Lexx 4.10 Magic Baby
(written by Paul Donovan, Lex Gigeroff)
(The operating theatre of a mental hospital. Poor Stan is
strapped to a table, awaiting surgery. A strange looking man in surgical gown is
working on a scalpel)
MAN: They make these things too sharp these
days, So I have to make them duller before the surgery
MAN: Your surgery
STAN: But there's nothing wrong with
MAN: There may be nothing wrong with you, my good man, but I'm afraid you
can't say the same thing about me. I was sent here fifteen years ago - not as a
doctor, mind you, but as a patient - a very sick patient. Someone - and we still
don't know who - got my file mixed up, and I've been practising medicine here
ever since. And you know what?
STAN: No-one ever notices?
MAN: No-one ever
notices! So - what'll it be first? The lobotomy - or the castration?
Somebody help me!
MAN: Oh, this is a mental hospital. Make all the noise you
want - I do(starts singing)
STAN: Somebody help
(Just then, Kai and Xev walk into the operating theatre. Kai's
brace knocks the scalpel out of the man's hand)
STAN: Oh, thank you
KAI: You are welcome
STAN: Good timing
(Xev starts undoing the restraints)
can't be allowed to do this
STAN: Boy, am I ever glad to see you
(The man bends down, picks up the scalpel, and rushes at Kai. Kai
fires his brace through his heart, and blood spurts out. The man staggers
through the operating theatre doors, and two armed guards see him. They open
fire, so Kai kills them as well. Alarms start to sound)
(Stan pulls his uniform back on, and they leave the
STAN: We gotta get up to the Lexx right away. See, I was
doing it with Lyekka - well, not really but almost, and then the key went into
her, and that stupid boyfriend of hers stole the moth, and they're probably
stealing the Lexx right now. We gotta get up there, right away
they are walking along the street, a yellow car pulls up behind them. The
driver, Uther, is English, and wearing druid robes)
UTHER: The Dark
Man! The Red Fool! The Dead One! I knew it!
(He stops the
UTHER: My name is Uther, and my journey is complete
(He makes some sort of strange hand gesture, and gets
STAN: That's really nice for you, pal
UTHER: Well, not
entirely complete, but this is right magic, this is
STAN: Well that's really
good but listen, you wouldn't happen to know a way off this planet would you?
See, we gotta get up to the moon really soon
UTHER: (laughs) Um, I
would, yeah. Jump in
(They get into the back of the car and drive
off, just as the police arrive at the hospital. In the front of the car is a
cloaked man, who is constantly chanting. He is holding a long wooden staff,
which sticks up through the car's sun roof)
STAN: Hey pal - we're
still down here, the moon's up there, we're not getting any closer to
STAN: What's so funny?
Red Fool - you!
STAN: Listen, you said you knew a way to the moon and we're
not exactly getting any closer, so will you either "ha ha ha" get this thing
flying up there right now, or we find another way to get up there without
XEV: Stan, this is a car. It doesn't fly
STAN: I knew that (no, he
UTHER: It can't fly - but it can transport us to another vessel
capable of making the journey to the moon
STAN: Well good, finally some
progress getting off this planet!
UTHER: The deal is, that I bring you to a
vessel capable of transporting you to the moon, if you agree to accompany me to
the feast of Mograth
Canaveral. A bunch of tourists standing looking at a shuttle on the launch pad
are joined by the Lexx crew and the druids)
STAN: So this is it,
this is what we came for?
XEV: Why is it so big, just to get to a nearby
KAI: It is a chemical powered rocket which must eject a large mass of
burned fuel backward in order for it to accelerate forward
STAN: Oh yeah
yeah, of course, hmm
(Xev sees a woman whose hair is twisted into a
knot at the back - she tries to do the same thing with her own hair. Kai raises
KAI: Hold onto me
(They all hang on tight, and
he fires his brace up the side of the shuttle. They get inside the cockpit. Kai
starts flicking switches, everyone else puts their harnesses on - except Uther's
cloaked companion, who doesn't get a seat)
KAI: 790? 790, can you
VOICE: This is ground control. Please leave the shuttle immediately
and return to the gantry. Leave the shuttle right now and you will not be
STAN: Yeah, as if we believe that!
790: Oh why, oh
Kai, oh why? Why can I not always be at your grave side?
UTHER: Who's that
STAN: That's, er - oh, never mind
KAI: 790, we are in a space
shuttle in a place called Cape Canaveral, Florida. Can you locate me?
Easily and always - done
KAI: 790, instruct the computers that control this
shuttle to launch us immediately on a trajectory that takes us to the
790: With machine pure love I will immediately launch your deadness
straight in my direction
(Men from ground control tap on the
shuttle's windows. Xev blows them a kiss, and they fall off as the shuttle takes
STAN: Good head 790!
(Without gravity, Xev and Kai
have hair floating around their faces. Cloak is also floating around the
UTHER: Come on then
UTHER: I've now
completed my part of the bargain. Now you must complete your part
wait a minute pal - so far all we've done is take off from this stupid planet.
We don't even know if this, this - this tin can is gonna make it to the Lexx -
we don't even know if the Lexx is still there
KAI: 790, where are you now
790: I am on the Lexx, of course - which is on the dark side of the
Earth's moon, drifting away into space
STAN: So, er - what do you guys want
with us anyway? And why do you keep calling me the Red Fool?
UTHER: Only the
Red Fool would ask that. According to the ancient Druid code, when Mars and
Venus disappeared from the sky, the Dark Man - (to Kai) that'd be you,
guv - the Red Fool (laughs) bleeding obvious here - and the Dead One
- (to Xev) hello luv - would walk the Earth
STAN: I, am not a fool.
Xev is not dead. Kai is
UTHER: The Dead One is a beautiful woman, clutched in
the icy hands of death
XEV: What do you mean, clutched in the icy hands of
UTHER: It's a bit of a puzzler, in't it? So much of our learning has
been lost in the misty fog of time. We chosen few keep the faith only through
little tiny fragments of ancient Druidical wisdom that's passed down through the
ages. now you must accompany me to the feast of Mograth
XEV: What's the feast
UTHER: Well, it's a great big feast that happens once every 1500
years, in the true centre of England - the great forest of Glastonbury
A feast in a forest - oo, that sounds exciting (sarcastic)
The last one were fantastic - a real ripper
believe me, eh?
UTHER: This is not the first body I've lived in,
not a chance
STAN: Look, OK - what really goes on at this feast of
UTHER: The dead are raised to join the living, and we have a great
big old nosh up with our ancestors - it's a terrific time
STAN: OK, so - we
get back to the Lexx, then we can maybe talk about going to your feast of
Mograth, as long as there's no funny stuff going on there
UTHER: Crikey. No
funny stuff goes on at the feast of Mograth
STAN: Boy, this thing is
(The shuttle eventually reaches the Lexx, and is caught in the
tentacles of the docking cradle. Everyone gets up to leave the
STAN: Pretty impressive, huh?
UTHER: This spaceship
might be large and powerful, but it don't have nowhere near the magic of Old
XEV: Who's Old Holly?
UTHER: This, is Old Holly
name of the long wooden staff he's holding. Xev strokes it)
That, is just a piece of wood
UTHER: It's not just any piece of wood, mate.
It was carved long ago from a magic holly tree in the Glastonbury forest. Put
your big bug ship to shame, it would
STAN: Oh yeah, yeah, sure - can your
stick blow up a planet?
(They leave the shuttle, walk through the
passageway. Xev lets her hair down)
XEV: Have you always been a
druid - in this life, I mean?
UTHER: The Dead One asks a lot of
XEV: Well, that's because this Dead One, whatever that means, is
UTHER: In this life I've only been a druid for - oh, about 168 moons.
Before that I were Nigel Bunson from Bradford. I started out as a singer/drummer
or drummer/singer in a rock and roll band - The Waterlooey Five. You could call
it souped-up skiffle for the teddy boys, actually, but we definitely had a bit
of the old Mersey magic, especially on Oh Candy, How Could Ya? - great tune,
that were. Well, the Waterlooey Five broke up amid, you know, creative
differences, but for me it were like fate, because I moved on to the supergroup
- Mind Grind. You might have heard of our hit song, It's Magic Magic
STAN: No - we didn't get that one on the Cluster
bridge, 790 is lying on the floor. He switches himself on and gasps - has
picture of Kai on his eye screens)
UTHER: It all seems so
unimportant now that I've found what I was seeking - but then one night when I
were dancing around this ancient Druidic dolmen drinking some wine - well, quite
a bit of wine in fact - the bird I were with slipped a little acid under me
STAN: Acid? Oh, I bet that stung
UTHER: Oh, you don't know the
half. It was like all me past lives opened up like flowering petals before me.
