Lexx 4.19 Haley's Comet
(written by Paul Donovan)
(A capsule is floating in space. Meanwhile, the Lexx leaves
Earth. Xev is exercising on the bridge, Stan is on the
STAN: Goodbye, little blue planet! I feel good - how about
XEV: Yeah - I feel pretty good too
STAN: Hey Lexx, what about you,
you feel good?
LEXX: I feel good too, captain - and I will feel even better
when I eat that little tiny snack ahead of us
STAN: Good Lexx, good, yeah.
Well now captain Stanley is going off to have himself a long overdue very
pleasant uninterrupted sleep
(He gets down from the pedestal, heads
off the bridge)
XEV: What tiny little snack?
XEV: I do
STAN: You care about Lexx's snacks?
XEV: I'm just
curious, that's all
STAN: You poor lizard. OK Lexx, let's see the snack that
you're about to eat
(The capsule appears on the view
LEXX: It is very small, and is crunchy on the outside, and
chewy on the inside
STAN: See? It's a piece of space junk. You satisfied?
Enjoy your snack, Lexx
(Stan leaves the bridge. Xev looks at the view
screen. Then there's a ringing sound)
(Stan comes back reluctantly)
STAN: What is it
(Xev nods her head at the view screen)
it's a snack that makes noise
XEV: I don't think it's just a snack that makes
noise, Stan. It's someone trying to contact us
STAN: And you want -
(He points at the view screen. Xev
STAN:(sighs) Oh Tweedle, this is a mistake (onto
pedestal) Xev, no matter who it is, or what it is, we are not going back to
STAN: OK Lexx, make
LEXX: As you command, captain
STAN: Yeah yeah
yeah, who is it?
VOICE: We've been rescued!
rescue dudes, like, whoa!
STAN: Like what?
(Inside the capsule. Two guys - Josh and Ryan
- and two girls - Haley and Amber)
JOSH: They took the
HALEY: What do you mean, they took the bait?
RYAN: Hello Lexx.
(Ryan and Josh high-5, and laugh)
to the capsule. Kai space walks and waves at them through a window, then points
at the moth. The moth tows the capsule back to the Lexx)
(On board, they
get the guided tour - everyone walks into the galley)
here, is where we eat. Lexx - food please
(A thin trickle of food
squirts out. They sound disgusted, and Stan grins. Ryan sticks his finger in
some, tries it)
HALEY: Does it contain animal products?
don't know, do you count insects as animals?
STAN: Well, the
Lexx is an insect, and this food - if you can call it that! - is a product of
the Lexx, so - does that answer your question?
HALEY: It does
watches Ryan lick his fingers)
RYAN: It's like, totally totally
bland, but I'm like really really hungry, so no problemo
AMBER: Is it
STAN: Well, it comes from an organ. It comes from - a very big
(Amber pulls a face)
XEV: The Lexx's food organ.
Yeah, the Lexx makes all the food we want as long as he's had something to eat
himself, and since he just ate Holland it's like hey, no problemo
reminds me of that food they served at that overpriced American private school
that Haley went to in Croydon (?)
(They all laugh - except Haley.
Amber lets her hair down - and looks at Kai. 790 snarls)
(All onto the
JOSH: The Earth is a dying planet dude, that's why we're up
STAN: Well that's why we're up here too
And that's why we're leaving it
JOSH: Kyoto, man
AMBER: World Trade Organisation
HALEY: No free trade and
RYAN: The planet is like totally controlled by evil
STAN: Well hey, I'm with you there. Hey, don't stand so close to the
edge, that's dangerous!
XEV: Do you guys like sex?
Good. See - I'm a love slave, and I went down to Earth so I could find men to
have sex with, but it never worked out. I think that is because it's a Type 13
planet controlled by evil forces. So now we want to find a new and better planet
where they have more sex more often - a lot more often
RYAN: That's, like -
AMBER: We're trying to get the message out. Will you help us?
Sure. What message?
