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Lexx 4.08 Vlad
(written by Tom de Ville with Paul Donovan and Lex Gigeroff)

(A moth flies back to the Lexx. It lands on the platform, and Stan, Xev and Kai walk onto the bridge. 790 wheels over to them)

790: Out of my way! Out of my way! My circuits are shorting - Kai, let me circuit your shorts
STAN: 790 - (picks him up) boy, I didn't miss you (kisses him)
790: It's touching me with its lips!
STAN: Guess who got lucky when we went down to the little blue planet?(smiles)
790: If you didn't fall off a cliff and break every bone in your body, it wasn't me, so I don't care!

(Xev puts her arm around Stan's shoulders)

XEV: Stan met some nice Earth girls. They seemed to like him quite a bit
STAN: Jealous, little robo-buddy, hmm? (smiles)
790: Tweedle, as soon as I get teeth I will bite you - and I know some dead flesh I will nibble on as well
XEV: We've just come from a place called Transylvania, where people bite each other - a lot
790: Did anyone bite my sweet sweet stud of necromance?
KAI: No. My protoblood is running down. I must refresh it now, or return to my cryopod

(Kai leaves, Xev follows)

790: I love it when he plays hard to get
STAN: You know, 790 -

(Suddenly Stan is distracted - by the sound of a wolf, howling)

(Back in Transylvania, the three Goth girls are dancing around a fire near the castle, chanting)

GOTHS: Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! Stanley Tweedle, feel the urge! Feel the urge with us - be with us - join with us - you are our slave! Feel the urge with us

(On the bridge, Stan is not looking quite right)

STAN: I'm - I'm feeling - an urge

(He drops 790, and slowly walks away)

(In the cryochamber, Xev watches as Kai tops up his protoblood)

XEV: Kai, I want to freeze you
KAI: Why?
XEV: You should be in cryostasis for a while, to save your protoblood

(Xev opens the cryopod)

KAI: For what?
XEV: For when we really need you. I mean, we always need you, you know we like to have you around, but someday we could need you even more, and then you might have used up all your protoblood (she pauses) Do you think Stan is all right?
XEV: He's been acting different ever since we left Transylvania. Did you find what you were looking for there?
KAI: No - but what I was trying to find there, may now be looking for me
XEV: If it was another Divine Assassin from the Cluster, could it - hurt you?
KAI: It could hurt us all. You are safe here on the Lexx, but I recommend that you awaken me before returning to the planet

(Kai gets into his cryopod. Xev steps up, kisses him on the cheek)

XEV: Sweet dreams, Kai
KAI: You know the dead do not dream
XEV: Maybe this time you will

(She steps down, shuts the cryopod, pats it)

(In Transylvania, wolves howl as the Goths dance, spinning anticlockwise, lowering their arms to the fire. Then Muffy switches off the music)

MUFFY: It's not working
DAVINIA: Yes it is
MUFFY: No it isn't!

(Davinia walks around the fire, looking into it)

DAVINIA: I think it is
MUFFY: But you're not sure?
DAVINIA: Maybe - he's too far away
MANDRA: Maybe he's pure of heart

(She looks at Muffy)

MUFFY: No. He needs to be closer to us - a lot closer

(She takes a deep breath, stretches up her arms, and chants)

MUFFY: In thunder, lightning and in rain!
MANDRA: In mountain valleys and on the plains!
DAVINIA: In snow and fog, and on the train!

(Muffy and Mandragora let their arms drop, and glare at Davinia)

BOTH: The train?!
DAVINIA: Well - you said plane -
MANDRA: Not that kind of plane - idiot!
MUFFY: Start again

(She turns the music back on, and they start dancing, removing their outer garments. As they raise their hands above the fire, blue energy spirals up, leaving the Earth, heading for the Lexx. It drifts along the passageways, past sleeping Xev (now in her light blue outfit), past Kai's cryopod, and into Stan's bedchamber, where he's asleep in his mothbed)

GOTHS: Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! Stanley Tweedle, feel the urge! Feel the urge with us - be with us - join with us - you are our slave! Feel the urge with us. Stanley! Stanley! Stanley! Stanley Tweedle, feel the urge! Feel the urge with us - be with us - join with us - you are our slave!

(Stan opens his eyes, sits up - and sees a glimpse of Muffy)

STAN: Hello?