The door to me past was swung wide open, and I knew, I truly knew, that I was
not just Nigel Bunson, the singing drummer from Bradford, but that I had always
been the knight and warrior Uther de Glastonbury
(Stan is clearly not
impressed by all this)
UTHER: After I got out of rehab, I quit the
band, sold me old drum kit and within a fortnight I were deciphering the runes
of the ancient Druidic code, and I've been on a journey ever since, the old
fool's journey, Uther's journey, seeking
(They walk onto the bridge -
upside down, from 790's point of view)
XEV: Seeking what?
(to Stan) You're blocking my view, rotten shoes
UTHER: The Dark Man,
the Red Fool, and the Dead One, you. Now I've found you
790 up off the floor)
790: Who are they? And what are they doing
STAN: They're - oh, just never mind
KAI: Tell us, 790 - did Lyekka
and a man named huff arrive on the Lexx?
790: If I stop and think about it -
and I don't really know why I should - I suppose I remember two stupid people
who showed up on the bridge a while ago
KAI: Did she have the key to the
790: I wasn't really paying much attention, but I suppose so, because
they did blow up a couple of planets
UTHER: There you go - Venus and Mars!
Just like it were foretold
KAI: Where are Lyekka and Huff now?
know, and don't care! They left the bridge and frankly I didn't think about them
anymore. I concentrated solely on my beloved corpse (sigh) Now come on
- lick me!
(Kai puts 790 back down on the floor. Stan gets up on the
pedestal, and tries to activate the template - of course, it doesn't
STAN: Lexx - this is Stan, your captain. Can you hear me? Can
you hear me, Lexx? This is your captain, whose orders you're supposed to obey,
and I'm ordering you to obey me right now
(The Lexx doesn't
STAN: Why why why did I let Lyekka get the key?!
Because you're a male, and you just couldn't resist her bringing you to the
height of ecstasy
STAN: The Lexx is still here, so where are Lyekka and Huff?
Oh wait a second - you don't think they would have gone into the cryochamber and
woken up -
(He gets down from the pedestal, looks at
STAN: 790, did you see Vlad on the bridge? That dead assassin
woman who wants to suck the protoblood out of Kai, your Kai?
no. That I would remember
STAN: Well I think we should check out the
cryochamber anyway. I wanna make sure that Vlad is frozen exactly where we left
(They all head for the cryochamber)
UTHER: Who's this
Vlad then, hey?
KAI: The source of your planet's Dracula and vampire legends,
but in fact a decarbonised dead assassin from a planetoid called the Cluster.
Vlad was designed to destroy other assassins in the Divine Order, like
UTHER: (to Cloak) Yeah - pretty much what I
(In the cryochamber, Stan looks at Vlad's cryopod - she's
still sleeping inside)
STAN:(laughs) Oh, I feel a lot
better now. Lyekka and Huff - they're not on the bridge, they're not here - so
where are they?
XEV: Well, the Lexx is a big ship, they could be
STAN: Yeah. Kai, can you find them for us?
KAI: I will search for
them if you request
STAN: Yeah, I request! Look, anyway, can we just get out
of here? I don't like being around her, not one little bit. This is just bad
news. Why don't we just get rid of her, fire her off into space or
KAI: It is better that she remain in cryostasis until we can
control the Lexx
(They leave the cryochamber - Cloak pauses, taps Old
Holly on the floor. Everyone goes into the galley. Stan squeezes the nozzle but
no food comes out, so Xev has a go, which works)
UTHER: Oo, you are
magic Xev, d'you know that? So now - what does a love slave do?
Everything. A love slave is specially skilled in the art of pleasing a
UTHER: You're lucky, you've got a good solid trade there, luv. I must say
right now I thank the great sprites of Salisbury, 'cause I'm feeling quite
pleased that I were born a bloke, in this life - thanks, great sprite
wouldn't bother myself too much about that, Uther Bury Bury whatever, because
Xev may be a love slave, but she doesn't exactly spend a whole lot of her time
XEV: It's not because I don't want to
STAN: Oh come on Xev,
I've given you plenty of chances to throw a little pleasure my way. I don't see
you exactly wearing your fingers out undoing my uniform
XEV: Well sorry Stan,
but that's just you
(Stan pulls a face and walks away. Xev goes over
XEV: See - love slaves do have special skills - but they
also have special needs
UTHER: Oo, it's not right
XEV: Oh no
excuse me - Lyekka, Huff? Can we -?
UTHER: I'm definitely getting a bit of
the old magic in me staff
XEV: Old Holly?
UTHER: It's as near as dammit,
XEV: Good strong wood excites me - but I'm tired. I think I will go and
lie down for a little rest (fake yawns)
(In the cryochamber, the
controls suddenly activate. Vlad's eyes glow red. Her cryopod opens, and she
(Stan, Kai and Cloak are on the bridge)
know that Lyekka stole the key, but we don't know where she is, just that she's
probably somewhere on the Lexx, which is really really big so it might take a
while to find her, right?
(Kai says nothing)
OK - we also know that this is a Type 13 planet in its last stages, and we wanna
be as far away from it as possible when it goes. So, what I'm thinking is that
rather than waiting for Lyekka to show up or for us to track her down, which
could take a long time, that we find a way to start flying the Lexx away from
here without her!
STAN: Well I don't know how! But the Lexx is a
machine, right? Well OK, it's not completely a machine, but it's partially a
machine, and 790 is a robot that was designed to operate complex machinery, so I
say we just make a new key. 790! You can make a new key, right?
would I want to?
KAI: Could you, 790?
790: No. It's completely impossible.
The Divine Order would never have allowed the key to its most powerful weapon to
be easily replicated
STAN: OK, well look, you've got a small piece of living
brain in that tin can, don't you? So why don't you interface with the Lexx, and
the part of his drive that lets us fly him, without the key - on the other side
of the key, if you know what I mean
(Kai sits down beside
KAI: 790 - can you find the section of the Lexx's mechanical
part that controls his main drive?
790: Of course
STAN: OK, well that's
it! We forget about the key and we fly the Lexx without it. So where do we
KAI: The control drive takes up much of the Lexx's tail, so, logically
we should begin looking there. You will help us (picks up 790)
I'd be happy to
STAN: You know 790, I admit sometimes you're useful, but one
of these days I am gonna melt you down, robot head
She's sitting on the bed with Uther)
UTHER: Do you know what a
UTHER: Well, a groupie is like a love slave really -
only different. She really really digs the men behind the music. And when a
groupie is alone with a rock star, she gives off a certain type of vibe, or
signal, which I am starting to receive right now from you, darling
what kind of signal is that?
UTHER: A signal to start getting your kit
(Xev laughs. They lie down)
(A moth is perched on a ledge
by a sort of nerve cluster somewhere inside the Lexx. Stan, Kai and Cloak watch
790, who is inside a small hole)
790: Each of these particle
accelerators is clearly given its control instructions through a single nerve
that leads directly to the Lexx's brain - if you can call it that
well then we'll just have to connect in after the nerve
790: There are
thousands of particle accelerators, and they must all act in conjunction to
drive the Lexx. I can only connect into one at a time
STAN: Well get on with
(790 connects. There's a whining sound, and a light starts
pulsing on the nerve)
(Parts of the Lexx's
'eyes' light up, and a small blast fires. It just misses the Earth, but burns up
STAN: Try another one
(790 tries again -
another blast, another satellite gone)
STAN: This isn't
790: I do not have the capacity to send the type of biomechanical
signals it understands. The key is a living thing that controls another living
STAN: Well, then we'll just have to keep searching until we find Lyekka
and Huff, and get the key back from her
(Kai takes 790 out of the
hole, disconnects him from the Lexx)
KAI: If they are still
STAN: What do you mean by that?
KAI: If Lyekka and Huff were somehow
- killed, Lexx would have had sufficient time to have absorbed their bodies.
There would no longer be any sign of them
STAN: Well, what or who could have
(Kai looks at Stan)
STAN: Well why didn't
you mention that before?
KAI: You did not ask the appropriate
(Kai gets into the moth)
STAN: Well, the next
time something important comes up and I don't ask the appropriate question, can
you please respond to the context?
(Stan gets into the
KAI: The dead do not respond to context
into the moth breeding chamber. She turns a moth breeder to face her -
MOTHB: Must build more moths. Must build more moths
and she bites)
MOTHB: Must obey your command
back in Xev's bedchamber - )
XEV: Tell me more about your magic
UTHER: Well, it's kinda long, in't it? And it's very stiff - you might
say it's a stiff staff
XEV: And what actually makes it so - stiff?
A certain song'd best explain it, I think
XEV: Why did I think this might be
(Uther gets up from the bed. Xev prepares herself
XEV: Sing me a song - a good song!
UTHER: Xev -
pulls off his robe. Underneath he's wearing black leather trousers and vest. In
the background can be heard the sounds of cheers from audiences long
UTHER: Oh hottest groupie, lizard queen - are you ready to
XEV: I think so!
UTHER: Are you ready to roll?
XEV: I'm ready for
UTHER: Are you truly ready, little Xev, for a blast from the
XEV: A blast from your past!
UTHER: A classic rock and roll anthem -
ladies and gentlemen, guys and gals, lovers and sweethearts (smiles at Xev)
and rockers throughout the ages - I give you the number one super hit of
yesteryear. The one, the only, the high priests of power chords, the Mind Grind!
and It's Magic Magic Baby!
(Uther starts singing - and
dancing - to the tune of Closed Behind Our Mighty Shields, from 2.18
UTHER: Can you feel, really feel, the feeling deep
What's it all about, when it slides in and out
It's magic magic
I don't know but I've been told, I've been told a lot
feeling you get, when you're slippery and wet
It's magic magic baby
sleight of hand and flick of wrist, you can feel it too
With one little
squeeze, it's guaranteed to please
It's magic magic baby
really rather enjoying this - until Vlad appears behind Uther, and grabs
UTHER: Hey! Give up luv, I'm too old for a three
(Xev scrambles off the bed. Vlad bites Uther's neck, then lets
him fall to the floor)
XEV: How did you get out?
looks at her, moves closer - Xev backs away)
VLAD: Where is
(Xev moves behind one of the Lexx's columns, but Vlad follows
XEV: You set the cryopod to open on its own, right?
Where is Kai?
XEV: Gone, back to Earth
VLAD: I do not believe you. And as
your blood is (sniffs) different from humans', and I cannot enslave you
(Xev looks for a way out - there isn't one)
will kill you
(Vlad fires her impaler into Xev's stomach. Xev gasps,
looks down. Blood trickles from her mouth)
(The moth flies along a passageway)
STAN: Lexx is
endless, they could be anywhere
KAI: Or nowhere. Land here
(Kai says nothing. Stan lands the moth, and they get out - it's
the moth breeding chamber)
STAN: I'm getting all worried about Xev,
and you wanna stop here and play tourist. We already got a moth, why do we need
(Kai looks around)
KAI: These moths are dead
(He sticks his finger in a hole on one of the
KAI: They have all been killed by a long sharp
STAN: Like Vlad's impaler? Oh, I don't like this Kai, I don't like
this one little bit. Where are all the moth breeders?
KAI: I do not know,
STAN: We should go find Xev
(They get back into the moth,
fly to the bridge, then head down the passage, leaving 790 in the
STAN: You keep a watch ahead, he can guard the rear, and I'll
keep an eye out for anything that comes at us from the side
790: Coward! Be
(Xev's bedchamber. Xev is lying on her back on the bed,
in a pool of blood. Kai sits on the edge of the bed, checks her neck for a
pulse, closes her eyes)
KAI: She is dead
(He can't believe it)
KAI: However, she was only
recently killed, as her flesh is still warm
STAN: No, no, not Xev (he
sits beside her) I don't believe it, I don't believe it, I don't believe
KAI: Xev has been killed, certainly by Vlad (he stands up)
Stanley - take the moth, and fly to the Earth, but destroy the space shuttles
before you go. If Vlad has killed the moth, destroy one of the shuttles, and try
to make it to the Earth with the other, but Vlad must not be allowed to make it
back to the planet
STAN: Well what about you?
KAI: This is my fight,
Stanley. I will confront Vlad
STAN: But she's stronger than you. I mean, she
was designed to defeat assassins like you, and she has protoblood
KAI: Then I
will likely be defeated. Go now Stanley, before it is too late
STAN: No. No,
first we freeze Xev
KAI: She is dead
STAN: Well yeah, I know that, but
she's - flesh is still warm, and if we freeze her, we, then we can use the
protein regenerator to fix her later
KAI: The protein regenerator is not
STAN: Well, we'll fix it. If we freeze her, then we'll have all
the time we need. 790 can do that
KAI: It repairs damaged flesh. To bring the
dead back to life is a more complicated thing, which it cannot do
are going to freeze her before I leave
KAI: This is not the right choice for
STAN: Maybe not, but it's the right choice for
(The cryochamber. Kai places Xev's body in a cryopod. Stan
operates the controls, and it closes. Stan walks to the cryopod, looks at
STAN: It takes time for the cells in your body to die, right? I
mean, technically she may be dead, but most of her body's still alive, isn't
(Kai says nothing. Stan puts his hand on the
STAN: Don't worry, Xev. I'll be back. I'll get back and we'll
fix you up - somehow
(Stan leaves the cryochamber. Kai
(The Lexx flies low over the moon, past a lunar
(Vlad appears by the moth, picks up 790)
790: Gone. Far away. He said he didn't like the Lexx and he wasn't
coming back here ever again. I think he shot himself into the sun - you should
go after him and do the same
(Vlad drops 790 over the edge of the
790: I love you Kai!
(Kai, Stan and Cloak walk
quickly along a passageway)
KAI: I will accompany you as far as I
can to the shuttle. Do not be a hero. There is nothing you can do to assist
STAN: Don't worry, I've never been very good at being a
(They walk onto the bridge - and Kai fires up at Vlad, who
KAI: Run, Stanley
on the bridge, moves behind the control pedestal. Kai tries to cover Stan and
KAI: Leave now - fast!
STAN: Come on, we've gotta
(Cloak holds the staff, chanting rapidly, and aims it at Vlad -
she fires her impaler through him. He groans, and falls. Kai rolls across the
bridge, fires his brace at Vlad, but she deflects it easily)
Stanley! The staff has the power. Stanley, the staff has the
(He drops the staff on the deck, then rolls off the edge. Stan
gets into the moth, tries the controls)
STAN: Come on, come on
(And then Uther appears beside the moth)
STAN: This moth
UTHER: That's right
STAN: Vlad did it. She killed Xev too. She's
still out there. We gotta get away. Your buddy's dead too
at Uther - and sees the bite marks on his neck)
(Vlad and Kai are
watching each other)
VLAD: You're a Divine Assassin - I am a
destroyer of assassins. I will destroy you
(Stan tries to bluff his
STAN: I'll be right back, I forgot your
(Uther grabs him)
STAN: Kai! Help me!
(Kai tries to head for the moth platform, but Vlad blocks him,
fires her impaler. He rolls again, hides behind the pedestal)
Why do you care about him? Why do you care about anyone, assassin?
KAI: I do
not care about him
VLAD: You behave as if you do
KAI: You behave as if you
cared about me
VLAD: I do care about you. I care about your
(Kai readies his brace, and fires - she flicks it away.
He rolls again, fires - no use)
(Uther has got Stan out of the moth, and
has his arm around Stan's neck)
STAN: She's controlling you Uther,
but you're still yourself. You can be yourself if you want to, just try. I did
it, you can do it. You were a great warrior, remember?
UTHER: Die, Stanley,
(Kai rolls again, onto the edge of the bridge. Uther is choking
UTHER: Feel the magic magic baby!
(Kai fires - so
does Vlad. Kai's brace kills Uther, and Vlad's impaler lodges in Kai's
STAN: Thank you, Kai
(Vlad draws Kai to her on a
cord then amuses herself flinging him around the bridge)
(By the moth,
Stan hears 790)
790: Stanley! Stanley Tweedle!
looks over the edge)
790: Tweedle! Stanley!
still bouncing Kai around. He falls into the well, looking
(Stan climbs down the bridge support to get 790)
turns Kai over onto his back - his hair falls across his face)
Get up Kai. Use up all your strength. And then I will suck the - protoblood, out
of you. And you will be - destroyed
(Stan makes it down onto the
ledge. He sits beside 790, gets his breath back)
790: Stan! Kai's in
trouble, terrible trouble - you have to do something!
790: I don't know - something! Anything! You have to get her away from
STAN: OK, well think robot head, think - what can I do?
don't know. I don't know, I'm out of ideas!
STAN: Well, so am
(He gets up)
790: Where are you going?
STAN: To the
shuttle. I'm gonna blow up one, and leave in the other, if I can
790: But how
will that help Kai?!