RYAN: That the big corporations rule everything
We want it to stop. And we want reparations for the people, all the
JOSH: The corporations must be made to pay, dude
STAN: This may
make sense to you guys but I have no idea what you're talking about
OK, check this out - Haley's dad is like this big rich corporate dude, and she
has a huge trust fund and we used the money to pay the Russians in Kazakhstan,
you know, Star City, where they send up all the Sputniks and stuff to blast us
up here into space
HALEY: So we could get the message to the people
It was an old Comet class capsule that never got used
RYAN: And we have a
laptop with all the right codes for like the TV satellites and stuff but the
antenna got busted on the launch or something so like he we are, up in space
like totally disconnected from ground control
STAN: So - just let me see if I
understand this - you went up into space in that, that tin can, so that you
could broadcast a message back to Earth
STAN: OK. And you
want us to help you go back so you can do that
RYAN: Dude, you like totally
STAN: Well, we're not gonna do it
HALEY: Why not?
we put the Earth behind us. It's a bad planet and we don't want anything ever to
do with it
JOSH: What do you mean, put the Earth behind you?
STAN: I mean,
that we are going far far away from the Earth, never to return, and with any
luck we'll never even have to think about it ever again
AMBER: But I have to
be back next week for the Earth Fest in Trieste (to Kai) Have you ever
been to Trieste?
HALEY: I don't understand. Where would you live
then, on the space station?
STAN: What space station?
(Stan and Xev laugh. Stan gets up on the
STAN: Oh no. This is not a space station. This is the Lexx
- the most powerful force of destruction ever built in the two universe, and I
am the captain
XEV: He is the captain
Xev and Kai are standing talking quietly, while the others are sitting on the
XEV: Stan, we haven't gone that far yet. Maybe we should
just swing back round to Earth and drop them off
STAN: Xev, you promised! We
agreed that we were never gonna go back there
XEV: Well, we're probably still
close enough to send them back in a moth
STAN: Yeah? Yeah, we could do
(He looks at Amber and Haley)
STAN: We could do
XEV: Like what?
STAN: We could bring them with
(Xev looks at the girls)
XEV: What do you have in
STAN: Well, maybe we could just send the guys back in a moth, you know?
Well look, the crew is unbalanced here, we need a couple more females
think it's the girls who wanna go back, if anyone
STAN: We're in no hurry. We
can just bring them with us for a while and if things work out the way captain
Stan would like, well then great. If it doesn't, we can just drop them off
someplace pleasant - or unpleasant, depends on how they behave
XEV: Kai, what
do you think?
KAI: I think - the dead should not intrude in the affairs of
(Kai heads for a passageway. Amber stops him, her hand on
his arm. 790 and Xev watch)
AMBER: Wow, weird cloth. Can you machine
wash this, or do you have to take it to the dry cleaners?
KAI: It is made of
very small living structures strung together. It cleans itself
790: Get your
fingers off my man, you evil tramp!
AMBER: Excuse me?
790: I am a
psychotically jealous robot head in love with a dead man, and I've been watching
you and I can see the need to corpse-cuddle growing in your wicked little
AMBER: He's funny
STAN: Actually no, he's not funny. He's an evil
and a dangerous robot head and his programming is totally defective. He actually
is in love with Kai, so I just recommend that you stay away from him. Stay away
from Kai too because he's dead, he's got no interest in women
AMBER: Is that
STAN: But now, umm, see,
if you -
(Amber ignores him, and follows Kai. Stan tries to follow
her, but Josh pulls him back)
JOSH: Now this ship is really some
weird secret NASA thing except you're not allowed to tell me the truth,
STAN: No, this actually is the Lexx
RYAN: And you're the
STAN: Yes, I'm the captain. Now I gotta go, OK?
RYAN: Dude, I
don't believe you
STAN: Don't believe what?
RYAN: You don't exactly look
like a captain
STAN: (cross) I don't look like a captain. Come over
(Stan gets up on the pedestal, activates the
STAN: Lexx, who's your captain?
LEXX: You are my one
and only captain, captain Stan
RYAN: Cool. How do you control it?
Well, like you just saw, I've got this key and I just -
RYAN: Dude, get real
STAN: I said
nothing! Everything else is on a need to know basis, and you two do not need to
(Stan gets down from the pedestal, and leaves the
HALEY: We've got to get them to broadcast the message.
