stanley

(Xev is on the bridge, trying to calm down. She looks at the planets on the view screen, and flicks May's ocarina, which is hanging by the pedestal)

(May is not looking at all well)

MAY: Stanley?
STAN: Hm, what?
MAY: It's OK, Stanley
STAN: What, what?
MAY: Everyone I know is dead. I don't have anything to live for
STAN: Yeah, oh yes, yes you do, yes you do
MAY: I'm glad I killed Prince. I'm glad I shot him
STAN: Yeah well I am, I am too. Look, you gotta rest, OK, you gotta save your strength
MAY: Stanley?
STAN: What?
MAY: I would have liked you Stanley. I know I would have
STAN: No, no, don't, don't say would have, OK?
MAY: I don't think I can hold out much longer
STAN: Yes you can, yes you can. It's just an infection, you're gonna get better, you just gotta fight it
MAY: I'll try, but I'm not sure that I can
STAN: Well, you've gotta try. You gotta promise me that you gotta try, OK, you gonna try, you gonna promise me, hm?
MAY: Promise

(Later. Xev is standing by the entrance to the cryochamber)

STAN: Look, this, this must be all of them. I can't see any more parts
790: You do not have the cooker. You cannot proceed any further until you have it
STAN: But this is all there is. There aren't any more parts
KAI: What does it look like?
790: Green, with a yellow stripe
STAN: OK then, you're just gonna have to make it work without the cooker
790: Not possible
STAN: But - it's not here now, so it couldn't have been here before
XEV: Here it is

(She is standing behind Stan. Stan reaches for the part, but Xev gives it to Kai, then gives Stan the ocarina)

790: Now - insert the tubular casing into the enzyme pack - the green plug goes on the end
XEV: I'm sorry Stan
STAN: Yeah, well, I'm sorry too Xev. Thanks. OK now, you see, we're gonna get this thing up and running in no time, and you are going to be as good as new, you are going to be better than new, OK?

(Stan strokes May's chin, her hair. Kai switches on the protein regenerator, but it doesn't work)

STAN: What's wrong?
790: I'm not sure. It should be working
STAN: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
KAI: No he's not
790: We must disassemble it
STAN: But we can't, we don't have time, I mean, just look at her. No Kai, don't, don't, it's a robot trick
790: This machine has not been operated for thousands of years. One or more of its sub components are not functioning properly. We must disassemble it, find the non-functioning part or parts, perform any necessary repairs and then return to this process
STAN: No
XEV: Stan, listen to 790
STAN: No, no, look, we don't have time, just, just look at her. May, May, May

(Stan starts shaking the protein regenerator)

STAN: Is it working now? Come on, robot head, tell me, is it working now?
790: No
STAN: Is it working now?
790: No

(Stan kicks it)

STAN: What do we do?
790: Whatever you want, it doesn't matter
STAN: What do you mean, it doesn't matter
790: We lost her

(Kai goes to check May's pulse)

STAN: No
KAI: She is dead
STAN: No - you can't know that

(Kai steps down from the cryopod, and starts removing the sensors from May's body)

KAI: I am good at determining the state of death. It was a required function for assassins of the Divine Order

(Xev holds Stan's hand)

STAN: It's OK, just, you can go away, OK, just lave me alone, please, please just leave me alone
XEV: All right

(In the moth breeding chamber, Kai and Zev are watching the mothbreeders peel a membrane off a new moth)

KAI: Stanley's behaviour should not be unexpected. Both of you have had only limited contact with real human beings for a long time. I believe you are emotionally vulnerable
XEV: I know I am. And I've never had much contact with real human beings - living ones, that is

(The mothbreeders attach a door to the moth. Kai and Xev leave)

(Stan is sleeping in the cryopod next to May's body)

MAY: (echoes) I would have liked you Stanley. I know I would have
I would have liked you Stanley. I know I would have. I know I would have. I know I would have

(Stan wakes up and gets out of the cryopod)

STAN: May? May? May? May, are you there?
MAY: Am I here Stanley? Am I? I am here for you Stanley, if you want me to be
STAN: May?
MAY: Do you want me Stanley?
STAN: May? May, are you there?

(Prince is in the cryopod, stroking May's neck)

PRINCE: She's there Stanley. She's there. She's there for you if you want her to be
STAN: Prince?

(Prince gets out of the cryopod)

PRINCE: She's there Stanley. She's there for you if you want her to be
STAN: Prince, what are you doing here? You're dead, aren't you?
PRINCE: Do you want her, Stanley?
STAN: What - what are you talking about?
PRINCE: Do you want May? Do you want her to be there, to be alive and yours, yours alone?
STAN: I dunno. What are you talking about, what are you saying?
PRINCE: I'm saying, do you want May to be alive and yours, or not?
STAN: Well, um, but she's dead
PRINCE: Yes - but she does not have to be dead, if you don't want her to be
STAN: But how?
PRINCE: You saw me die, hmm? Do you want May to live, Stanley?
STAN: Yes, yes I want May to live and be mine alone
PRINCE: Good. Then you and I will make a deal

(Prince stands behind Stan, puts his hands on Stan's shoulders)

PRINCE: I will give you May. And in return, you will agree to use this ship, the Lexx, to help me destroy the planet Water
STAN: But there are people on the planet Water
PRINCE: Yes there are people there
STAN: Can they leave?
PRINCE: They must also be destroyed along with the planet
STAN: When would I have to do this?
PRINCE: As soon as you can
STAN: No. No, I can't. I mean, I can't destroy an entire planet and everybody on it for, for just one person
PRINCE: That's a good decision. You passed the test
STAN: Does this mean May will live now?
PRINCE: No, no. This means May, will stay as she is. She will remain dead

(Stan looks at May. Prince has vanished)

STAN: Prince? Prince? Prince? I agree. I'll use the Lexx to blow up Water if May can live. I agree! Prince? Prince!
MAY: Stanley?

(She's alive and well)

STAN: May? You're alive

(May holds out her arms, puts them around Stan's neck, and kisses him)

© Filking Fairy