(He gets up, pulls on his uniform, and goes out into the passageway)

STAN: Hello? Anybody there?

(Mandragora looks around a column, laughs - but he can't see her)

STAN: No! Nobody there. Go back to bed

(Muffy is behind him)


(Stan turns - but she's gone. Mandragora is back behind the column again. Stan looks around)

(On Earth, the Goths lower their arms - and their appearance changes. Mandragora becomes Xev - and then a dark version of Xev, black hair, black clothes. Muffy becomes Kai, who just looks wrong. Davinia gets 790's head, but keeps her long blonde hair)

(In the passageway, Stan sees 790)

STAN: 790

(But 790 ignores him, wheels off out of sight)

STAN: 790?

(And then 790 appears, back at the other end of the passageway)

STAN: How'd you get there? What's going on?

(He walks over to 790, kneels down - 790's eyes are spirals, and he speaks with Davinia's voice)

D/790: In lightning, thunder, on the train

(790 wheels away. On Earth, the girls are looking at Davinia)

MUFFY: We've already done that bit, and there's no flippin' train, is there?!
DAVINIA: It's all I could think of
MANDRA: My turn

(Stan walks onto the bridge, looking around)

STAN: 790? Where are ya? Come on, quit fooling around

(And then Mandragora/Xev steps out from behind the pedestal)

M/XEV: Follow the urge, Stanley Tweedle

(Stan looses his footing, lands on the floor, gasps)

D/790: What's the matter? Don't you remember us?

(Mandragora/Xev steps over Stan, puts her hand under his chin, raises him to his feet)

M/XEV: Feel me inside you, Stanley

(She holds him, wiggles her tongue)

STAN: Mandragora?

(And then Muffy/Kai saunters onto the bridge, undoing his plait)

M/KAI: You can't forget us, Stanley. Your ours - forever
STAN: Muffy? Kai?
D/790: We are reaching out to you
M/XEV: You are our - love slave

(She stands beside Muffy/Kai)

M/KAI: You're so far away from us now (kisses Xev's cheek) We have to rebuild the relationship
STAN: What are you talking about, how do you do that?
M/KAI: Like this

(Muffy/Kai grabs Stan and kisses him full on the lips. Disgusted, Stan, breaks free and heads for the moth platform. Laughing, Muffy/Kai and Mandragora/Xev follow him. Stan gets into the moth)

STAN: This is definitely too weird
M/KAI: Where are you going Stan?
M/XEV: We need you, Stanley
STAN: I feel an urge!
M/KAI: To what?
STAN: To take a ride in this moth, to er, to clear my head. And when I come back I want to see you all acting the way you normally do, starting now!
M/KAI: That's good, Stanley. We'll be waiting for you
STAN: You are definitely mixed up people

(Mandragora/Xev closes the door, and they wave as the moth takes off, flies past the moon)

STAN: Yeah, that's it, that's it, just fly around for a while. This way, that way, yeah. Then everything will be nice and normal, Xev and Kai, they'll be nice and normal when I get back, yeah

(Then his right hand steers the moth toward the Earth)

STAN: No no no! I definitely don't wanna go down there!

(He grabs the control with his left hand, steers away from the Earth - but as soon as he relaxes, it happens again)

STAN: Come on Tweedle, get a grip on yourself!

(He looks quite shocked when his hand slaps his face)

STAN: Oh no - not down there! No, no, not there, no!

(But the moth heads for Earth. It lands in a clearing near the castle. Stan walks through some trees to the ruins, and sees the Goths standing around the fire. Muffy walks over to him, puts her hand on his shoulder)

MUFFY: You will help us revive our lady

(She licks his face)

STAN: I'm not your slave, you know
MUFFY: Yes you are
STAN: No I'm not
MUFFY: Stanley - bark like a dog
STAN: Woof
MUFFY: (smiles) Good boy

(The moth flies back to the Lexx. Stan leads the Goths into the galley)

DAVINIA: This is so cool, you could just film like the skankiest video
STAN: Uh huh - well, this is where we eat
MUFFY: Stan, we're not here to eat
STAN: Yeah yeah yeah, of course
MUFFY: We're not hungry in that way
STAN: Yeah, well Big Stan knows that -
MANDRA: Big Stan?
STAN: Yeah, yeah, but Little Stan - has another idea
DAVINIA: What's that?
STAN: Well, Little Stan would like to end the tour of this great big ship, and start taking a tour of your lovely white bodies

(Muffy grabs Stan's crotch)

MUFFY: Is this Little Stan?
STAN: (squeaks) Yes!
MUFFY: The protoblood, Stanley - now!