STAN: It won't, but it's what he asked me to do
Take me with you
790: I don't care about you, and you don't
care about me. But I can't do anything for Kai here, and if we stick together we
might be able to find a way
(He picks up
790: We're pals, aren't we Stan?
starts climbing back up to the bridge)
VLAD: Mine, mine. You are
(Her snake thing emerges from her chest)
(Stan and 790
are now inside the shuttle)
STAN: OK, so how do I disable
790: Without fuel, this tin can cannot go anywhere, so all you have to do
is release its remaining chemical fuel
STAN: OK, well how do I do
790: Press that button labelled fuel release
STAN: OK, well which
one is it?
790: The red one. Third on the left above your right
(Stan hits the button, and laughs)
(He picks him up. The fuel gushes out of the shuttle. They go
into the other shuttle, and Stan locks the hatch behind them, sits in the pilot
STAN: OK 790 - how do I fly this thing?
790: Press the big
button, and as soon as the green light comes on, push the small lever forward,
then start driving
(Stan follows the instructions, and
the shuttle lifts off with a jerk)
STAN: 790, you're a
(And then a moth breeder gets up out of the seat behind him - and
then another one. The shuttle flies erratically as they take control. One moth
breeder holds his hand over Stan's eyes, while the other
STAN: What are you doing? You're moth breeders, you only
MOTHB: Must obey Vlad. Must obey Vlad
(They turn the
shuttle back to the Lexx)
(Vlad is sitting on the bridge, with Kai's head
on her lap. Her snake sways and hisses. Kai does not look
VLAD: It all comes to she who waits
KAI: I am
VLAD: Yes. Last of the Brunnen G, you are defeated. It had to be so.
I was built to find you and destroy you. It was just a matter of time - a long
time, but still only time
KAI: What will you do now?
VLAD: You know the
answer to that. I'm a destroyer. And once I have your power as well as my own, I
will destroy all that is before me
KAI: You will have destroyed me. Is that
VLAD: No. You are my greatest victory, but my appetite can never
be satisfied. And now I will suck your protoblood, and your time will come to an
(The moth breeders walk onto the bridge, pulling Stan with
STAN: Bye Kai
KAI: Goodbye Stanley
VLAD: Time for a
heart to heart
(Her snake bites into Kai's chest. The moth breeders
shake. Vlad has gone rigid. The moth breeders let go of Stan, who sees Old
CLOAK: The staff has the power
grabs the staff, and plunges it into Vlad's side. The snake pulls back from Kai.
Light flickers across Vlad's face, and she looks at Stan)
are next -
(Stan twists the staff in deeper)
I finish my meal
(Stan pushes again - more light)
worship His Shadow
(She glows, her face like a bat's - then she
disappears in a puff of smoke. Kai falls to the floor. The staff
STAN: Old Holly
KAI: Protoblood, Stanley. Bring me
(Later. The moth breeders, back to normal, walk across
the bridge. Stan and Kai are sitting on the deck - Kai is topping up his
790: You are a real pal, Stanley
STAN: Thanks 790
(he gets up) Never thought I'd hear those words from you
worry - the relationship will not last
(Kai disconnects his tube from
the protoblood jar)
STAN: OK, now look - now that we've saved Kai,
we should all pull together, try to save Xev
KAI: Xev cannot be saved. Xev is
STAN: Will you please try to be a bit more positive about
KAI: The dead are rarely positive about things
cryochamber. Stan switches off the protein regenerator, gently takes the
connections off Xev. The hole made by Vlad's impaler is gone. but Xev is still
790: OK, let's give up and eject her into space - in a
dignified way, of course
(Stan looks at Xev)
STAN: We are
not giving up
790: We have repaired her damaged flesh and she's still dead,
so that's it. We're done. Job over. Trash the bitch
STAN: We're not trashing
her, we're gonna bring her back to life
STAN: I don't know. All
I know is I want her back, alive
KAI: What you want is beyond the realm of
STAN: Well - then let's try the impossible
KAI: Which is -
STAN: I don't know! I don't have any bright ideas right now, OK? She's my
friend, and I want her back, and that's all
KAI: I understand, Stanley
(the dead understand?!)
(Stan puts his hand on Xev's
STAN: She looks so peaceful
790: Can't we just eject
her into space?
(Stan looks at 790, but can't say anything. He looks
back at Xev, so sad)
STAN: Goodbye Xev
(He starts to cry,
(The Lexx flies through space. The cryopod closes on
© Filking Fairy
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana