Lexx 2.13 Twilight (written by Paul Donovan, Lex Gigeroff, Jeffrey Hirschfield)
(A courtyard, at night. Hands burst through the door, but a
man -Roda- drives them off with a flaming torch. He is joined by his wife,
Hidea)
HIDEA: They're getting in RODA: I can see that, I have
eyes HIDEA: I know you can see it RODA: Look, I'm gonna need more wood,
OK? And bigger pieces - this is burning down HIDEA: Where do you think I'm
going to get wood? We're already after burning every stick of furniture in this
stinking hole
(Their gothy daughter Lomea arrives)
RODA:
Lomea, sweetheart. Help your mother find some wood, OK baby? LOMEA: There's
none left. We're all gonna die HIDEA: For once in your life would you just do
something that somebody asked you? LOMEA: We've used everything RODA: Find
something, OK? LOMEA: Find something yourself! RODA: Use your heart!
That's made of wood, isn't it? LOMEA: Get the robot to look
(The
robot is 792. Looks like 790, but with a body, wearing tights, a tunic - and a
monocle)
792: Certainly, miss RODA: No, he's too slow, we don't
have time for him 792: No, no, no, we don't have time HIDEA: Don't make me
put my hands on you. Now - this is a matter of life and death, missy LOMEA: I
don't care. I've had enough of this HIDEA: Get over here, you sack of
pus LOMEA: Don't call me a sack of pus! HIDEA: Sack of pus. Sack of pus,
pus, pus. Sack of pus! LOMEA: You're the ones who got us stuck here - and
that's only because everyone you've ever met knows you're such creeps! RODA:
Lomea!? I'm gonna burn myself LOMEA: I wish you were dead. I wish I were
dead RODA: Look, we're all gonna be dead if you don't get off your adolescent
ass and find some wood! LOMEA: I hate you! Both of you!
(Lomea
storms off)
HIDEA: I really don't mind when she calls me a creep,
but I don't like it when she uses those terms to refer to you RODA: Me
too HIDEA: I just wish for once she'd call you what you really are - beyond
repulsion. A DNA disaster, a mewling mass of mucky, - blech - a bald-headed bobo
- Honey, let's face it - "creep" is a little bit of a compliment to you RODA:
Why, I oughta burn you, you castrating shrew HIDEA: Too bad we're running out
of wood, isn't it?
(On the bridge of the Lexx. Stan is lying asleep
on the floor. Xev and 790 are watching him)
XEV: Stan?
Stan
(Stan just mumbles incoherently)
XEV: I think you'd
be more comfortable in your bed, Stan. Stanley?
(More
mumbles)
XEV: How long has he been asleep? 790: 9 hours, 23
minutes and 13 seconds, dream girl XEV: He doesn't look good. I'm worried
about him 790: I'm not
(Back in the courtyard, hands come through
the door and grab Roda's neck)
RODA: Hidea! HIDEA: Lomea's right.
Look, there's no point in fighting anymore, we might as well just lie down and
die out of it
(The sun comes up, over an island surrounded by a vast
ocean. The hands let go of Roda, and retreat)
RODA: Hidea, Hidea -
once again the sun has come up, and we didn't get eaten! HIDEA: Oh, isn't
that great? What's your big plan for tomorrow night, baldie? RODA: Ungrateful
bitch
(Roda does a little dance)
RODA: I love you, sun. I
love you, sun. I love you so much, sun. Lay your beams on me
(In the
cryochamber. Stan is in a cryopod being examined by 790, while Xev and Kai
watch)
790: Stanley Tweedle has an elevated level of hydrogen
peroxide in his blood. He is suffering from skeletal and muscular degeneration,
and his immune system has broken down. Furthermore, he stinks. It is unlikely
that he will live much longer. I suggest we wake up Lyekka so that she can eat
him
(Xev hits 790)
KAI: I believe Lyekka prefers healthy
living things. Stanley may not be acceptable to her in this state XEV: What's
causing his condition, 790? 790: I have no idea XEV: Are you telling me
the truth? 790: Of course, Xevolicious. If Tweedle dies, then you will be the
only living protein left for Lyekka to consume, so it is temporarily in my
interest for the security guard to remain alive XEV: Then what's wrong with
him? 790: I do not contain a full complement of bio-diagnostic data - but I
do gotta a whole lotta love XEV: Kai? KAI: His ailment is unusual. I too
cannot precisely determine its cause. We must seek specialised help XEV:
Where?
(Stan mumbles)
XEV: Stan? Stanley. Talk to us,
Stan. If he dies, we can't control the Lexx
(Inside their tower,
Lomea is holding a foil collar round her neck, trying to get a tan. Hidea is
lying down looking at her jewels while 792 gives her a foot
massage)
HIDE: Before I die, Lomea, I want to give you these pearls
- but I can't, because I love them so much!
(Roda arrives, with a
tatty wicker basket)
RODA: Look at this - wood! HIDEA: Oh, you're
doing a really good job there, Roda. I think that basket is really going to
protect us from them RODA: Well at least I'm doing something. Sun's gonna set
tonight, like it does every night, and one of us is trying to do
something HIDEA: And you know, I'd like to thank you from the pit of my
heart, but what difference does it make? - We are all going to die! Now could
you please sit down out of it for a moment, so I could enjoy my last few minutes
on this benighted hellhole? (to 792) Did I say harder to you? Harder,
did I say harder? RODA: Lomea, what are you doing? LOMEA: I wanna look
good when I die! RODA: There's not enough sun for that, sweetheart LOMEA:
Shut up! RODA: Hey, don't start in now, OK, I've had enough of both of you.
Chip in here HIDEA: Did you hear her? She said shut up RODA: You shut
up HIDEA: You shut up! RODA: Shut up!
(Their squabbling is
interrupted by the squawking of a mechanical owl, which is receiving a message
from the Lexx)
XEV: Can anybody hear me? Can anybody hear me? This
is a medical emergency. We are the crew of the Lexx. Our captain is critically
ill with an unknown condition, and we seek help RODA: This is it! This is it!
This is it! This is it! Our ticket off this hellhole LOMEA: Took long
enough
(Roda hugs Lomea, then kisses Hidea - who is
disgusted)
HIDEA: Oh, please. Please, don't ever, ever, touch me
like that again, please RODA: Lomea - get your father's cape
(They
are all on their best behaviour as they appear on the Lexx's view
screen)
RODA: Hello, Lexx. I am Roda, High Governor of the planet
Ruma KAI: I know the planet Ruma XEV: How? KAI: I have the memories of
the last Divine Shadow, and he knew the planet well RODA: Also, a very
experienced medical type person HIDEA: Hello. I'm Hidea. Did you know that
Ruma has long been famous for its health giving properties, that emanate up from
the minerals deep in the planet's soil? XEV: Is what they are saying
true? KAI: It is not untrue RODA: Yes, for years now, many of the rich and
powerful have been coming here to participate in the holistic elements that are
in the ground here. If we can't help you, you're probably dead already! KAI:
Do you have diagnostic medical equipment? RODA: Oh, yes. This is my robot
792, fully equipped with all of the latest biological data circuitry and probing
facilities 790: He certainly has a nice body HIDEA: We will transmit our
co-ordinates KAI: There is no need. We know where Ruma is
located RODA/HIDEA: We'll be waiting for you!
(They end
transmission)
XEV: Is Ruma dangerous? KAI: It - may have been,
before the Divine Order collapsed, but it should not be dangerous now. In any
event - we do not have much choice XEV: You're right. Come on, Stanley. Come
on, get up
(Kai and Xev manoeuvre Stan onto the
pedestal)
XEV: Stanley - you have to help us to get you to planet
Ruma STAN: No room - all full up XEV: Stanley, tell the Lexx to go where
Kai directs him STAN: Tell Lexx? Tell Lexx, tell Lexx XEV: Stanley, say
"Lexx, go to Ruma" STAN: Lexx - XEV: - go to Ruma STAN: - go to
- XEV: - Ruma STAN: Ruma LEXX: As you command, Stan
(They
reach Ruma. Xev, Kai and Stan take a moth down to the island)
KAI:
Whenever a Divine Shadow died, his brain was removed, and his body was sent to
Ruma for burial XEV: Why Ruma? KAI: The planet's core contains an unusual
combination of elements which emit an isotopic frequency of low level radiation
that - somehow manages to keep the bodies in a semi-living state XEV:
Radiation. Will it affect us? KAI: It is not known to affect the
living
(Kai is playing with his hair. The moth lands in the
courtyard, where the family is waiting)
RODA: Come, my pretty
ones
(Xev gets out of the moth)
RODA: High Governor Roda,
commander in chief, and keeper of the Divine Ossory at your service. This is my
wife, Lady Hidea, and my daughter, Lomea. And the medicinal robot, 792 792:
Pleased to make your acquaintance, ma'am HIDEA: Welcome to
Ruma
(Hidea shakes hands with Xev)
HIDEA: So glad to make
your acquaintance LOMEA: We're very glad you're here XEV: My name is
Xev RODA: Xev HIDEA: Xev RODA: Xev XEV: Yes. Xev of B3K. And you are
commander in chief of - who? RODA: Well, since the collapse of the Divine
Order, all of my fellow clerics have left their post, leaving my humble self and
my beloved wife, and my beautiful daughter all by our lonesome to deal with the
- deceased - HIDEA: Take care of the Divine Predecessors RODA: - the dead
people
(Kai jumps out of the moth)
KAI: The - billowing,
clouds XEV: Kai? RODA: This man has the uniform of a Divine
Assassin XEV: A former Divine Assassin - he's with us now RODA: Former, ha
ha. Well - then I guess we'll just take your captain in and, er, give him mouth
to mouth, or something. But we'll work on him
(Kai pats Roda on the
shoulder)
KAI: The burning hills RODA: The burning hills? XEV:
Kai? LOMEA: I like your dress XEV: Thanks. It's lizard skin LOMEA:
Lizards are cool - especially their tongues
(Inside the tower. Stan
is on a bed being checked by 792. Kai is sitting at a window)
KAI:
The billowing clouds that puff and flower Are calling me to an ancient
bower XEV: Kai, what are you doing? KAI: I must sing my song XEV: Don't
go far KAI: Woo!
(Kai jumps out of the window)
XEV:
Kai! I think we'd better have your robot check on Kai too. He's been acting
strangely ever since we got here LOMEA: Everybody acts strange around
here HIDEA: I think he's quite - charming LOMEA: Who cares about him
anyway? XEV: I care about him LOMEA: Do you do it with
him?
(Hidea drags Lomea away, but she goes back to
Xev)
XEV: No
(Kai is sprawled on the ground. He picks
himself up, does a forward roll, and starts shadow boxing)
KAI: The
wheel
792: I've completed my analysis of your captain, madam. He has an
elevated hydrogen peroxide level, and his immune system is failing XEV: Yeah,
we know that, but what's causing it? 792: I will have to perform a blood
profile HIDEA: Where'd he get those shoes?
(Meanwhile, Kai dances,
goes out through the gates, and picks some wild flowers)
792: Your
captain is deficient in the element of - RODA: Excuse me for just a second.
I'd like to have a little conversation with Xev Since the collapse of the
Divine Order - how can I put this? - our situation has been, um, em - HIDEA:
Delicate RODA: - it has been delicate LOMEA: What he means to say is that
he got us stuck on this hell and we want off RODA: Lomea darling, why don't
you go pick your pimples, OK?
(Lomea backs off)
RODA: She
is cute, isn't she? What I mean is - ah - HIDEA: When everyone else
abandoned their post on this hideous planet, my husband was rewarded for his
loyalty by being left behind XEV: I'm surprised they didn't kill you RODA:
Who, me? Why would anybody do that, kill me? XEV: The Divine Order were hated
by everyone - and you worked for them RODA: On a lonely outpost HIDEA: And
in a very very lowly position LOMEA: Very lowly RODA: And no way deserving
punishment HIDEA: Exactly, and now, what we would like to establish, is if we
take care of your medical problem - XEV: Mm hm? HIDEA: What will you do
for us? XEV: What do you want? RODA: Well - to be truthful with you, we
would like it if you could take us away from all of this XEV: Sure - but to
where? I thought that former clerics from the Divine Order were not that welcome
anymore HIDEA: Oh no. We have many friends, on many many many planets -
RODA: Many HIDEA: - who will be glad, glad to have us RODA: They'd be
glad XEV: Fine, we'll take you to the nearest one then RODA: We agree then
- oh, I love your hair. Oh, robot! 792: Madam XEV: Yes, please, how is
Stanley doing? 792: He is deficient in the element selenium XEV:
Selenium? 792: A trace element required by certain species such as human
beings to create specific enzymes that break down hydrogen peroxide. It is
unusual that his diet would be deficient in it. What does he eat? XEV: Only
food which is provided by our ship, the Lexx. It feeds us with stuff that it
makes 792: Clearly the Lexx's food supply does not contain selenium XEV:
Is the condition fatal? 792: Yes. If he does not get selenium soon, he will
die XEV: So where do we get it? 792: High Commander Roda's dandruff
shampoo contains selenium. You must feed it to your captain XEV:
Shampoo? RODA: Er, excuse me - my shampoo? 792: It will be an effective
therapy - if consumed in time RODA: My shampoo?
(Xev is pouring
shampoo onto a spoon)
RODA: Please - don't use it all, OK? XEV:
Well, there's not much there 792: He won't require much HIDEA: If there's
a problem with the food, why isn't it bothering you? XEV: Oh - we all have
different biologies
(Xev spoon feeds Stan the
shampoo)
XEV: Very different, in fact LOMEA: I'd
say
(Roda and Hidea have moved into another room to talk
privately)
HIDEA: Nobody is gonna take us in. We don't have any
friends RODA: I know that HIDEA: I know you know that. It's because we're
part of your stupid Divine Order. Wherever we go, we'll be killed RODA: We
will? HIDEA: Yes. Yes! Now listen. It's obvious, isn't it? RODA: Is
it? HIDEA: We take the ship and leave them here to feed the animals RODA:
I don't know HIDEA: What? You don't know? RODA: No
(She slaps
his head)
HIDEA: Do you have a better plan? RODA: Well, why don't
we just get off the freaking planet before we start getting ambitious? HIDEA:
This is our only chance. You saw that the assassin has been affected by the rays
from the planet! If we're in control of the ship, then we are in
control!
(Outside, Kai is trying to compose a poem)
KAI:
Swings. Spins. Turns
LOMEA: Now what? HIDEA: Well, we wait until he
gets better, I suppose - right? 792: He has swallowed enough of the shampoo.
It will take some time to have effect HIDEA: You know - I think he looks
better already XEV: Yeah HIDEA: Xev, is it? Why don't you let me show you
around, Xev? XEV: What's there to see? HIDEA: Not much - but we've got
quite a bit of time to waste. Now, if there's any change in the patient, contact
us immediately, do you understand? 792: Yes, Lady Hidea HIDEA: And Lomea -
make us some food. We're going on a picnic XEV: Erm - actually, I'm not very
hungry LOMEA: Outside? HIDEA: Outside LOMEA: What food? HIDEA: I
don't know, darling, throw something together
(Kai walks across a
bridge towards a cliff)
KAI: Swings
(Xev and the family
are all outside, close to the gate)
HIDEA: I love a
picnic
(Lomea brings her a frying pan)
HIDEA: Well, thank
you, sweetheart
(Then Lomea squeezes herself in next to
Xev)
HIDEA: Oh, well - we're running a little short on food RODA:
We've practically no meat at all LOMEA: I wouldn't say that XEV: Why did
they send the bodies of the dead Divine Shadows here? RODA: I don't know.
They got a thing about the dead, I think XEV: What? HIDEA: Well, for
whatever it was they wanted them for RODA: You never asked questions of the
Divine Order, you just did what they told you to do, otherwise you ended up in
the protein bank XEV: Or they turned you into a love slave LOMEA: You got
the love slave treatment? XEV: Yes. Yes, I got the looks and the accelerated
libido, but I missed the personality adjustment. The robot who worked on me got
that LOMEA: I have an accelerated libido XEV: Oh yeah? So you know how
frustrating it can be when there's no men around HIDEA: Yes
(Hidea
sighs. Roda holds his nose while he eats)
XEV: Well, I should go and
check on Stan RODA: No, no, no no HIDEA: No, my love. You just relax.
Lomea and I will do that LOMEA: Why me? HIDEA: Because, mommy's little
darling doe, that's what mommy wants you to do LOMEA: Well I wanna stay
here HIDEA: But we're going to go see the captain LOMEA: Yes,
mother
(Hidea drags Lomea inside. Roda laughs)
RODA: Kids
today, huh? Another sunset on Ruma - we never take them for granted XEV: I
really should go and see Stanley for myself RODA: Whatever
(Xev
starts to head towards the tower, so Roda jumps up)
RODA: Oh my god!
The assassin, he's fallen off the cliff! XEV: What? RODA: Look XEV:
Where? I don't see him
(Xev looks over the edge. It's sunset. Roda
runs back through the gate, locking it behind him. Xev gives
chase)
XEV: Hey! Hey, what's going on?
(Hidea looks down
from the top of the wall)
HIDEA: What's going on, miss cutey pie, is
we're taking your moth and we're flying away without you XEV: We made a
deal HIDEA: I know, and we broke it XEV: Kai? Kai, where are you? RODA:
He can't help you, sweetheart XEV: What about Stanley? I need to see
him HIDEA: Gosh golly gee - I forgot! Here!
(792 brings Stan to
the top of the wall)
RODA: Would you like him desperately? Here he
comes HIDEA: He's all yours
(They throw Stan off the
wall)
XEV: Stan. Stanley. You can't leave without us. You can't fly
the Lexx without Stanley, he's the only one who's got the key RODA: Like I
really believe that too, huh? Listen, you have a good night, OK, 'cause it's
gonna be your last HIDEA: Oh, and remember - you can run, but you can't hide.
They are going to get you XEV: Who is they? RODA: They are looking for
their din-dins, and that's you, sweetheart HIDEA: And tonight, you're the
main course on the menu XEV: You're very bad people RODA: Oh, that
hurts HIDEA: I'd love to hang around and chat, but we've gotta go. Packing
and all that. Ta ta! RODA: Bye! XEV: Come on, get up STAN: Oh.
Ow! XEV: Help me, please STAN: Oh, I don't feel good
(The
grilles at the front of tombs are pushed off by zombies wearing the robes of His
Divine Shadow. The zombies start walking towards Stan and Xev)
STAN:
What are they? XEV: Neighbours
(Kai has crawled to the top of the
cliff, still holding wildflowers. He sees a lily, which he cuts from the rocks
with his brace. He stands at the edge of the cliff)
KAI: Where no
thing is shall nothing be Only then - will I be free
(He looks at
the lily - throws the other flowers over the edge)
(Hidea and Roda are
busy packing cases)
RODA: Where's Lomea? HIDEA: I don't know.
She's probably sulking around somewhere, lurking - Lomea!
(The
zombies re getting closer to Stan and Xev)
STAN: What do they
want? XEV: Dinner STAN: Dinner? - but we don't have any dinner XEV: We
are dinner STAN: What - we're what, we're dinner? XEV: Yes STAN: Us?
Them? Oh boy
(They back against the gate, and start pushing at it as
the zombies approach)
STAN: Where's Kai? XEV: He's
gone
(Kai is now wearing the lily in his hair, and playing with a
skull)
KAI: The wheel it turns, it comes around It makes an
ancient rumbling sound
(Kai laughs, moves the jawbone so the skull
laughs too)
(On the Lexx, Lyekka emerges from her pod)
790:
Lyekka! You're awake! LYEKKA: I am hungry. I have to eat 790:
Unfortunately Stanley Tweedle is not here, but if he were, he'd make an
excellent main course LYEKKA: where is Stanley? 790: He and my darling
delightful delicious Xev have gone down to the planet with the dead
man LYEKKA: What planet? 790: That one
(Lyekka looks at the
planet on the view screen, pulls a face)
LYEKKA: It does not look
very tasty 790: I have been waiting for my Xev-orific to communicate with me,
but have heard nothing
(Lyekka picks up the
squawker)
LYEKKA: Hello? Can anybody hear me? Is anybody there?
Stanley?
(Kai answers her)
KAI: The wheel it turns, it
comes around It makes an ancient rumbling sound LYEKKA: This is not
Stanley 790: Where's Xev?!
(Xev and Stan are battling
zombies)
STAN: Get back! XEV: They're not very strong, you can
fight them
LYEKKA: More importantly - where is food?
XEV: Back!
Back!
(A zombie bites Xev on her neck. 792 opens the gate, letting
the zombies enter the courtyard)
HIDEA: You know, you can't just
leave her behind RODA: I'm not leaving her behind, she's leaving herself
behind HIDEA: Here, look - and give me a hand with this bag, it's
heavy RODA: You carry it yourself! I'm getting a hernia from this one. Get
792 to help you, please. I've had enough of you HIDEA: I don't know where he
is
(Roda and Hidea come out of the tower, and see the zombies
feeding)
HIDEA: Look - they're eating the moth RODA: Somebody
must have let them in 792: Yes sir. I did, sir
(792 - or rather,
just his head - is on the ground)
HIDEA: 792! RODA: You're
fired! 792: I'm sorry to have displeased you, sir RODA: Are you insane?!
Why would you open the gate? 792: I was only following my primary function,
which is to care for the former His Shadows RODA: And look what happened,
they ate you 792: No sir. The plant woman did HIDEA: What are you talking
about, stupid head? 792: She's a plant, and she ate me. That's all I know,
except to say that, the experience was strangely pleasant HIDEA: That's
it 792: Will there be anything else, sir?
(Roda kicks 792, then he
and Hidea head back to the tower - but Lomea has locked the
door)
RODA: Lomea, open the door now, honey LOMEA: No HIDEA:
What do you mean, no? LOMEA: I wanted to leave without you and fly away with
Xev, but the moth's gone now, so there's no way off HIDEA: Open the
door RODA: Lomea, this is not funny. They're gonna eat me,
sweetheart HIDEA: Sweetie, darling doe, you don't wanna watch mommy and daddy
die, sweetie LOMEA: We're all gonna die. At least I get to watch you die
first HIDEA: Open the door, darling, listen to mommy LOMEA: No, no,
no HIDEA: Open the door LOMEA: No, no, you're bad, no! RODA: They're
gonna eat me, Lomea
(Roda throws his suitcase at the
zombies)
RODA: Try the suitcase, it's fibre - here! HIDEA:
Lomea!
(Stan and Xev are still struggling)
STAN: Get up,
Xev, go on
(Most of the zombies are now through the gate into the
courtyard)
STAN: Back, back - there's too many of 'em Xev. There's
too many. Back!
(Stan and Xev follow the zombies into the courtyard -
then see the moth)
STAN: Oh boy. Oh no, no, no, no. Oh, stupid
zombies! They ate the moth! XEV: Good work, ladies HIDEA: Look - get
that
(Hidea throws a suitcase at Xev, and the zombies follow like
dogs)
RODA: My suitcase - tasty XEV: Kai STAN: What? XEV:
He's got the only squawker STAN: Oh, great! XEV: Go STAN:
Kai!
(Stan and Xev leave, ahead of the zombies. Roda drops his other
suitcase)
HIDEA: OK. Leave it, or I leave you RODA: I'm not
leaving my hair products
(Hidea runs - straight into a zombie. She
pushes it out of the courtyard and shuts the gate, though some of the zombies
are still inside)
792: Nice move, Lady Hidea
(Stan and
Xev are walking across the bridge to the cliff)
STAN: Xev - what's
wrong? XEV: This bite stings STAN: Well, just keep it together Xev,
please
KAI: The wheel doth turn, it rolls around
(Kai is now
sitting on the ground, with two skulls. Stan and Xev arrive)
KAI:
Gather round the wheel, my friends And make amends, and make amends XEV:
Kai, what's the matter with you? KAI: All this is about to
end
(Kai throws one of the skulls over the edge)
STAN:
Oh, great - he's cracked, and we're zombie bait KAI: The night doth bleed
into morn Sunlight seeping through the dawn Decayed, forlorn XEV: Kai,
please snap out of it STAN: What are you going to do, bore the zombies into
submission? Xev, just get the squawker XEV: Kai, give me the squawker, we
need it to summon the Lexx
(Kai offers her the
skull)
XEV: No, that's not the squawker, that's a skull. The radio.
The little thing for communicating. You understand me?
(Kai taps a
finger to the side of his head, shows her the squawker - )
XEV: Yes,
that's it Kai, just give it to me, there's a good Kai
(- and throws
it over the edge)
XEV: No! STAN: You dumb stupid dead
guy! KAI: The wheel doth turn, it rolls around STAN: So what are we gonna
do now? XEV: There's a transmitter back in the tower STAN: Back down
there? XEV: Come on, let's go. Come on STAN: (to Kai) I hate
you KAI: It makes an ancient rumbling sound
(Lomea is in her
bedroom. Lyekka appears behind her, taps her on the
shoulder)
LYEKKA: Hello there LOMEA: Hello. Who are
you? LYEKKA: I am Lyekka LOMEA: Lomea - and this is my lucky
day LYEKKA: I like you, Lomea LOMEA: I like you too, Lyekka LYEKKA: I
need to eat
(Lomea gets onto her bed - Lyekka follows
her)
LOMEA: Well, we don't have very much, but - what do you like to
eat? LYEKKA: Many things - as long as they are living and breathing LOMEA:
Oh - like me? LYEKKA: Yes. Or - an animal LOMEA: Like - for example - a
small, furry animal? LYEKKA: I love small, furry animals LOMEA: So do I.
Small, furry, wet, wild animals LYEKKA: That sounds tasty LOMEA: Oh, it
is
(Stan and Xev are walking back across the bridge. She sniffs him)
STAN: What are you doing? XEV: I can smell your brain,
Stanley STAN: Stop it! Xev
LOMEA: I can't think of a better place to
die than in your arms LYEKKA: Do you mean that? LOMEA: Oh, yes LYEKKA:
I am glad that you are so eager for me to eat you LOMEA: I've never been so
eager. Make all my fantasies come true LYEKKA: I will
(Hidea and
Roda hear Lomea moaning, screaming)
RODA: Lomea
(Two
zombies are on the bridge, heading for the cliff, where Kai is using a jawbone
to draw a circle in the soil)
KAI: The wheel it turns, it spins
around Fellows, ha ha ha! Come, come. Share with me your tired tales and let
my windy words fill your empty sails, as you travel across grey hills and
brownish dales Welcome, welcome
(Kai hugs both the zombies, then
makes them hold hands - the zombies are very confused)
(Xev and Stan are
now back in the courtyard, where Hidea and Roda are still fighting
zombies)
HIDEA: Welcome back XEV: We have to get to your
transmitter and call the Lexx. If he hears Stan's voice it might be able to
rescue us RODA: No no no. We can't get to the transmitter 'cause it's in the
tower - HIDEA: - and Lomea won't let us in RODA: She'll never listen to
us HIDEA: But she might listen to you, if you said the right thing she might
listen to you XEV: All right then
(They all go to the tower. Roda
gets bitten by a zombie)
RODA: I hope he had his rabies
shot HIDEA: Lomea, open the door
(Lyekka opens the door, then
vanishes)
STAN: I thought you said it was locked RODA: It
was STAN: Quick, come on
(They go inside, and Hidea bars the door.
One zombie bangs on it, then goes back to the other zombies)
(Kai is
trying to teach his zombies poetry)
KAI: Around the hub, we -
(He listens for a response from the zombie, holds up the
jawbone)
KAI: We - ?
(Kai gives up, pushes the zombie off
the cliff, laughs, then turns to the other zombie)
KAI: The grinding
wheel!
(Inside the courtyard, the zombies pick one zombie up to use
as a battering ram)
792: Can I be of some assistance to
you?
KAI: It makes an ancient rumbling sound
(Kai is trying to
make the remaining zombie dance)
KAI: Round the wheel we lightly
prance La la la la la la la la la
(Stan is helping Xev up the
stairs in the tower)
STAN: Come on, Xev, you can make it
KAI:
Around its hub we sprightly dance La la la la la la la la la -
la!
(Kai pushes the zombie off the edge, then throws back his head
and laughs)
(The zombies break through the tower door, as Stan reaches
the top of the stairs)
RODA: 1002, 1003, HIDEA: Oh, shut your
mouth and save your breath RODA: 1004, 1005. It doesn't get any easier
(to Stan) I'm very sorry. We were gonna put in an elevator, but you don't
get much money taking care of the dead, you know what I mean?
(The
zombies are walking into the tower)
792: Sorry. Am I in your way,
sir?
(Roda starts up the transmitter)
RODA: What's the
name of the ship? STAN: Lexx RODA: Lexx STAN: Hello, hello Lexx, Lexx,
come in 790: Tweedle - what's going on? Where's Xev? STAN: She's
here
(Xev doesn't look well)
792: If anyone requires
assistance, I'm over here
(The zombies shut the tower door behind
them)
792: Hello?
STAN: Lexx - I want you to come down to the
planet and pick us up, can you do that? LEXX: The island is too small. I
cannot land, Stan STAN: Can you hover above it or something, and we'll find a
way to get up to you 790: Tweedle - do what you have to do. Disembowel
yourself and let Xev use your intestines for a lasso
(Xev makes a
choking sound, and falls backwards. Hidea hears zombies coming up the
stairs)
HIDEA: How long is it gonna take to get that thing
here? STAN: Not long HIDEA: We don't have long STAN: Oh boy. Lexx,
hurry HIDEA: Hurry! STAN: Look, is there a way, a way to get to the
roof? HIDEA: Of course
(She uses a ring to lower a
ladder)
STAN: Xev, Xev, I'll help you up to the roof
(Xev
is nowhere to be seen)
STAN: Xev? Xev?
(The zombies are
at the to of the stairs. Hidea goes up the ladder. Roda is next, but zombie Xev
grabs him)
RODA: Let me go! Please! STAN: Xev!
(Hidea
raises the ladder behind her. Xev bites Roda)
RODA: No, please. Oh
my, oh my god! Oh!
(He disappears beneath the zombies. More zombies
corner Stan)
STAN: No, help, help, help! What about me? HIDEA:
Well, somebody's gotta feed them STAN: No, help me. Help!
(Hidea
makes her way onto the roof of the tower)
HIDEA: Much better you
than me
(She sees the Lexx overhead - it dwarfs the island. Hidea
feels someone tap her shoulder)
LYEKKA: Hello HIDEA: Who are
you? LYEKKA: Lyekka. You must be -
(She circles around Hidea,
sniffing her)
LYEKKA: - Lomea's mother HIDEA: Yes, I am. Where is
Lomea? LYEKKA: She was yummy. In fact - delicious HIDEA: That's -
nice LYEKKA: And now, I'm going to eat - you HIDEA: No. I don't - I mean,
I have thought about it, of course, I mean, who hasn't, really, I just, oh my,
oh my - do you find it hot here?
(Hidea fans herself. Lomea moves in
for the kill)
STAN: Xev. Help!
(Lyekka lowers the ladder
down to him)
STAN: Lyekka! LYEKKA: Hello Stanley
(Stan
scrambles up the ladder. Xev is still with the zombies)
(Kai is sitting
in Lyekka's moth on the roof)
KAI: The grinding wheel, it rolls
around It makes an ancient rumbling sound
(Stan and Lyekka
arrive)
STAN: You ate Hidea? LYEKKA: Yes - but she tasted
bitter STAN: I don't wanna know. Oh good
(He gets into the
moth)
STAN: You got Kai! LYEKKA: Yes STAN: Wait, wait wait -
we can't leave without Xev
(Kai puts his lily into Lyekka's top,
between her breasts)
KAI: The fickle fates, the cosmic
grind Conspire to leave our friends behind STAN: Oh shut up! Lyekka,
Lyekka, no, we have to go get her
(They don't have to. Zombie Xev
claws at the moth door)
(Later, on the bridge of the Lexx. Kai is looking
thoughtful)
STAN: You sure you're all right? KAI: We are out of
range of the planet's radiation. It is no longer - affecting me. I'm fine. But
Xev isn't
(Xev snarls. She is tied to the pedestal)
790:
Be careful with her
(Kai starts sucking zombie poison from the bite
on Xev's neck, spits it out. She snarls at him, then he starts sucking poison
from her mouth)
790: Oh Xev. I worship you in any
condition
(Kai spits out more poison)
XEV: Again,
please
(She's back to normal, if a little rough)
XEV: Kai
- again, please KAI: A third application is unnecessary. I have already
sucked all the poison out of you XEV: Let me be the judge of
that
(Stan looks disgusted. Xev leans down and Kai moves towards her
- then pulls away. Xev sniffs)
STAN: What? What?
(Stan
sniffs his breath)
XEV: Did - did I eat the High Governor? STAN:
Oh - oh yeah, yeah as a matter of fact you did - his brain anyway LYEKKA: I
ate Lomea and the mother STAN: Oh, good
(Kai looks at Lyekka -
trying to remember where he left his lily?)
XEV: Oh, I feel better
now STAN: Oh, me too, me too. So - let's blow up Ruma, hm? KAI:
Why? STAN: Well - KAI: There's no-one living on Ruma STAN: It would be
a feel-good experience for me, huh? Yeah? OK Lexx - turn around. Show me that
planet - I'm gonna turn it into granite LEXX: As you request,
Stan
(But the view screen shows Mantrid's machine and the drone arms
devouring Ruma)
STAN: Oh boy. Oh boy KAI: I believe that the game
is continuing
© Filking Fairy
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana
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