(Stan nods)

(Meanwhile, Xev is in her bed, asleep, but restless)

(Stan leads the Goths to the cryochamber. Mandragora and Davinia lick Kai's cryopod)

MUFFY: Put your tongues back in, girls

(She puts her hands around Kai's protoblood jar)

MUFFY: Is this the protoblood, Stanley?
STAN: Yes - I mean, no! Yes - no - yes -
MUFFY: Who do you serve?
STAN: You!

(Muffy squeezes a drop of protoblood from the tube onto her finger, sucks it)

MUFFY: Stanley Tweedle's been a naughty boy
STAN: Huh?
MUFFY: Say "Stanley Tweedle's been a naughty boy"
STAN: Stanley Tweedle's been a naughty boy
MUFFY: Stanley Tweedle's hankering for a spankering
STAN: Oh, Stanley Tweedle's hankering for a spankering
MUFFY: A hard one
STAN: Oh yeah, a hard one! (laughs)
MUFFY: Here it comes (smiles)
STAN: Oh yeah!

(Muffy claps her elbows around Stan's ears. He falls to the ground, and she takes the protoblood jar)

(On the bridge, 790 switches on as he hears evil laughter)

790: Somebody's messing with my man Kai!

(790 makes an alarm sound)

MUFFY: Time to fly, ladies

(They go to leave - but Davinia's lips are frozen to the cryopod)

DAVINIA: (muffled) I can't move!

(Mandragora tears her free, making her lips bleed)

MANDRA: Now you can

(790 rolls into Xev's bedchamber)

790: Xev, Xev!

(She gets up, follows)

XEV: 790, wait!

(The Goths are making their escape, but seem a bit confused about which passageway to take)

(Xev arrives in the cryochamber, and sees Stan on the floor)

XEV: Stan?

(Stan just moans. Xev opens Kai's cryopod)

KAI: My protoblood has been taken
790: My darling Kai's love juice!
KAI: 790 - is whoever took it still onboard?
790: That man rat Tweedle is at the bottom of this, I know it!

(The Goths climb into the moth. Xev and Kai make it onto the bridge just in time to see them take off. Muffy waves goodbye)

XEV: It was the three girls we met from Dracul's castle
KAI: They are the servants of my hunter. They will give my hunter life

(Later - Stan is sitting on the control pedestal, with his T-shirt off and his uniform down around his waist. Kai is connecting him to the protein regenerator. Xev slaps his face)

STAN: Ah! OK, OK, I'm awake, I'm awake!
XEV: Sorry
STAN: I was having the weirdest dreams

(Kai leans over Stan, takes hold of his chin)

STAN: You're not gonna try to kiss me again, are ya?

(Kai holds up a tube from the protein regenerator)

STAN: Oh, is that really necessary?
KAI: Yes

(He puts it in Stan's mouth)

KAI: 790 - configure the protein regenerator to determine how the girls are controlling Stanley

(790 starts up the protein regenerator)

XEV: You find anything unusual?
790: Yes. So far I've discovered 32 different types of parasite and viral infection - no wonder he smells!
KAI: I am looking for something more specific - a neuro-chemical messenger that would open Stanley to suggestion and control by others
790: You mean something like this, my love?

(790 displays a hologram of the substance he's found)

KAI: Yes. That is it. Parablood
790: A small quantity of it is - ugh! - dissolved in a female human's saliva
KAI: They give their master's gift, with a kiss

(Stan spits out the tube)

STAN: Well, they were cute girls, how was I supposed to resist?
790: I was not feeling sorry for you, Tweedle, I was feeling sorry for them
XEV: Kai, what is parablood?
KAI: I must go

(He leaves - Xev follows)

790: He's so magnificent when he's moody, don't you think?
STAN: Hey - what - ?

(Kai and Xev are walking along a passageway)

KAI: Stay here Xev. It is not safe to come with me
XEV: Don't argue. I'm coming with you and that's it. You think that because Stan and I are just ordinary human beings that we can never help you, right? But you're wrong. I'm half Cluster lizard, remember? And there's no way I'm gonna stay up here in space knowing that you are in trouble on that planet, OK?
KAI: I thought I recognised a figure from the images that Dr Longbore showed me. The presence of parablood in Stanley confirms what I had suspected. You must keep as far away as you can from Vlad
XEV: Who is Vlad?
KAI: I cannot feel fear, but when my memories tell me why that hunter was blooded, I know what fear is
XEV: Vlad is a Divine Assassin like you, right?
KAI: His Shadow developed a special breed of killer designed to hunt down and destroy those assassins who failed to serve his purposes. They were called Divine Executioners. Like me, Divine Executioners need protoblood to function, but their bodies are also imbued with a special bio-venom called parablood. When injected into its human victim, it turns them into the Executioner's slaves, and like a virus it replicates itself in the host's body, to perpetuate its evil

(While Kai is speaking, we see a flashback to some huge chamber, presumably on the Cluster. Zoom in on a machine, in the centre of which is a human head on a jar - similar to Mantrid. The head seems to be strangely pointed, but most of it is covered in bandages - one eye is uncovered, but closed. Electricity crackles across the machine, and the eye opens)

KAI: You are strong in many ways, Xev, but you are not strong enough to fight a Divine Executioner. The Earth is likely doomed. You must never go back there
XEV: But I don't understand, why do you have to fight Vlad at all? Leave here with us

(Kai gets into a moth)

KAI: Given the chance, she will quickly set fire to the house of man. If a Divine Assassin is death incarnate, then a Divine Executioner is the apocalypse made flesh

(Xev gets into the moth beside him)

(Transylvania. In the castle, the Goths walk to the cryopod. Muffy opens it. Vlad is old, with white hair pulled up into a pointy beehive, and a black leather outfit)

VLAD: The blood is the life
MUFFY: We have all the blood you need, our lady
VLAD: Bring it here, child

(Mandragora is carrying the protoblood jar. Vlad is too weak to take it, so Mandragora holds the tube into her mouth)

VLAD: Good! (gulps some more protoblood) Good!

(Light flickers across her face. She tosses her head from side to side, screams, a fleeting glimpse of fangs - and then she's young again. Beautiful, blonde hair, glowing red eyes, which then become grey. She takes the protoblood jar and sucks thirstily, then steps out of the cryopod, protoblood trickling from her lips)

VLAD: Is this all of his protoblood?
VLAD: Where is he?
MANDRA: We left him on the Lexx
VLAD: He will come for me

(Muffy takes a step forward)

MUFFY: Our lady, we have served you well. Your gift runs weak in our veins. You promised that when you had risen you would bite us again
VLAD: Yes. You have served me well - (strokes Muffy's face) - but no. I will not keep that promise. However - I have a new gift for you

(And now she has fangs. She licks them, drooling. The other Goths rush forward)

MANDRA: Me first
DAVINIA: No, me first!
MUFFY: Me first
VLAD: How about all of you - together?
VLAD: Cool. I worship His Divine Shadow

(Vlad smiles, and holds up her right hand. Out flicks a blade - her impaler. The Goths scream)

(Kai and Xev are approaching the castle in their moth)

XEV: This is exactly where we were before, and there was no Vlad
KAI: We saw no Vlad

(They fly over the castle roof)

KAI: There - the moth
XEV: And the Cluster symbol

(Kai opens his door)

KAI: The old priest I met in the village, Father Borscht, claimed to have found Vlad's tomb when he was a young man. I suggest you search his things for any information that could be useful in the fight against her. Farewell, Xev
XEV: Kai, stop -
KAI: I must enter the fight

(He jumps out of the moth. The Cluster symbol on the roof opens, and he falls through it. At the bottom, he lands on his feet, and hears something flitting around)

KAI: Vlad?

(He walks warily to the cryopod - empty, of course. He looks around the crypt - he can hear Vlad, but cannot see her, because she moves so quickly)

VLAD: I knew you would come to me - mmm. I could taste it
KAI: Show yourself
VLAD: Soon

(She moves behind a pillar, behind Kai)

VLAD: Let us play, before we dine - before I dine. You think you can destroy me? You think you can hunt the hunter?
KAI: I know what you will do to every soul on this planet, once you have new protoblood
VLAD: I have new protoblood - and you only suspect what I will do to the people of this planet?

(Kai walks towards the sound of her voice)

VLAD: What I will, in fact, do, is merrily infect the local villagers with parablood, and then I will instruct them to scatter -

(She moves as he gets closer, hides behind another pillar)

VLAD: - throughout this world and each infect a hundred others, who will in turn infect a hundred more. And once every mother, father, -

(Kai moves behind the pillar - but Vlad has already moved to another)

VLAD: - son and daughter is my slave, I will order the human race that pollutes this sphere to visit upon themselves a suicidal horror beyond their darkest dreams

(Kai runs forward with his brace ready - she's gone, to a pillar behind him)

VLAD: And destroying the last of the Brunnen G will be the glorious headstone to the tomb of my satisfaction
KAI: You can never be satisfied
VLAD: True
KAI: How did you know to find me here?
VLAD: The Time Prophet told me you would come to this planet - before I killed her
KAI: How did you cross over from the Light Universe to this one?
VLAD: I located a bruise in the time/space fabric that separates the Light Universe form this dark one

(Kai backs up against a pillar, raises his hand - she is on the other side)

KAI: My killing you will not just be an act of vengeance - it will be an act of necessity
VLAD: You're sounding very motivated for a Divine Assassin
KAI: As I am dead I do not feel emotions, but having recovered my memories, I understand the difference between good and evil, and I know that I must destroy you. Call that motivation, if you will

(He moves around the pillar - she's gone. The she appears at the end of the passage. Kai fires his brace through her forehead, but the hole seals itself up)

VLAD: But you cannot destroy me. I was built to destroy you, and you were built to be destroyed by me. That is, what is - said the cat, to the mouse

(She fires her impaler, which hovers in front of Kai's face. A blade flicks out on either side)

(The village. Xev lands her moth by the tavern, and goes inside)

XEV: Vlad has risen. You must all get away from here, as fast as you can and as far as you can. Right now - tonight!

(But the villagers ignore her. She behind the bar to Van Helsing, who is busy cleaning tankards)

XEV: Listen, those three girls bit Stanley Tweedle on the neck, and they got control of him by injecting parablood into his system. And they took Kai's protoblood and brought it down to Vlad, who wants to kill him and everyone else on this planet - and she now can do it
VANH: That's, um, really - really interesting - in a mentally deranged sort of way
XEV: No no no, it's really happening
VANH: No no - the only thing that's really happening is your complete disconnection from reality, to a degree which exceeds even what I'm used to - and I'm used to a lot
XEV: See, if you stay here, she'll destroy you, all of you!
VANH: She? So the big evil is a she this time - that's unusual
XEV: I need your help
VANH: I am Joseph Van Helsing, last of the Van Helsing line. My family - who were almost as nutty as you - fought vampires and the like their whole lives. I do not - I'm a bar tender, I serve drinks. I think you need one - a stiff one

(He hands her a drink)

XEV: Kai told me to see if -(drinks) - to see if Father Borscht left anything behind that might help us
VANH: No-one's touched his room since he - disappeared
XEV: Since he was killed
VANH: I've written Father Borscht off as good as dead, after many a late night myself, but so far he's always managed to surprise us and rise from the dead in the morning - a little the worse for wear, mind you
XEV: I'm serious, I need to see his things

(The Lexx. On the pedestal, Stan activates the template)

STAN: Lexx?
LEXX: Yes, Stan?
STAN: Lexx, er, Xev and Kai have gone down to that planet, Earth, and I am very worried that there is something very evil on that planet, and it may get loose, and it may head up this way - now, you don't want that to happen, do you?
LEXX: I do not want anything to happen, that you do not want to happen. You are my captain, Stan
STAN: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So Lexx, I am commanding you, to keep a very careful eye on that planet, well, all of your eyes on that planet, and I am ordering you to blow that planet up without hesitation if you see anything evil heading this way, do you understand?
LEXX: I will do as you command, Stanley. You are my special, one and only captain
STAN: Good
790: Stanley?
STAN: What?
790: I just want to point out to you that since the time you were the arch traitor Stanley Tweedle, the most reviled man in the whole Light Universe, that you've really gone downhill - way downhill!

(Stan sighs)

(Van Helsing opens the door to Father Borscht's room at the tavern, and follows Xev inside)

VANH: This room contains the full accessory kit of a very - paranoid and deranged mind. You should feel at home here

(Xev looks around, picks up some rosary beads, sits down on the bed)

VANH: I'm assuming that the particular sort of madness that both Father Borscht and many members of my family suffered from skips the odd generation. That's why I don't have any children - but that doesn't mean I'm above a little - (he sits down beside her) - play in the hay. Even if you do have a few alien bats in your belfry

(Xev points at a page stuck on the wall)

XEV: What does that say?
VANH: You can't read?
XEV: No. (looks at him) You know, in the wife bank on B3K, we were only taught what was necessary to perform our wifely duties(smiles)

(Back in the castle, Vlad is slowly walking toward Kai)

VLAD: I can see it in your eyes, Brunnen G
KAI: See what?
VLAD: Defeat

(Kai fires his brace into her arm, and she pulls on the cord, flinging him against a wall behind her)

(In Father Borscht's room, Van Helsing is looking at a scroll, while Xev flicks through an old book)

XEV: Look at this
VANH: I thought you said they didn't teach you to read in the - wife bank
XEV: Yeah, but - I recognise this picture. It's the symbol of the Divine Order. It ruled the Cluster and the 20, 000 Planets
VANH: OK (takes the book, looks) It's Borscht's diary. Here - it says here "Before he died, he grabbed me by the collar and whispered into my ear - 'The beast cannot dim the light of a pure heart' So, there you go - nothing to worry about. As long as you have a pure heart, which I'm sure you all do
XEV: Kai doesn't have a heart at all - just a pump for his protoblood
VANH: I don't know if I can go through with this

(Back in the castle, Kai pulls on the cord, dragging Vlad face to face with him)

VLAD: I hunger for your blood

(Kai turns his face away. She licks him, and he looks at her)

VLAD: The moment I first felt protoblood churning through my body, I knew it was all I desired. The way it spills, and pools, and tastes - !
KAI: You are a hunter of assassins. You will always seek protoblood, and you can never be - sated
VLAD: Can you imagine the pain? Of a thirst unquenched for thousands of years?
KAI: It is a pain, you deserve

(She holds him up above her - and then Kai fires his brace, pulling himself up back through the Cluster symbol onto the roof. He detaches his brace from a metal spike, then hears Vlad. She is floating high above him, red lined cloak spread out like wings. She glides down, and licks her impaler. Lightning flashes. Vlad sticks out her tongue, which hangs down - waaay too long)

VLAD: I will swallow every drop of your juice

(She fires at Kai, who ducks, then grabs the metal spike and uses it to slash her belly open. The wound heals itself instantly)

VLAD: That's it, little mouse - play the game a little harder

(Lighting crackles, and hits Kai, who plunges the spike into Vlad, then jumps back)

VLAD: Shocked again

(She pulls the spike out, throws it away - then fires into Kai's chest, and pulls him to her)

VLAD: The blood is the life - and yours, is over

(She pushes Kai down onto his knees. A circle opens on her chest, and out comes a - well, let's call it a snake thing)

(Van Helsing follows Xev out of the room, back into the bar)

VANH: Xev - maybe on the other hand, a good shag might help sort out some of the mixed up files in your cabinet
XEV: What's a shag?
VANH: A shag - sex
XEV: I like sex - a lot! But we have to help Kai
VANH: Do what?
XEV: Destroy Vlad
VANH: Xev, there is no Vlad
XEV: Yes there is

(Xev walks out of the tavern. He follows)

VANH: Xev - you must forgive me. I know I may be a bit direct in my approach, but it's not every day that a woman like you -

(He sees the moth)

VANH: Goodness, what's that?
XEV: A moth
VANH: It's rather large for a moth
XEV: Coming?
VANH: Where?
XEV: To get the other moth, the one the three girls took, to make sure that Vlad doesn't get it

(Xev gets into the moth)

(On top of the castle, Vlad's snake thing plunges into Kai's chest, and starts sucking. He gasps)

VLAD: Calm, now (she strokes his face) Soon you will be empty, just as the dead should be. Free of thoughts, and names
KAI: My name -
VLAD: Shhh
KAI: My name is Kai, last of the Brunnen G. I killed His Divine Shadow and destroyed the insect enemy of mankind
VLAD: (shocked) His Divine Shadow is dead?
KAI: Yes. Your master is gone. There is no longer any purpose in your plan to destroy the human race
VLAD: Yes. There is no longer any purpose to it (smiles) But there is still pleasure in it

(Suddenly, lightning hits them, and they are both knocked from the roof. Kai pushes Vlad away, and falls to the ground. Vlad spreads her cloak to fly down - then sees Xev's moth approaching. She flies back down through the Cluster symbol, walks behind the cryopod, and takes the protoblood jar)

(Hovering near the castle, Xev looks out of the window. Van Helsing is beside her)

XEV: There
VANH: Huh?
XEV: Take that moth while I look for Kai
VANH: I've never flown anything in my life
XEV: Oh, it's easy. The moth is alive and will fly itself. All you gotta do is use this thingy to make it go where you want
VANH: Shouldn't I just wait here for you?
XEV: You can wait for me, or you can fly away wherever you'd like to go. The moth is yours to keep, as long as you take it away from here - now

(She steers the moth down, lands it beside the other one. She drops Van Helsing off, then flies away. Van Helsing clambers into the moth, grabs the controls, and takes off)

(Xev lands in a clearing near Kai. She gets out, finds him lying on his back)

XEV: Kai
KAI: I am very weak. She almost drained me of my protoblood
XEV: I'll take you back to the Lexx
KAI: She is likely near. Go, Xev

(He tries to get up, but is too weak)

XEV: Kai. Kai!

(Van Helsing's moth flies overhead. He is humming happily - then something swoops past the window, and suddenly Vlad is sitting in the seat next to him, smiling)

VANH: How did you get here?
VLAD: I have wings. I can fly (smiles)
VANH: You wouldn't happen to be - Vlad?
VLAD: I am Vlad

(He screams as he falls from the moth)

(Xev has managed to get Kai into the moth)

KAI: Where is the other moth?
XEV: I gave it to Van Helsing so that Vlad couldn't get it

(Xev pulls a piece of twig from Kai's hair. The moth takes off)

XEV: Stan, talk to me Stan. Are you yourself, Stan?
STAN: Yeah yeah yeah, I'm myself. I'm fine, how are you?
XEV: I'm fine, but Kai is in trouble. I'm bringing him back to the Lexx now. As soon as we get back to the Lexx we have to destroy the planet, because that's the only way to destroy Vlad
STAN: OK, good. Now I'm glad you called, because I told the Lexx to destroy anything that approached - you know, in case it wasn't you, so er - I'll tell the Lexx not to do that now
XEV: We'll be there soon, Stan
STAN: Lexx, whatever you do, don't destroy any approaching moths, OK?
LEXX: OK, Stan

(Later - Stan is walking on bridge)

LEXX: Should I blow the planet up now, captain Stanley?
STAN: No Lexx, no no no - not yet. But soon, soon - very very soon

(Stan hears a sound, looks around - nothing there)

STAN: Is that you Xev?
STAN: Who is it then?

(He turns - and Vlad is right in front of him. She grabs his neck, and bites - he cries out. When she releases him, he staggers back - and then comes under her control. 790 wheels over to Vlad)

790: You look evil. Are you any threat to my beloved dead man in black?
VLAD: Yes. I have come here to destroy him

(790 screams, and tries to ram her, but she kicks him off his trolley. Then she puts her hands around Stan's face, licks him, then lets go and looks into his eyes)

VLAD: You will not tire for me
STAN: Could you bite me again, please?
VLAD: (smiles) No

(Xev lands on the moth platform, and drags Kai onto the bridge, his arm around her shoulder. Stan is waiting for them)

XEV: Stan quick, we have to freeze Kai right away. Help me get him to the cryochamber. You didn't see anyone else coming up from the planet, did you? Stan?

(But Stan says nothing. Xev looks at him)

XEV: Stan?

(Xev hears a sound - it's Vlad, swooping down from the ceiling. Vlad pulls Kai away from her)

VLAD: Your time is up, last of the Brunnen G

(Xev punches Vlad in the face. Kai falls to the ground)

VLAD: You are a strong one. You will make a most excellent slave
KAI: Run

(Xev looks at Kai, then at Vlad - then runs)

VLAD: I live for the hunt

(Xev runs down a passageway - and Vlad is ahead of her. Xev tries another route)

(On the bridge, Kai tries to get through to Stan)

KAI: Stan, listen to me. Vlad will have my protoblood. Find it, and bring it to me

(Kai tries to get up, then crawl. Stan looks blank)

KAI: Bring me to the cryochamber. Vlad wants you to bring me - to the cryochamber

(Stan steps on Kai's back)

STAN: No, she does not
KAI: I give myself to her. I can do nothing if I am frozen

(Stan thinks about this, then takes his foot off Kai. He gets hold of Kai's arm, and starts to drag him away)

(Xev runs into the galley, but Vlad is already there. Xev runs down a passage then hears Vlad behind her. She turns, but there is no-one there. Vlad appears behind her, grabs her neck. Out come the fangs. Xev cries out, then looks blank when Vlad lets go of her)

VLAD: You are mine - forever
XEV: I am yours - forever

(Stan drags Kai into the cryochamber, then squats down beside him, stroking his forehead)

STAN: Your time is almost up, Kai. Our lady is coming for you
KAI: Fight it, Stan. You have a will of your own
STAN: No, I do not
KAI: Yes you do. Try to resist
STAN: Yes. I do have a will of my own

(Stan looks up, as Vlad and Xev enter the cryochamber)

STAN: My will is to serve my master
VLAD: There is no light in this dark universe, Kai. Only - me

(She raises her hand. Stan smiles, and drags Kai up onto his feet. Vlad slowly walks closer)

VLAD: I find this moment extremely satisfying
KAI: You will not have me Vlad
VLAD: I will have you - now. Tell me you love me
STAN: I love you
VLAD: Tell me, you love me

(The snake emerges from her chest. Stan lets go of Kai, who clutches the side of the cryopod for support. Vlad strokes his face)

VLAD: Mine, mine, mine!

(The snake bites into Kai's chest, and he looks up at Vlad. Xev looks at Kai - then hisses, and rolls across the cryochamber, knocking Vlad into the cryopod, and holding her there)

XEV: Stan!

(Stan tries to operate the cryopod control with his left hand - his right hand grabs it, then he knocks the control with his elbow. Xev rolls clear as the cryopod closes)

XEV: I'm not your slave, I don't have the same type of blood as a human being, and you cannot control me! (hisses)

(Stan's right hand creeps over to the cryopod control. Xev notices, and grabs his hand, looks at him)

XEV: Father Borscht said the beast cannot dim the light of a pure heart. You have a pure heart, Stan

(Stan looks at Vlad, whose eyes are glowing red)

STAN: No, I don't

(He turns back to the control)

XEV: Yes you do!

(She punches Stan to the ground)

XEV: Sorry!

(Vlad falls into cryosleep. Xev goes to Kai)

KAI: We must cleanse Stanley of Vlad's parablood
XEV: You could at least say thank you
KAI: Thank you
XEV: You're welcome

(Kai slumps against Xev. She gets the protoblood jar from Vlad's moth)

(Later, on the bridge. Kai is sitting on the floor, topping up his protoblood. Stan is wired up to the protein regenerator as before - but this time his hands are tied to the pedestal's armrests. Xev starts up the machine, sits on the deck)

XEV: All right Stan - now we're going to clean your blood

(Stan struggles, trying to get his hands free)

790: I say we kill the security guard. It's the only way to be one hundred percent certain he'll never double cross us again
XEV: Forget it. We're not going to kill Stan, he's pure of heart, aren't you Stan?

(Stan snarls at Xev, which startles her)

STAN: Vlad is my master! Vlad is my master. Vlad is my master. Vlad, Vlad, Vl -

(He closes his eyes, shakes head)

STAN: Whoa, that's a scary thought! Oh hey, I feel better. I feel, I feel much much better (laughs)
XEV: Is his blood clean now?
790: No, it's a foul effluent - but it's free of the parablood

(Xev gets up and unties Stan, disconnects wires. Kai switches off the protein regenerator. Xev hugs Stan, then he puts his T-shirt back on)

XEV: Well - you're not perfect Stanley H Tweedle, but I always knew you had a good heart

(She kisses his cheek, and he smiles)

790: He's definitely not good - far, far from it

© Filking Fairy

© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana

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