That's what this is all about
JOSH: You're right Haley
HALEY: How are we
gonna do it?
JOSH: Well, we're gonna have to make 'em like us
JOSH: Really like us. We're gonna have to put out for them, if we
expect them to perform for us
RYAN: You get the captain, Haley
like, way over 30! And anyway, how can I, when -
JOSH: When what?
You and I , you know -
JOSH: We what? Don't worry. This is just a practical
thing. It won't affect you and me (he kisses her) We've all gotta make
sacrifices Haley, to get the word out to the people!
(Ryan and Josh
walk away from Haley)
RYAN: I have to ask, how you ever managed to
get it up with her
JOSH: I just closed my eyes and thought of the trust
(Amber has followed Kai into the
AMBER: You're dangerous, aren't you?
AMBER: Wow. Is this where you sleep?
KAI: I do not sleep, but I do
spend most of my time in this cryopod in a state of suspended animation to
preserve my protoblood
(Amber gets inside his
AMBER: Are you aware of anything when you're in it?
AMBER: Why aren't you in it now?
KAI: Stan and Xev reanimate me, when
they think they may need my assistance, such as when they encounter an unknown
craft in space
(Amber gets out of the cryopod)
mean - like us?
(She moves closer, strokes his
KAI: What do you want, Amber?
AMBER: I don't know - I'm
(She moves in for a kiss - and 790 appears)
Confused? She is an evil witch who's trying to cast a spell on my dead man, who
really wants to cuddle with my casing, only he doesn't realise it. Kai - use
your brace and kill her so I don't have to endure her grating voice any
KAI: I will not do that, 790
AMBER: What is your brace?
AMBER: What does it do?
KAI: It kills people
AMBER: Have you
killed anyone with it?
KAI: I was an assassin with the Divine Order for 2000
years. I have killed many people
AMBER: Show me how it works
790: Show her
Kai - by killing her!
(Kai holds some of her hair, then steps back.
He fires his brace past Amber, and as it comes back it cuts a lock of her hair,
which falls onto 790. Kai leaves. Amber crouches down, picks up the hair, and
790: He is not interested in you
AMBER: What makes you
790: He has not had sex in over 6000 years and has no interest in
anyone - especially stupid tarts with tacky clothes!
AMBER: I might be
interested in him
790: I won't allow it!
AMBER: You won't?
790: No I
will not. Stay far away from my man, or -
AMBER: Or what?
790: Or I'll do
whatever I have to to stop you
AMBER: And what would that be?
run you down! I'll scramble your programming! I'll bite you if I get the chance!
(790 tries to wheel against Amber, but she holds him
AMBER: I think you're overheating
790: But I love him. I love him! Kai! I love you, and she's
just a cheap floozy trying to add you to her trophy shelf!
flies past Saturn. Xev's bedchamber - she is on top of Josh, undoing his
JOSH: I find it hard to love those who are destroying the
XEV: Don't worry. We agreed not to blow up your planet
always knew you were hot Xev but - you're even hotter in the
(Xev takes his shirt off)
XEV: How did you know I
JOSH: I saw you. The whole world saw you. First on the Internet, and
then on that TV show. And now here I am with you, that's totally cool
- totally hot
JOSH: Red hot - which you are. And which Stanley is not, so why
is he the captain and not your babelicious self?
XEV: Because he has the key
to the Lexx
JOSH: And how did he get it?
XEV:(sighs) That's a
(In a passageway, 790 wheels up to Stan)
Dear dear good old pal buddy buddy flawed but ever loveable Stan - I'm
desperate. You have to help me
STAN: Forget it 790, you're not convincing.
Listen, you seen Amber?
790: I have, pus breath. Let's make a deal. I'll do
anything you want, you name it, as long as you kill the scheming bitch for
790: Amber, she's after Kai
STAN: What, you want me to
790: Call it what you want, I consider it a mercy killing. Just
end her life, please!
STAN: And you think I'm gonna murder somebody just like
790: I haven't exactly observed a solid moral streak in you, so
STAN: No 790, no way. I am not going to do it
No 790, what are you - ten times no - forget it!
(790 starts wailing.
Stan crouches down)
STAN: Look, look, would you just - wait. I'll
make a deal with you
STAN: OK. Now you convince Amber to do
some, you know, dirty dancing with me, and I'll do my best to make sure that she
stays away from Kai
790: I will have nothing to do with your filthy
STAN: OK. Fine. Because sooner or later she's gonna get tired of
going after the dead guy, and so Stan the man's gonna get his way in the end
(Stan gets up - Haley is in the passageway behind
HALEY: Captain Stanley?
HALEY: I have something for you
(She tosses her
hair. Stan smiles)
(Back in Xev's bedchamber, she is reciting the comings
and goings of the key)
XEV: And then Lyekka we think, who gave it to
a moth breeder, who gave it to Bunny - that's the First Lady - who gave it back
to a moth breeder, then back to Bunny, and then Stan got it back
I'd like how?
XEV: Why do you wanna know?
JOSH: Hey, I'm a curious guy -
it's a part of my nature
XEV: It's part of my nature too, but -
XEV: Can I trust you?
JOSH: Xev, you can trust me, I promise
XEV: Good. See, you can only get the key if the person
who has it is brought to either the extreme of sexual ecstasy, or the edge of
JOSH: Cool. Totally and excellently cool
(He kisses her
head, tries to leave, but she pushes him onto the bed)
and excellently hot
(She kisses him, but he rolls away from
JOSH: Hang in there babe. Stay frosty - I mean, hot - and I'll
be right back
(He leaves disappointed Xev, and meets up with Ryan and
RYAN: We have totally hit the jackpot, I can't believe that
this is all working
AMBER: Look, I'll do the man in black, but not the
captain, no way!
RYAN: The man in black does not have the key, OK? And he's
dead so, forget it
JOSH: Amber, you have to go like right now and pounce on
Tweedle before Haley does anything and gets the key for herself
AMBER: OK, I
really can't see Haley bringing anyone anywhere near the edge of sexual ecstasy
- even him
JOSH: She's right about that
AMBER: I say we just kill the
JOSH: I would agree - if it wasn't for the dude in black and his
RYAN: I've read loads of ATF files about people, he totally
AMBER: We have to put the dead man on ice
RYAN: So how do we do that?
AMBER: Men always do what I
RYAN: Oh yeah?
AMBER: Trust me
AMBER: You did. Look,
it's not like this is the first time I ever lowered myself purely for personal
gain. I did sleep with both of you, right?
(She smiles, pats their
faces, and walks away. They smile - then Ryan points at Josh)
Did you - ?
(Stan leads Haley by the hand into his bedchamber,
chuckling. He lies on his bed)
STAN: Well Haley - what is it you
HALEY: I want to -
HALEY: Sleep. With you
That's great! (laughs) Now, I assume by sleep with me you don't mean
lie down and have a little snooze? No
(Stan slowly runs his hand up
his thigh, to his crotch)
STAN: But, like so many women you're just
overcome by my manhood and you find yourself compelled to jump on me and enjoy
my studly self to the fullest. Am I right?
but she's really not comfortable)
STAN: Well - I'm ready. Do your
(He sits up, takes her hand)
STAN: You could start
- by ripping off my clothes
(He licks her fingers. She slaps his
HALEY: How dare you, creep!
STAN: (rubs face) What
did you do that for?!
HALEY: Josh and Ryan may want me to, but I won't do
(She runs out of the bedchamber)
STAN: But I got -
(looks down) - uh!
(Xev's bedchamber. She is playing with a
pillow when Josh comes back)
JOSH: Hiya babe
(He undoes his shirt, jumps back on the bed)
So, where were we? Are you ready to resume playing hide the salami with Mr Big
Meat, 'cause I feel like a wild bull tonight!
(Xev pulls him down
onto the bed - Haley is watching from the doorway, shocked)
Xev, you're like Miss Hot Wings, baby - you're like Miss Super Spicy Hot Wings -
Miss Super Spicy Hot Wings with extra cayenne
(he gets up) Hi
HALEY: Admit it - you were only interested in me for
my trust fund
JOSH: OK, you got me - I admit it
HALEY: How could you do
JOSH: I had to - to get the message out Haley - to the people
I don't believe you. I don't believe anything you say. I bet everything you ever
told me was a lie!
JOSH: Not everything - just 99%
puts his hand over his mouth. Haley looks at Xev, who clearly feels sorry for
HALEY: You can have him. He says he cares about the planet, but
all he really cares about is himself. I wish I'd never met you
(She leaves. He laughs, and looks at Xev - who is not
JOSH: What, her? Ah come on, don't worry. Haley's like
(makes crazy sign) and you're like - mmm
(Haley runs along a
passageway in tears - and meets 790)
790: Ever have the urge to kill
790: I know the feeling - well
bedchamber. He sighs, gets off the bed, walks around it. Amber walks in behind
him, gets onto bed and startles him by climbing through the
AMBER: I've never been this close to a real
live captain before
STAN: Well, there's - there's always a first time for
(She puts her hands on Stan's shoulders, leans
AMBER: I really really wanna be with you, Captain Stanley,
it's just that I can't stop thinking about someone else
Kai. There's something really special about him
STAN: Yeah, he's dead - which
means that he can never satisfy you the way a real live man can
AMBER: I wish
I could get him out of my head! It would make things so much easier for
(She strokes his face, and sighs. Stan gets an
STAN: You, you just wait here a second, OK?
(He runs out. She grins)
Kai is programming the cryopod, while Stan tires to talk him into
STAN: I'm just thinking of your best interests here Kai, you
know, the longer you're up the more protoblood you waste. It makes sense for you
to shut down for a while
(Kai gets into the cryopod)
What if you need me to protect you?
STAN: Well if we need you we'll wake you,
OK? Nighty night
(Stan closes the cryopod, laughs)
Oh Amber, get ready for some real live man meat! Oh yeah
- and Ryan emerges from hiding in the cryochamber)
Sleep tight, dead man
(Stan heads back to his
STAN: Oh Amber, hope you're as ready as I
(Xev's bedchamber - she's lying on her bed with
JOSH: I mean, I'm talking extra hot. I'm talking extra
(Ryan walks in)
RYAN: Josh! We're set man
That's great - can you come back later?
RYAN: So - I'm gonna go tell Amber
she doesn't have to do what she doesn't wanna do with the captain
That's great. Bye Ryan
XEV: What does Amber
not have to do with the captain?
JOSH: Oh I don't know - I think it's
something between her and Ryan. Who cares?(he kisses her)
care(she kisses him)
(Stan walks into his
STAN: Hey Amber, you don't have to think about Kai -
(Ryan walks in behind him)
STAN: Hey, you seen Amber?
RYAN: No, why?
(Stan goes to leave - Ryan stops him)
RYAN: Forget it
man - you're definitely not her type
STAN: Listen kid - experience does count
for something. You just might learn that one day. Amber!
- and Amber comes out from behind the moth bed)
AMBER: What about
RYAN: So - you gonna kill him - or
AMBER: Maybe both (smiles)
(The bridge. Haley is leaning
over the edge, reaching for something)
790: It's in a piece of
manmade infrastructure, so the Lexx didn't absorb it like it does most other
things. Lucky I spotted it
(Haley pulls out a
HALEY: What is it?
790: It's called a blackpak. It's
the solution to all your problems - and mine
(She pulls it from its
(Stan is in a
STAN: Amber! Amber! Amber! Amber! Amber!
goes into the cryochamber. Amber is there, stroking Kai's
STAN: Oh, there you are
AMBER: He looks like he's
STAN: No, no, he's frozen actually. Yeah, yeah, he kept going on
about how his protoblood was running out and how he needed to go into cryostasis
and then he just closed the lid on himself
AMBER: When will he wake
STAN: Oh, could be months, maybe years even. Yeah, but in the
meantime (puts his arm around her) why don't you and I retire to
captain Stan's place for a little one on one?
AMBER: Yeah, OK
STAN: Oh. OK
(He grins. She
(Ryan is in a passageway when he sees Haley, holding the
HALEY: Haley has a lot of unresolved issues,
and all you have to do is throw her a few scraps of affection and she's your
slave, right? It doesn't even have to be real affection, because you can fake it
easily, because she can't tell the difference. But she's been useful, hasn't
HALEY: You really care about the
planet, don't you Ryan?
RYAN: I do. I care about the planet
just used me for my trust fund. You needed my money to pay the Russians to
launch the Comet capsule
RYAN: Good Haley - what's that thing in your
(Meanwhile, back in Stan's bedchamber -)
Amber Amber Amber Amber
(She pushes him back onto the bed, he
STAN: You're strong
(She undoes his
STAN: Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah. Nice start. Oh
(She takes off her blouse)
STAN: Turn around? OK
(He turns around, on his hands and
knees. She slaps his bottom. He laughs)
(She blindfolds him)
STAN: We're gonna have some
fun. Oh Amber, you make me feel good
(She laughs - and pulls a razor
out of the back pocket of her trousers. She flicks it open, runs a finger along
(Meanwhile, back in the
RYAN: OK Haley, I'll come clean. You know Josh and I
can hack into anything? Well about a year ago we hacked into an ATF server - the
Department of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms - who really do control everything. We
got to learn about the Lexx, and how the Earth was going down the crapper. So we
thought it would be the best thing to get off the planet and onto the Lexx - and
now here we are
HALEY: So all that stuff about getting the message out to the
people was just a big lie
RYAN: Well - kind of a lie. We're not exactly
against that, but the Earth is a very sick planet, as you yourself always say,
so we thought it would be the best idea to get off the planet and go somewhere
else. And look - we are off the planet. Me, Amber, Josh - and you, Haley. We're
rescued. We are the lucky ones
HALEY: I don't feel lucky
(Amber runs the razor gently along Stan's back)
That's nice. Oh that feels - you make me feel soo good
HALEY: And this
thing in my hand is called a blackpak
RYAN: What's that do?
holds up his hands, nervous)
HALEY: Let's find out. I hope it
(She vapourises him. 790 wheels up behind her)
bedchamber, Stan hears the sound, sits up)
STAN: What was
(Xev hears it as well. She gets off her bed)
AMBER: You tell me
(Stan takes off the blindfold, she
quickly puts the razor away)
STAN: It sounded like a blackpak, only
it couldn't have been
(She tries to distract him, but he gets off the
AMBER: Not likely
XEV: I've just got to
check out something
JOSH: But baby - my booster rocket is fuelled up and
ready to launch like right now
XEV: Well - you'll have to keep it in the
upright launch position till I'm back
HALEY: Gone where?
790: Gone away -
HALEY: You just said it would hurt him!
790: I'm sure it did hurt
him - but it also killed him. How does it feel?
makes me happy
(Amber runs onto the bridge. Haley and 790 are already
AMBER: Where's Ryan?
HALEY: Away - but he told me everything before he left
HALEY: Just - everything. You know
AMBER: I don't know
Haley is going to kill you, you conniving tramp
AMBER: Yeah, right. If that's
all you have to say I'm leaving here, tout suite
HALEY: That's right, you are
leaving here, because like the robot head said you'll be dead - tout
AMBER: Haley - you've always been a few French fries short of a happy
meal, but this is taking things a bit far
HALEY: No it isn't. You guys used
me and you deserve to die
790: And she's going to kill you - just like she
AMBER: You killed Ryan?
HALEY: Yes I did - with this
(Haley pulls out the blackpak, and giggles)
I don't believe you
(Haley aims at her)
AMBER: Even if you did, why would you want to kill me? All I've ever
wanted to do was to broadcast to the people
HALEY: That's a lie
You're a scheming bitch!
HALEY: Killing you will make me feel good, which is
something I haven't felt much recently
AMBER: You can't be serious
I am. Deadly serious. You don't care about Haley and you never did. Haley was
just a wallet to you
AMBER: I told Ryan and Josh we should have gotten rid of
you the second we blasted off. You know why they didn't? Because there was no
way to get you out of the capsule and they didn't want your dead body to stink
the place up!
HALEY: You are a scheming bitch
AMBER: And you're sick in
790: Exactly. Now pull the trigger
AMBER: Haley - I'm gonna take
that thing away from you
HALEY: No, you're not
AMBER: Yes I am
AMBER: Haley, you've always been a good girl who's done what she's
been told. That's not gonna change now
HALEY: Haley's not a good girl
AMBER: Haley -
HALEY: Amber -
(Amber tries to grab
the blackpak - and is vapourised. Haley laughs)
(Stan walks onto the bridge behind
STAN: Amber -
(Haley turns, blackpak in hand.
Stan runs back out into the passageway)
790: Why didn't you
HALEY: I don't know. What do I do now?
790: We finish the job.
You're a serial killer now. You have to get rid of the rest of the crew - all of
them - especially Xev. She's the most dangerous. Stan is only the captain
because he has the key to the Lexx inside him. As soon as you kill him the key
will fly out of his rotten flesh and go into you, and you will be captain of the
Lexx and can rule the universe! Quick - pick me up and take the other exit. We
have to cut Stan off before he can get to Kai in the
(Haley picks 790 up off his trolley, and runs from the
(Stan runs down the passageway into the
STAN: Kai! Kai! Kai! Ah!
(Haley is already
there. Stan hides behind a column, but Haley vapourises it. He runs out of the
HALEY: I missed him!
790: I can't tell you how
disappointed I am. Now pick me up and bring me over to Kai
He sighs, drools)
HALEY: Don't we have to kill the others
790: Yes we do. But I just need a short time to admire my
(Stan runs down a passageway, and bumps into
STAN: Haley blackpaked Amber
she's got 790 on her side, and now she's after all of us. We gotta get outta
XEV: Where's Kai?
STAN: Kai's in the cryochamber, he's frozen.
We can't go in there. Haley's in there. I was just in there and she tried to
JOSH: What's going on?
Haley's got a blackpak
XEV: Where'd she get it?
JOSH: What's a
STAN: I don't know where she got it. A blackpak is - it's a weapon
from the Cluster, it kills people. I didn't even know we had any
STAN: Yeah, he musta put her up to this. I saw her kill Amber and she
said she killed Ryan and now she's after all of us
JOSH: I shoulda dumped her
(Haley arrives, carrying 790)
HALEY: Yes you
should have - before sweet little always trying to please everyone Haley
discovered something really important about herself
JOSH: What's that,
HALEY: That it feels really good to kill jerks like you, Josh
Cut the small talk Haley, pull the trigger! End their lives and then sink into a
state of guilt and depression and end your own life
STAN: 790, you are
790: I am not completely evil! I am madly in love with my man
and I don't like having anyone else around to compete with - especially you. So
Haley, you easily manipulated and stupid cow - blast 'em!
HALEY: What do you
mean, easily manipulated?
790: You were manipulated by your rich father. You
were manipulated by your no-good boyfriend, and now you're being manipulated by
a love-smitten robot head - but who cares about the details?! The only important
thing is that you end the lives of Stan and Xev and the other flesh
(Stan, Xev and Josh have been slowly moving back while 790 was
790: They're getting away!
HALEY: Stop! Haley will not
be manipulated anymore
790: Haley - you're a serial killer. Finish the
790: I thought you enjoyed killing the
(Meanwhile, Stan, Xev and Josh are backing away
HALEY: I did. So I will kill them - but only because I want
to, not because you say so
790: Fine by me. Now shoot!
run. Haley fires, but misses. Stan, Xev and Josh make it to the
STAN: Quick, the moth. We gotta fly
STAN: I don't know. Earth?
XEV: Earth is a doomed planet, and it's
probably out of moth range by now anyway
STAN: Yeah, you're right
have to wake up Kai, it's our only choice
STAN: No no, 790 probably expects
that, they'll be waiting for us
XEV: But they only have one blackpak, they
can't track all of us, so we have to split up and go to the cryochamber from
JOSH: She's right, that's our only choice
gonna be waiting for us. He's got enhanced hearing, remember?
in a passageway, listening to their conversation)
790: I certainly
XEV: Stan, you go back this way. I'll go the other way round past the
shower, and you go the short way through the galley. Do you still remember how
to get to the cryochamber from here?
JOSH: Sure. No challenge there
Good. Be careful
JOSH: I will
(They split up)
carries 790 into the cryochamber, places him on the control
790: No challenge is exactly right. So who are you going to
get rid of first?
