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Lexx 4.24 Yo Way Yo
(written by Paul Donovan)

(White House Press Conference)

PRIEST: Today is a happy day. The Earth has been saved, the alien mother ship has been destroyed, and all the bad carrots have stopped working. Yes, it is a good day. Of course, Tokyo and much of coastal Japan have been laid waste - but we don't really care about that, do we? First Lady Bunny and I are going to celebrate by cancelling all appointments, taking the week off and having fun. The rest of you can go back to work, or do whatever it is you do, so good luck, good day, and (someone whispers to him) - what? What? (Priest walks off screen)

TV ANCHOR: Well, that was President Priest addressing America and the world regarding the historic defeat of the most dangerous threat our planet has ever faced - that is, until he was interrupted by - something important, I suppose (looks worried)

(In the Oval Office)

GENERAL: Mr President, When the asteroid was destroyed by the Lexx and all the bad carrots all over the world stopped working, it was assumed that the alien threat had ended. However, there's been a small development
DEFENCE SEC: Actually, a rather large development, Mr President
GENERAL: We now think that the asteroid that landed off Japan may not have been the actual alien mother ship - just a small probe, or rather a decoy sent out in advance of the much larger mother ship
PRIEST: Larger? How much larger? Wasn't the first asteroid rather huge? (he hugs Bunny nervously)
GENERAL: The first asteroid was about the size of the city of Tokyo, and the second one, now approaching Earth, appears to be twice the size of the moon
PRIEST: First Lady Bunny and I have to get off this planet right away. You can arrange that, can't you, General Klebstock?
GENERAL: Mr President (gives him a helmet)
PRIEST: What's this?
GENERAL: You were shot down over Vietnam during the war, were you not, Mr President?
PRIEST: Yes, yes, of course - but what's that got to do with this funny hat?
GENERAL: The only hope that the human race has left is to fight the aliens one on one when the asteroid gets here
DEFENCE SEC: We've gotta send up everything we have - every stealth fighter, every F16, every last Vietnam era F4
GENERAL: All serving pilots and former pilots are gonna have to do their duty
DEFENCE SEC: Even you, Mr President. We're gonna lick those aliens
GENERAL: We'll go down like men

(Space - The asteroid passes the moon)

Opening titles (sing along, it's your last chance!)

Yo Way Yo
Yo Way Yo Hom Var Ray
Yo Way Rah Jerum Brunnen G
Yo Way Yo Hom Var Ray
Yo A Rah Jerum Brunnen G
Yo A Rah Jerum Brunnen G

(Lexx - Stan, Xev, Kai and 790 are on the bridge)

STAN: What kind of a planet should we find now, huh? Say, a happy nature one, hot party one, or a sex starved women in prison one, hot men with big members one?
KAI: I remind you that we are in the darkest part of the Dark Zone. There are very few good planets in this universe, and even fewer in this part of it
PRINCE: He's right (he's appeared from nowhere, and claps)
STAN: Prince?!
XEV: You're dead
STAN: How come you're here?
PRINCE: Yes, Xev, I am dead. Or rather more accurately, I'm Death. You see, when I was ruler of the planet Fire, I knew what I was supposed to do, but I was never quite sure of exactly who I was. And then, it all became clear. First the planet Fire was destroyed, then my body here on Earth, and now the Earth itself has a date with destiny. So you see, I'm not just Prince - I'm also Death
STAN: You're Death. What's that supposed to mean?
PRINCE: Death is a familiar face, Stanley - my face, that has appeared to people throughout the ages when they were about to die. I was there to welcome them to the other side, so to speak
XEV: And why are you here now?
PRINCE: That's a very good question (he strokes her chin) Xev
STAN: But since the Lexx destroyed Fire and Water, there is no afterlife
XEV: Is there?
STAN: And all the dead from Fire and Water, like you and President Priest, they all went down to Earth, which is one big reason why we never wanna go back down there
PRINCE: But you will, Stanley. As I said, the Earth is about to have a date with destiny, and you are a very important part of that
STAN: No! We are never going back there. No way, no how
XEV: You can say whatever you want, we don't believe you - you're a liar
STAN: Yeah, you're just trying to scare us again, aren't you?
XEV: So what's your real plan? What trick are you up to now?
PRINCE: No tricks, Xev. As I said, mine is the face that appears to people before they're about to die. Just before (he looks at Kai) their death (Prince vanishes)
XEV: How'd he do that?
790: He's an evil spirit
STAN: Oh yeah, he is an evil spirit, and that's why I don't believe anything he says. Look, he's just trying to spook us
XEV: What do you think he meant by Earth having a date with destiny?
KAI: I do not know
STAN: Look, Prince is a trickster, he's just laying games with our heads, there's nothing more to him
XEV: No, but really - how can he just appear and disappear like this?
790: Like I said, he's an evil spirit, that's what they do
KAI: If Prince is the personification of Death, as he says, his visit here would have a specific purpose
STAN: Well Kai, you're dead. Did Prince appear to you just before you died?
KAI: (thinks about this) No
STAN: Well, see, he's a liar!
XEV: What if he's not a liar? What if he really is Death, who was he here to visit - you, me, us, all of us?
790: The more the merrier, I say Kai's already dead, so that means it has to be either you or Stan, and preferably both
STAN: Look, but anyway, none of this matters. You know Prince is connected to Earth, and we are never going back there, contrary to what he says - ever! Lexx - I command you to speed up, I command you to go as fast as you can away from that planet that we just came from, that we never want to go back to

(There is no reply from the Lexx)

STAN: Lexx - can you hear me?
LEXX: Could you repeat that, please? I did not hear all of it
STAN: I command you to speed up, I command you to go as fast as you can. Did you hear that?
LEXX: Could you please repeat the command? I forget what you said
STAN: Lexx, I command you to go at full speed. Lexx, are you going at full speed?
LEXX: No, Captain, I am not
STAN: Why?
LEXX: Because I am very very tired and do not have the energy to do so

(Dr Longbore's lab)

LONGBORE: The Noah is finally complete. I thank you all for your hard work and dedication. Truly sorry that I cannot bring you all along with me, but those left behind will die comforted by the knowledge that they have helped save the human species. You are arranged in alphabetical order, I will read the names of those selected in that same order. I ask those selected to step forward and board the Noah as soon as they are called. Anderson, S - Ashcroft, P - Cross, H (all pretty girls)
(Prince appears on Longbore's laptop screen)

PRINCE: You're mine, Dr Longbore

(The asteroid is over London, Paris, Washington. People flee in terror as it opens up. Aliens swarm out, and giant tentacles crash into the Earth)

(Lexx bridge. 790 is wired up to the Lexx)

790: So, the Lex is getting senile
XEV: What do you mean, senile?
790: What I mean, love slave with no education, is that when living things get old, they often suffer from progressive senile dementia. The Lexx is a living thing, and he's on the way out
STAN: But he's only 6000 years old, that's not old for a giant living insect craft
KAI: Yes it is. Lexx is coming to the end of his natural life span
STAN: Lexx, I command you not to die on us - at least, not until we find ourselves a decent planet
790: Don't worry - he did not hear your utterly insensitive remark. He's also getting hard of hearing
STAN: We gotta find ourselves a new planet, we gotta find ourselves a new home fast
XEV: But how? Most of the planets around here have been all destroyed by Lyekka. Kai - is it true what 790 says?
KAI: The evidence points to that conclusion
XEV: Maybe that's why Prince was here - to visit the Lexx
STAN: I'm getting a headache
XEV: What do we do?
KAI: There is only one choice
STAN: It's a bad choice, I don't wanna make it
XEV: We have to
STAN: No, we don't have to! There's gotta be another way
XEV: Kai - is there any other way?
XEV: Stan, we don't want to be stuck in the middle of space
KAI: The Noah vessel which Dr Longbore is building using technology supplied by 790 should be completed by now
STAN: Well - Lexx - I command you to turn around and head back to Earth
LEXX: As you command, Captain
STAN: I hope Longbore hasn't finished the Noah and is long gone

(Longbore's lab)

LONGBORE: And finally, Zimmerman, B. I understand your disappointment at not having been selected for the voyage, but all is not doom and gloom for you. Some time ago I instructed the bots that built the Noah to begin building a small but ultra dense particle collider, based on the advanced technology used in the Noah's drive system. This collider is now operational. Not long after the Noah leaves this planet -
GEEK: Without us!
LONGBORE: - the collider will reach the energy level required to determine the mass of the Higgs-Boson. Achieving this energy level will of course also destroy this planet by collapsing it into an ultra dense particle about the size of a pea, but you will die knowing the true mass of the final building block of nature
GEEK: You know how hard we all worked for you, Dr Longbore, and a lot of us are really disappointed with the crew you chose. I mean, we can't help but notice that none of the guys were selected, except for yourself
GEEKETTE: And the only girls you're taking are the good looking ones!
LONGBORE: I'm sorry if you're disappointed, but you know full well that all selections were based purely upon my superior sense of smell to determine the histocompatability of those needed to build another human race
GEEK: We don't agree, Dr Longbore. The selection is not fair. We did the work, not them. We deserve to go on the Noah
LONGBORE: You are not selected and that is that. Now behave like adults and accept your fate. You should thank me for letting you share in the joy of discovering the mass of the Higgs-Boson
GEEK: We don't care about the Higgs-Boson! We just wanna get off the planet before the aliens get us. We did the work! We have a right to go!

(The scientists head towards Longbore, but bots keep them back)

LONGBORE: Did you not think that I would anticipate the possibility that those rejected might respond aggressively? All you've achieved is to confirm how right I am to leave you behind. Goodbye

(Alien tentacles crushing people, snapping Big Ben in two)

(An airforce base. Priest is standing in front of a jet, with Bunny, army guys and TV crews gathered to see him off)

PRIEST: You know, General Klebstock, you spend 30 years in the jungle, you forget a lot of things - especially things like flying airplanes
GENERAL: Don't worry, Mr President. As soon as you strap yourself in, it all comes back

(Priest tries to make a run for it)

GENERAL: Mr President!
PRIEST: I forgot something, I have to get it
GENERAL: Mr President, the whole world's watching you
PRIEST: The whole world can wait, I forgot - my toothbrush. And I can't fly without it, it's bad luck, you know? Terrible bad luck, so I have to fetch it - won't be long
BUNNY: I've got one, Mr President!

(His excuse is gone. Priest resigns himself to getting on the plane)

GENERAL: Save the Earth, Mr President
BUNNY: I'm going too
GENERAL: I'm sorry, it's not permitted
BUNNY: But I have to be with the President!
PRIEST: You don't have to go Bunny. It doesn't matter
BUNNY: It does too matter. I have to be with you
GENERAL: You're a brave woman, First Lady Bunny (Bunny salutes him) Wish I could say the same for your husband

(Priest gets into the front of the plane, Bunny gets into the seat behind him)

PRIEST: Bunny - I, err, - I, err, - I have a confession to make
BUNNY: What Mr President?
PRIEST: I don't know how to fly this plane - I mean, I'm not a pilot, I'm not a war hero and I never was in Vietnam. I'm a really bad, bad, bad, bad, bad man, from a bad, bad, bad planet called Fire, and I came here with Prince after that planet was destroyed. Bunny, I'm an alien (he's quite upset) The only reason I became President is because Priest was able to put it into people's minds to vote for me
BUNNY: That's OK, Mr President
BUNNY: Because you're still my President and I love you
PRIEST: Really, why?
BUNNY: It's just the way I am
PRIEST: Bunny, I can't fly this plane
BUNNY: Well, I don't care - I'm going with you
PRIEST: Really, Bunny, stay behind
BUNNY: For what? Come on, Mr President. Let's get up there and kick some alien butt!
PRIEST: But all these buttons and knobs - I don't know what any of them do! (he's nearly in tears)
BUNNY: Well, just keep pushing them until something happens - I mean, it can't be that hard, it's not rocket surgery
PRIEST: Yes, yes - I suppose we can do that, can't we? (pushes buttons randomly. The engine starts up)
PRIEST: Yes! Ha ha!

TV ANCHOR: And there you have it. President Reginald J Priest and First Lady Bunny, taking to the skies to fight the alien menace. And now, a brief look at the weather

(Not your normal weather forecast. Instead of clouds, there are pictures of alien asteroids. Prince is there)

PRINCE: Well, the weather's looking bad. It's bad here, bad there - bad everywhere. Nasty alien creatures raining down from the skies, devouring all life on this planet. And what does that mean to you, you ask? It means you're mine. You're all mine

(The jet plane is in the air. We can hear Priest and Bunny screaming as it rolls over and heads towards the ground. Prince appears on the monitor)

PRINCE: Mr President
PRIEST: My Prince!
PRINCE: Push that stick thing to the left as you pull back on it
PRIEST: This one?
PRINCE: Yes. Very good. Now, pull slowly back on the blue handle

(The plane levels off)

PRIEST: Oh, oh, oh thank you (kisses at the screen) I always knew you cared for me

PRINCE: As a matter of fact I don't care for you at all - but, from time to time you have proved useful, and as I'm in need of your services right now, your death would be quite inconvenient
PRIEST: I'll do anything you say. You are my Prince
PRINCE: Yes I am

(The Lexx, heading towards Earth)

XEV: The Lexx is so slow now. How much longer is this going to take?
LEXX: I am sorry but I am doing my best
XEV: Lexx answered me
STAN: Lexx - who is your captain?
LEXX: You are my captain, Stan
STAN: That's right. Why did you answer Xev?
LEXX: Oh. I am sorry. I got mixed up. I thought she was my captain. I am very very tired
STAN: Lexx - can you make it back to Earth?
LEXX: I think I can, Captain Stan
KAI: We are being assisted by the sun's gravity. It will not take long now

(The Lexx reaches the Earth. The alien asteroid is attached to it)

STAN: Oh, Lyekka, Lyekka, Lyekka
XEV: Can the Lexx's weapon blow it up without destroying the planet?
STAN: Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?
790: What we'll find out is if the Lexx's weapon still works at all
STAN: Lexx - I command you-
LEXX: Stan?
STAN: Yes Lexx?
LEXX: I like to blow up planets, and you like to blow them up too. You are my favourite captain
STAN: That's good Lexx. Do you see that big alien asteroid thing that is attached to the Earth?
LEXX: Yes I do Stan. And Stan?
STAN: Yes Lexx?
LEXX: I'm going to miss you
STAN: I'm going - I'm going to miss you too, Lexx. So Lexx, I command you to fire a small shot with your weapon at that asteroid that blows it up, but does not blow up the planet. Do you understand?
LEXX: Yes I like to blow up planets but I wil fire just a small shot
STAN: At the asteroid, Lexx, not at the planet
LEXX: OK, Captain

(Lexx fires a small blast at the asteroid - it doesn't even make a dent)

STAN: OK Lexx, that's good, that was a start. You did not blow up the planet. I want you to fire another shot at the asteroid, only this time give it everything you got
LEXX: As you command, Captain

(Lexx fires again, with the same result)

STAN: No, no, no, no, no Lexx! I told you to give it everything you've got!
LEXX: I did, Captain Stan. I am very very tired. I think I cannot fire any more shots now. I think I have to rest
STAN: No Lexx, no. Lexx?
790: He's old and exhausted and his weapon is out of juice. You should have told him to give it all he's got on the first shot, but you didn't, because you're a pathetic no-good loser
XEV: Shut up 790
790: OK, space slut
XEV: So what do we do now?
KAI: Let the Lexx rest, and see if he recovers enough strength to destroy the asteroid. In the meantime, I suggest that we determine the state of Dr Longbore's Noah vessel
STAN: I really, really, really, don't wanna go back to that planet

(Stan, Xev, and Kai, each in a separate moth, flying to Earth)

STAN: You know, I do not like this
XEV: Do you have any better ideas?
STAN: No I don't - wish I did. And Prince, you know - why did he have to say he was Death? - makes me feel even less good about going back to Earth
KAI: Stanley, Xev - stay close to me - no matter what happens
STAN: Huh - don't worry, I will
XEV: I'll stay close to you, Kai

(On the Lexx - whose mind is wandering)

LEXX: Planets - blowing up planets - yes, Captain - no, no, no, I don't like little drone arms that fly around. You remember them?
790: Perhaps I do and perhaps I don't. But do you?
LEXX: I do. I forget things, and sometimes I remember them again - or maybe not
790: But you haven't forgotten how to blow up planets?
LEXX: I like blowing up planets. Whoosh - bang - boom!
790: I do too
LEXX: That's good
790: It is good. Very very good. And Lexx?
LEXX: Yes?
790: I've looked forward to having a conversation like this with you for a long long time

(In the jet with Priest and Bunny, and Prince on monitor)

PRIEST: Ready, Bunnykins?
BUNNY: I think so!
PRINCE: Remove the big red plate and prepare to push the orange button underneath it
PRIEST: This one?
PRINCE: Yes, that one
PRIEST: And when do I push it?
PRINCE: - Now!

(Priest and Bunny eject, and land right next to the Noah. The last of the girls gets on board. Longbore is about to get onto the lift, but Priest kicks his wheelchair away. He and Bunny take the lift)

PRIEST: Sorry, but Prince told us. We've got to go, and you've got to stay. Bye bye!
LONGBORE: This is my vessel. I built it and you have no right to take it away from me
PRIEST: Maybe not, but we have. Sorry, t that's the way things are

(The Noah takes off - love the picture on the side! Longbore is caught in the blast, along with most of the scientists, except for Geek and Geekette)

GEEKETTE: Now what do we do?
GEEK: Determine the mass of the Higgs-Boson, of course
GEEKETTE: There's something else we can do

(On the Lexx 790 hears their message)

GEEKETTE: Kai? Kai, are you there? We love you, Kai, and we want you to rescue us. We'll do anything that you want as long as you rescue us from this doomed planet. Kai! Kai!
790: Doomed planet is right. Lexx? Are you feeling rested?
LEXX: I am still very tired, but I think I am less tired than I was
790: And is your weapon charged up and ready to perform again?
LEXX: I don't think I can perform yet, but I think I will be able to in a little while
790: That's OK, Lexx - we've got all night. And Lexx?
LEXX: Yes?
790: As soon as you feel you can rise to the occasion, I would like you to do a little favour for me
LEXX: What's that?
790: Blow up that ugly blue planet
LEXX: Are you my captain?
790: Well technically, no, but you can consider me your friend - at least in an artificial and temporary sort of way
LEXX: I only do what my captain says
790: Seeing as you're getting stupider by the minute, we'll work on that. And for the record, all that matters to me is that in blowing up that planet, you destroy everyone who is after Kai

(The moths head down to Longbore's lab)

STAN: Longbore's ship, where's Longbore's ship?
GEEK: Gone, gone. Will you take us to the Lexx?
GEEK: Why not?
KAI: The Lexx is dying
GEEK: Getting to the Lexx is our only hope. Earth is finished. Even if those aliens don't destroy the Earth, this will
KAI: What is this?
GEEK: It's a super high energy particle collider. Dr Longbore used the bots that built the Noah to make it. It's just warming up now, but once it reaches the power level needed to determine the mass of the Higgs-Boson -
GEEKETTE: - it will destroy the planet!
GEEK: - by collapsing it into an ultra dense particle - about the size of a pea
KAI: Your best hope is that Lexx is able to summon up enough energy in order to fire one last shot that will destroy the alien asteroid, but he has reached his natural end, and he will die soon
XEV: How long since Dr Longbore left?
GEEK: Longbore didn't leave. He got burnt up when the Noah took off
STAN: Well then who took it?
GEEK: It looked a lot like President Priest and First Lady Bunny
STAN: Ahh!
XEV: So how long ago did they leave?
GEEK: Not long at all - I'm sure you'd have seen 'em, 'cept for the cloud
STAN: We've gotta go after them somehow

(Kai is hit by a spark from the Higgs-Boson collider)

GEEK: Be careful now!

(The spark jumps from Kai to Geek and Geekette, and fries them both)

XEV: Eww! Kai - Kai, are you coming?
XEV: Why not?
KAI: When Prince, or rather Death, visited the Lexx, he was there for me
XEV: I don't understand, how can that be - you're dead already
STAN: Kai, Xev, we're wasting time here, we've got to go
KAI: When I died before, I was put into a state that was not life, but also not complete death. That is why I was not visited by Prince. My demise was not final. But this time, he has visited me, so now it will be
XEV: But how can you know that he came for you, instead of me or Stan or the Lexx?
KAI: I felt it
STAN: Excuse me for interrupting, but the Noah, our only chance of escape, is getting away
KAI: You can try to catch the Noah, but it flies much faster than our moths
STAN: OK, well, you tell me what other choice we got
KAI: The aliens that are consuming this planet will likely continue until they have predated all life in this universe. I must stop them
STAN: Yeah, well, how?
KAI: I will use a moth to tow the Higgs-Boson collider into the asteroid. When it reaches full power it should trigger a chain reaction that will destroy the alien vessel
STAN: But the Lexx is going to destroy the asteroid with his last shot
KAI: Perhaps. Or perhaps not. In any event, I must be prepared to enter the asteroid with the collider
XEV: But you're a decarbonised Divine Assassin. You won't be destroyed, will you?
KAI: My molecular structure has been altered on a subatomic level. I would not normally be destroyed by such an event
XEV: What do you mean, normally?
STAN: What, what are you, what are you saying, something could be different this time?
KAI: I do not know. But I feel that it will be
STAN: Feel, what do you mean, feel? Feel? The dead don't feel
KAI: No, they do not
(he looks at Xev)
KAI: Goodbye, Xev. I'm sorry that I have not been able to love you in the way that you wanted me to
XEV: Don't talk like that
STAN: Come on now, Kai. Look, Xev is right, here. I hate it when the dead get feelings. Look, let's all just go, OK, and we'll catch up with the Noah, and the Lexx'll destroy the asteroid and everything will be just fine
KAI: Goodbye Stanley
STAN: No, no Kai, not goodbye, because we need you, OK, see, when we catch up with the Noah we're gonna need you there to use your brace to get us into it
KAI: Go now. The longer you stay, the less likely it is that you will catch the Noah
STAN: (upset) No, not without you
KAI: Yes, Stanley. Go

(Xev is crying. Stan is clearly very upset)

STAN: Come on Xev. Kai's right, we gotta go
XEV: I can't say goodbye
STAN: I can't say it either Xev, but we gotta go. You take care, dead man (he turns to the moth)

(Kai and Xev kiss)

XEV: I love you Kai
STAN: Come on Xev - we gotta go. Kai's right (he takes her to the moth)

(On the Lexx)

790: Lexx?
LEXX: What?
790: Nothing. Lexx?
LEXX: What?
790: Nothing. Lexx?
LEXX: Yes, Captain?
790: Lexx - I order you to use every last bit of juice you've got to blow up that ugly blue planet
LEXX: As you command, Captain
790: Woo hoo! Goodbye Earth, and hip hip hoorah! And goodbye Stan and Xev - even better!

(Lexx fires a really huge bolt)

(In Kai's moth - Prince appears behind him and touches his shoulder)

PRINCE: Kai. Do you remember me agreeing to make you truly alive again if you defeated me in our little game of chess?
KAI: Yes. And now you are delivering on that promise
PRINCE: Exactly. Cheery bye!

(He vanishes)

(Lexx's bolt heads towards Earth. The alien asteroid detaches itself from the Earth. The Noah jettisons its fuel pods. The moths fly past the Earth (Kai's towing the collider heads towards the asteroid, Stan and Xev go past it heading for the Noah) just as Lexx's bolt splits the Earth in two. It disintegrates. The asteroid closes up. The Noah sails away)

(Prince appears onboard the Noah)

PRINCE: Free at last!

(In various moths)

XEV: Goodbye, little blue planet
KAI: 790 - why did the Lexx blow up the Earth?
790: The Lexx destroyed the Earth, beloved dead man, because Captain 790 ordered him to do so
STAN: 790, you're not the captain, I am!
790: You're still alive, security guard? How disappointing
XEV: I am too
790: Even worse!
STAN: 790, what's going on?
790: What is going on is that Lexx has lost his mind completely. He has no idea who his captain is anymore
LEXX: Studman Stan Lexx Captain Number One. The universe is glowing. One last good bang
KAI: Will the Lexx be able to manage another shot to destroy the asteroid?
790: Don't think so. He shot his entire wad. Blew up his last planet and now it's game over for the big bug
XEV: 790, do you realise what you just did?
790: Of course. People on Earth were after my man - if not actually, then potentially, so the planet had to be destroyed. Any robot head in my position would have done the same
STAN: 790, you are so evil!
790: Not evil - just obsessed
XEV: No, not just obsessed - you are evil, and I hope I never see you again
790: Fine by me
XEV: Stan, look left!

(Lots of little aliens swarming around)

XEV: Kai, the aliens are after us now. Kai, we have to -

(she sees him on the monitor)

XEV: Kai - you're different
KAI: Prince has delivered on his promise and made me - truly alive
XEV: That's - That's -
STAN: It's Prince - he's made Kai alive so he's gonna die when the collider explodes
790: (howls)
XEV: If you get the collider into the asteroid, you can leave it behind and then get out as fast as you can, you hear me?
KAI: I will try to do that, Xev

(Stan and Xev head into space, aliens go past them towards Kai)

XEV: They're going faster! They're ignoring us, Kai, and going after you
STAN: (laughs) Oh, Stan, what are you doing? Xev, Kai, listen to me. Lexx is dying, the Noah's gone. That stupid robot blew up the planet, and Xev - let's face it, we're doomed. Now look - if it's really the end for us, and these aliens are going to go on, they're gonna wipe up every bit of humanity on every planet in this universe - as a human being, I'm gonna go down fighting. So what do you say, Xev?
XEV: Let's go, captain

(They follow Kai to the asteroid)

STAN: Kai, we're with you buddy. We are with you

(Kai waves)

XEV: Any alien that gets close to you is going to get its ass bit by a cluster lizard
KAI: We have to find an opening in the asteroid, before the chain reaction starts

(The moths fly close to surface of the asteroid)

STAN: There's no openings around here anywhere
KAI: We have to go to the other side of the asteroid, where it was attached to the Earth. It may have suffered damage there from the explosion

(Lexx is smoking and shuddering)

790: Please don't die on me. Please Kai, you're even better than before. Don't die on me now

STAN: Time for a nose job!

(His moth rams an alien jellyfish)

STAN: Hey, look

(They head to an opening, surrounded by lots of green fog. Kai gets separated from the others)

XEV: Hey, I can't see you anymore, are you all right?
KAI: I am all right

(He is heading down a tunnel)

XEV: I can't see a thing
STAN: Neither can I
XEV: Stan, where's Kai?

(The opening of the tunnel in the asteroid closes)

XEV: Kai, where are you? Kai, talk to us

(Kai is having a very bumpy ride in the moth)

STAN: Yeah, look, Kai, the asteroid's all closed but we're outside, we can't see you anywhere. Where are you?
KAI: I am inside the asteroid

(He is sweating. He sees that his knuckles are bleeding. He starts to sing)

KAI: Yo Way Yo

(Xev and Stan hear him)

KAI: Yo Way Yo Hom Var Ray Yo Ay Ra Jerum Brunnen G

(Stan looks upset. Xev joins in with the next line)

KAI: Yo Way Yo Hom Var Ray Yo Ay Ra Jerum Brunnen G
Yo Ay Ra Jerum Brunnen G

(As he sings, the moth is heading through the tunnel, towing the collider behind it. A counter on the side of the collider is calculating the mass of the Higgs-Boson. The moth heads towards a bright light at the centre of the asteroid, and crashes. Kai is thrown clear. Lying on his back, bleeding, he looks at the collider. The mass of the Higgs-Boson is 1313131313. Kai laughs. There is a huge explosion, which then collapses back in on itself)

(Xev is in tears)

STAN: Kai! Kai!

(Xev weeps)

STAN: Goodbye, dead man
XEV: Goodbye, last of the Brunnen G

(On the Lexx, 790 howls with grief, as the bridge starts to rip apart. The Lexx slowly begins to disintegrate, its outer layers drifting off into space. Then the Lexx explodes. 790 is left floating in the debris, sobbing)

STAN: Hey Xev, look!

(Xev laughs. It's LittleLexx. Like the Lexx but greener, with a shorter tail, little legs, and a light above its head - like an angler fish)

XEV: Oh Lexx - you're amazing
STAN: Oh Lexx, I love you

(The moths fly to LittleLexx)

(Stan and Xev enter the bridge - shiny and blue, with lots of windows/eyeholes?)

XEV: Wow
STAN: Who are you?
LITTLELEXX: I don't know (cute voice!)
STAN: I am Stanley H Tweedle, your captain
STAN: Yes I am

(A blue Key appears, and goes into his hand)

LITTLELEXX: And what do you command me to do, Captain?
XEV: Find us a new home, LittleLexx
STAN: LittleLexx - find us a new home
LITTLELEXX: As you command, Captain

(Stan hugs Xev)

(On the Noah - Priest is taking an interest in all the girls, but Bunny pulls him away)

PRINCE: So, Mr President, First Lady Bunny - our journey finally begins
PRIEST: Exactly as you always planned

(He kisses Prince's hand. Bunny giggles nervously)

PRIEST: You are my Prince
PRINCE: Yes I am

(790, floating in space)

790: A poem for Kai, called Ten Thousand Tears, by 790, the robot head who loved him. This epic poem will have ten thousand new lines each day and I will recite it for ten thousand years until my power pack fails. Canto 1, verse 1, line 1:
Oh Kai, oh Kai, oh Kai,
Why did you have to die?
Oh woe, oh woe, oh woe,
Ten thousand years to go

(He is sucked up by LittleLexx)

790: Ahhhh!

The End

© Filking Fairy

© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana

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