(She aims the
790: No no no Haley, not yet
HALEY: Not yet?
Save yourself for last
(Haley puts the blackpak
HALEY: What do you mean?
790: I mean after everyone else is
dead and you realise what a monster you've become, then you should blow yourself
away - and leave me all alone with my corpse
HALEY: You're sick!
as sick as you. I am doing this for love. You are doing it for
790: So get on with
(Josh comes back onto the bridge - then runs to the moth
platform, gets into the moth, and takes off. He laughs. In the cryochamber, 790
790: They're in a moth! Quick - you have to shoot them
down before they escape
(Haley grabs 790 and runs out of the
(Stan and Xev run onto the bridge, then onto the moth
STAN: What are you doing, you're supposed to be on your
way to the cryochamber!
JOSH: I'll come back - when you wake up the dead dude
and take care of Haley. In the meantime - good luck!
XEV: You bring that moth
back here right now
JOSH: Er - OK. Right after Haley blasts you and I get the
STAN: How did he know about the key?
looks at Xev - and Haley runs onto the moth platform)
all he's here for. Hiya Josh
JOSH: Hiya Haley
(Haley aims at
(In the cryochamber, Kai's cryopod opens. He gets
HALEY: Josh doesn't care about the planet, or anything else -
except himself! He used me. Haley was stupid back then but she's not anymore.
Haley's gonna kill him! And then - she's gonna kill you
JOSH: Haley, wait.
Killing is like - like, wrong
HALEY: So is sleeping with people who are
emotionally fucked up just to get their dad's money!
JOSH: Get your clock
XEV: See, I can understand why you might want to kill him, but
790: Because she's flipped! And when you're dead she's going to turn
the blackpak on herself and leave me all alone with my beloved stiff
You really think I'm going to do that?
790: I don't think it - I know
HALEY: You're probably right
790: Of course I'm right. That's why I
chose you. I would not have given the blackpak to someone who might potentially
have interfered with my one and only forever and ever relationship
- if we ever get out of this, it's the end for you
trust fund, no boyfriend, no hope, Haley. Do us all a favour and finish yourself
(Xev does a cluster lizard roll, bumping into Haley, who drops
790. Haley wobbles on the edge of the platform. Xev stands up. Haley regains her
balance, aims at Xev)
HALEY: Back off!
(Josh steers the
moth at Haley, knocking her off the edge. He laughs. As Haley falls, she fires
the blackpak - vapourising the moth - and Josh. Stan and Xev look over the edge.
Far down below, Haley goes splat)
STAN: Oh, what a silly
STAN: Kai - good timing, sort of. What
are you doing up?
KAI: I did not believe your argument Stanley, so I
programmed the cryopod control unit to wake me up after a short time - but I see
you do not need my help
STAN: Not now
(Later, on the bridge. Kai
is tying 790 on his trolley to a support. Stan sticks a cover over 790's
STAN: She might have been a mixed up girl, 790, but you are
responsible for what happened. I think we ought to reset you
790: No. I am
perfectly content being in love with Kai
(Kai puts his foot on top of
790 to hold him still)
KAI: We can reset him, but he is wired for
love. As soon as we turn him on again he will become hopelessly infatuated with
the first person he sees, and exhibit exactly the same obsessive and antisocial
790: I am hopelessly infatuated with Kai and I want to stay that
XEV: We could make him fall in love with you Stan
STAN: No thanks!
790: I vomit at the thought
could destroy him you know. You could do that with your brace, couldn't you
KAI: Yes (aims brace)
XEV: Sometimes we do really need
STAN: He deserves the scrap heap
XEV: I agree. But he's restrained in
place, so we're safe for now, hmm?
790: I am safe for now. But please put me
in the cryochamber so I can admire the dead one
STAN: Oh no, 790 - you have
to suffer at least a little, probably a lot for what you did
and Xev leave. Kai follows them)
790: Kai - bring me with you. My
programmes are crashing. My circuits are sizzling. I am suffering damage beyond
repair. Kai, please! Don't leave me!!
© Filking Fairy
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana