Lexx 3.11 Girltown
(written by Lex Gigeroff)
(Fire. Xev is walking in the desert. Stan and Kai are looking
for her in a moth)
(On the Lexx, 790 wheels around the bridge, singing to
790: 79 kisses from Kai on the head
79 kisses from
One more kiss from the man who is dead -
That's 80 cold kisses from
Kai on the head!
80 cold kisses from Kai on the head
80 cold kisses from
One more kiss from the man who is dead -
That's 81 kisses from Kai on
(The moth flies over the sand)
(Elsewhere, Xev is at
the top of a dune. She starts down it, stumbles, carries on)
You know, these really are two strange planets
(Kai looks at
STAN: I mean, you know, we recognise people that we know lived
thousands of years ago, like Bunny, and Fifi, and others. I mean - they died!
And we see them here, and they're alive, like we're alive
KAI: Perhaps they
just look the same
STAN: Exactly the same? With exactly the same
personalities? Hey - you think we're in some kind of afterlife?
KAI: What do
you mean, Stanley?
STAN: I mean, a place you go when you die. I mean, how do
we know that we're not dead? I mean, OK, you've been dead for, what, 6000 years,
but how do we know I'm not dead?
KAI: You are alive, Stanley - from my
(Xev arrives at the foot of Girltown - a huge
square city perched on two legs, with two metal spheres below. She looks
(High above, balloons circle the city. In a room inside, some
rather camp men are chained to rows of sewing machines. These are the "girls" of
Girltown. One girl - Doily - looks back at another - Pearl - who blows him a
kiss. Doily gets out a dress and hands it to the girl behind him to pass to
Pearl. Then a guard appears - female, butch, and leather-clad. She pulls on a
chain, which in turn pulls the hands of all the girls up in the air. The dress
falls to the ground, and the guard points at it)
(Guard1 unchains Pearl. Another guard, just
like the first, holds up the dress)
GUARD2: Oh - pretty
(She drops it, grabs Pearl)
PEARL: It's not
(The guards drag Pearl across the room. Doily
reaches out to him)
GUARD1: Stop crying!
PEARL: Doily! I didn't
do anything, please don't, no!
(The guards open a hatch in the wall.
They hold Pearl over it, looking at the desert below)
PEARL: Wait -
(He points down - at the moth)
GUARD2: Sharp eyes
PEARL: You're welcome
(He starts to back away,
thinking he's escaped - but the guards grab him)
(They throw him out of the hatch. He falls, and
bounces off one of the spheres, leaving a bloody stain. The guards turn to look
at the other girls, slap their truncheons against their
GUARD1: Back to work, girls
GUARD2: And remember - we make
hot air balloons here, not fancy dresses
(The moth has flown on past
STAN: Seeing that you're dead, and you weren't here -
well, I mean, you know, until we arrived here - how could this be an
KAI: Perhaps the part of me that is alive is here,
STAN: What, you mean now?
KAI: Yes, now
STAN: OK, well, I
hope you get to meet him - or it
(Xev clambers up onto a ledge, and
cautiously walks inside the tower)
STAN: You think we're ever gonna
find her? I don't know how anybody could survive down there
suddenly steers the moth sharply to one side)
STAN: What'd you do
(There are footprints in the sand. The moth
lands near them. Stan and Kai get out)
STAN: Those are definitely
her footprints, am I right?
KAI: Yes, they appear to be hers. Are you coming,
KAI: Up there
STAN: Well look, you're much better
at that than me, so, er, why don't you go up first and check it out. I'll stay
down here, watch the moth, and I'll keep an eye out for Xev in case she spots us
KAI: It's hotter down here than it is up there
STAN: That's OK,
I don't mind, really. If it gets so I can't stand it down here I'll just take
the moth and fly around for a little while
(Kai fires his brace up at
the tower, and pulls himself up. Then something in the distance catches Stan's
eye - a body? He walks over for a closer look)
(Meanwhile, Xev is walking
up a long flight of stairs)
(Stan reaches the body - a hand is sticking
up out of the sand. He's too busy poking at it to notice the balloon behind
STAN: You OK, buddy? (touches the hand) Guess
(Someone grabs him from behind)
VOICE: Welcome to
(In a room in Girltown, someone increases a flame beneath a
huge bathtub, which looks like something out of Aliens. A woman is having a
bath, but all that's visible above the water is her head. She has a huge black
metal crown/frilled collar on her head. This is Queen, and she looks
QUEEN: That's just warm enough
(Curtains at one
end of the room are pulled back - to reveal Stan. He is in a corner, trapped
behind a metal grill. His uniform is pulled down to his waist. Queen wiggles her
tongue at him. He recognises her instantly)
STAN: Giggerota. You're
QUEEN: Who's Giggerota?
STAN: You. You're Giggerota, were Giggerota.
I don't know anymore
QUEEN: We are Queen. Queen of Girltown. Are you - a
STAN: Me? No no no no no. No
QUEEN: You look like a girl
no, definitely not a girl. You're confused. I'm definitely not a girl
Hmm. Let's have a closer look
(A guard pulls Stan's uniform down
around his ankles)
QUEEN: Creamy, dreamy
(Stan pulls his uniform back up)
QUEEN: Your soft sweetness belongs to - ?
STAN: Me? Stanley H
Tweedle, captain of the Lexx
QUEEN: Captain of the who?
STAN: The Lexx.
The big bug? Flies around in the sky? See, I came here with Kai - the dead guy
in black? We're looking for Xev. A woman dressed in a Cluster lizard outfit. And
you know, I really should get back to looking for her, if you don't
QUEEN: So, you're not from either Fire or Water?
STAN: No. No no no.
Like I said, we're from the Lexx - see, we were - well, the Lexx came from the
Light Universe and we were all there until it got destroyed, and then we came
here to the Dark Zone, the other universe
QUEEN: (laughs) That's so
good! Queen was hoping to hear that
QUEEN: Because all the
bodies here are gone before bodies. This doesn't help Queen
moves through the water)
QUEEN: You're a first timer, aren't you
Stanley captain? Say it, to Queen
STAN: Say what? I mean, I'm not a first
timer, I'm experienced
QUEEN: (shouts) Say it to Queen, that you
haven't died before!
STAN: What are you talking about? Of course I haven't
died before. I'm Stanley H Tweedle, I'm a hundred percent alive
(laughs, sings) Pinky and rosy, Stanley captain, captain Stanley, pinky and
rosy! (laughs) Queen is so happy!
STAN: (scared) She's
QUEEN: Drumsticks, drumsticks, drumsticks, drumsticks!
licks her lips)
STAN: Definitely mad
(Suddenly a woman
emerges from under the water. She has a pair of pliers? - and a squeaky
SQUEAK: Council time, your majesty
QUEEN: Boring, boring,
(She looks at Stan)
QUEEN: Don't you go
(She blows him a kiss)
(Xev walks along a corridor -
and up more steps)
(Kai has reached the top of the metal
(In the council chamber, a load of tough looking women in
leather overalls mutter amongst themselves. The woman with the squeaky voice
arrives, gets into a curtained booth, and straps some mechanical device onto her
arm. The butch women sit down on benches. In Queen's bath, some sort of
microphone/camera pops up. Her face appears on a lens above the
SQUEAK: Yes, your majesty
(She winks at Stan)
SQUEAK: Can I have a motion to
adopt the agenda?
SQUEAK: Right. The
first item on the agenda is -
WRENCH: Point of order, your majesty
You have the floor, Wrench
(A butch woman steps up to a
WRENCH: I would like to amend the agenda to talk about
SOCKET: Point of order, your majesty
Wrench's point is a point of personal privilege, not a point of order
WRENCH: Your majesty, I withdraw my point of order - but we still
have to discuss the girl
SQUEAK: The point of order is withdrawn
Point of personal privilege
HAMMER: Your majesty - this
person may look like a girl, but they do not dress, nor do they behave, like a
girl. And since it is quite obvious that they are not a boy, this person must
therefore be a non-she
(All the council members gasp. Stan can hear
all this in the bathroom)
WRENCH: Point of personal privilege, your
WRENCH: Every boy of us in this room is aware of
how dangerous the non-shes are. How do we know that this non-she who suddenly
just appeared in the desert didn't come here to Girltown - to destroy
QUEEN: (bored) The point, the point, the point, the
WRENCH: How do we know, your majesty, that this non-she is not
HAMMER: Point of personal privilege, your majesty!
HAMMER: Your majesty, how do we know that Duke is not behind the
sudden appearance of the non-she? How do we know that this is not yet another of
Duke's plots to infringe upon the autonomy of every boy in Girltown?
Stanley captain - you said you knew Queen. You called Queen Giggerota, and
wondered why Queen was alive
WRENCH: The non-she has lived before - and who
but Prince can live and die and come back looking like someone else?
Duke can, your majesty
WRENCH: Duke can come back after death - but only as
HAMMER: True - but like Prince, Duke is also a non-she, and is even
more capable of sending spies to sabotage us
SQUEAK: Is there a motion on the
WRENCH: I would like to make a motion
Whereas the non-she Prince has the ability to change into other forms, and
whereas a non-she appears out of nowhere who claims to have known our Queen in a
past life, be it resolved that this non-she is in fact Prince, and therefore
must receive the highest punishment possible - death!
HAMMER: I would like to amend the motion, your majesty
the mover agreeable?
WRENCH: What is the proposed
(Wrench lets Hammer take the stand)
That unlike boys, who work together in a spirit of harmonious co-operation -
(She glares at Wrench)
HAMMER: - all non-shes are
constantly fighting in a spirit of violent combative aggressiveness, and whereas
Duke is continually trying to usurp and undermine Prince, be it further resolved
that the non-she is in fact an agent of Duke, and therefore should receive the
highest punishment possible - death!
ALL: Hear hear!
WRENCH: Point of
WRENCH: That is not an amendment your majesty, it is
a second motion. We should vote on the earlier motion first, before considering
SQUEAK: Are you proposing to amend the amendment?
I'm proposing plain and simple that this non-she must die because the non-she is
HAMMER: Your majesty, my amendment clearly states
that the non-she must die, but not because the non-she is Prince, but because
the non-she is Duke!
WRENCH: That is not an amendment
SOCKET: Point of
personal privilege, your majesty
SOCKET: I would like to
make an amendment to the amendment
SQUEAK: I really think we should deal with
the first amendment first -
SOCKET: Whereas boys and non-shes have
fundamentally separate agendas, and whereas this is a non-she, be it further
resolved that this non-she must be following a non-boy agenda, and therefore
should receive the highest punishment possible - death!
SOCKET: So moved
amendment is on the floor
HAMMER: Point of order
I would like to withdraw my amendment, your majesty. Socket's amendment is
agreeable to the amender
WRENCH: Point of order
would also like to withdraw my motion as well, your majesty
QUEEN: Do we have
SQUEAK: We have an amendment to a withdrawn motion on the floor,
QUEEN: Well, can we vote on it?
SQUEAK: No, your majesty -
unless, the second amender is agreeable to make the amendment take the form of a
motion. Then we could have a new motion on the floor
QUEEN: In that case, call the question!
All those in favour that the non-she has been following a non-boy agenda, and
therefore should receive the highest possible punishment - death - signify by
SQUEAK: The motion is carried
Queen has no intention of interfering with your sentence, but would like to
introduce a further motion - Queen simply has to have his body!
SQUEAK: All those in favour of her majesty's motion
SQUEAK: The motion is carried
(In the bathroom, Queen's
microphone sinks back down out of sight. She smiles at Stan)
790 is still wheeling around the bridge, singing)
790: 789 kisses
from Kai on the head
So many kisses from Kai
One more kiss from the man
who is dead -
That's 790 kisses for robot head 790!
I can't go on! I
can't, I can't, I can't! (sobs) I can't!
(Girltown. Kai is
now walking across the top of the spheres)
(The bathroom. A small cage
drops down from the ceiling)
STAN: What's that
(Guards attach two blades to the cage)
they doing? Look - I said I didn't do anything
(The guards test the
blades - they snap together at the base of the cage. Stan is brought out from
STAN: Look, look guys, listen can we just talk this
over, OK? I mean - let's have another meeting, OK?
(The cage is
fastened around Stan's head. Queen floats forwards, whistles at
QUEEN: The things Queen is going to do with that body. You just
give Queen the shivers
STAN: Yeah, well, I'm glad, you know, because -
because Queen gives captain Stanley the shivers too. So, er - why doesn't Queen
just let captain Stanley out of this thing and we can talk things over, hmm?
together, in a way that pleasures us both, huh? If Queen knows what captain
QUEEN: All Queen wants is your body - from the nape of your
neck right down to your tippy tippy toes
(Stan looks sick)
the council chamber, the debating continues)
WRENCH: All I'm saying
is that the term non-she may be derogatory to those boys who do not wish a
negative prefix attached to their sex. It's a fundamental and typical violation
of their autonomy
SOCKET: Yes, but non-shes in the context of this motion
refers to those who are not boys. The negative prefix is attached to the
non-shes, not the boy at all
WRENCH: That's not the point. Non is negative
and is attached, therefore it attaches negativity to the word she, to which it
SOCKET: Granted. But do you agree to the earlier
WRENCH: Oh, throw that in my face!
HAMMER: Point of
HAMMER: Can we please table this discussion and
return to the amendment on the original motion?
SQUEAK: If the mover and
WRENCH: I most emphatically do not agree! I
for one will not sit idly back while we entrench this negative attachment to our
collective identity into the minutes
SOCKET: Then what do you propose we
substitute for the term non-she?
They all stand up, shouting)
SOCKET: She used the
(Meanwhile, back in the bathroom - )
you can have me, OK? Look, I'm willing to play whatever game you want. I mean,
like I said, I'm experienced, I've done all kinds of things, kinky things even,
kinky, in the tub, you know, just - name your game, I'll make you
QUEEN: Oh, Queen can never be happy
STAN: Oh, why?
life is difficult for Queen. Prince rules this planet. Duke wants to rule it.
And will Queen ever get a chance? No, no. Because Queen is stuck here in this
cesspool. And all we do on Girltown is make balloons
STAN: Well I'm sure that
can't be any fun for you
QUEEN: And have council meetings, and more meetings,
balloons, and more meetings, and amendments, and points of order and more
meetings and points of order and balloons, and -
(She starts twirling
around in the tub, singing to herself)
QUEEN: Round and round and
round and round, up and down and touch the ground. Round and round and up and
down, up and down and touch the ground
STAN: So, who do you make these
QUEEN: Balloons. Everyone else. They, they make the balloons to
attack the planet Water, and then each other. And Queen just stagnates. Do you
STAN: No. No, not completely
QUEEN: (sad) There's no
body for Queen. Now do you understand?
STAN: I don't know I wanna
QUEEN: Queen is desperate. Queen doesn't have much time
Well then leave, who's stopping you?
desperately wants your body, captain drumstick
STAN: Hey, just call me
QUEEN: Drumsticks, drumsticks, drumsticks, drumsticks. Whatever Queen
wants, Queen gets. And captain Stanley - her majesty wants you. This is what you
have to give me. That's how it works
(Xev is walking up yet more
steps. Kai fires his brace up to the hatch Pearl was thrown out of. He climbs
into the sewing room. All the girls look at him)
DOILY: Hello there.
Who are you?
KAI: I am Kai, last of the Brunnen G
DOILY: I'm Doily. Where
do you come from?
KAI: From up there
DOILY: From Water?
KAI: No. I come
from the Lexx. The big bug in the sky, which some believe to be a
(The Lexx. 790 wheels through a misty
790: I wish that I were not alive, I wish that I were
Maybe then the man in black would take the head to bed
of the girls is keeping watch. He waves to the others)
KAI: I am
looking for a friend. Her name is Xev
DOILY: Is she from here?
Xev is a beautiful love slave. She is dressed in the skin of a
(Doily looks at Kai)
DOILY: Are you for
KAI: I am - for real
DOILY: None of us know Xev
KAI: Well then, I
will let you get back to your sewing
DOILY: No, wait Kai, please. You've got
to help us. We're held here in this awful place against our will, forced into
the worst kind of slavery. See, they keep us girls down here in the heat, while
those inhuman beasts who live upstairs beat us, torture us, humiliate us, insult
us, sometimes even worse - poor Pearl
(Kai looks at the chains they
DOILY: And all because we are the way we are - but we've
done nothing wrong
KAI: Who does this to you?
(The guards come
DOILY: Them! Help us Kai, please!
(The girls' hands
are pulled up in the air again. Kai stands in front of a guard)
I am looking for a woman named Xev. She is not from here. Have you seen
GUARD: Just what do you think you are?
KAI: I am dead
GUARD: That's right, sweetie
hits his face with a truncheon - and his brace grabs her
KAI: I suggest, that you reconsider your position
(Kai's brace cuts the chains on their
KAI: Now might be a good moment to take advantage of the
element of surprise
DOILY: Let's get 'em, girls!
(The girls grab
the guards, and throw them out of the hatch - like Pearl, they leave bloodsatins
on the spheres. They start pulling pretty frocks out of hiding places and
putting them on. Kai gets a feather boa around his neck)
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
GIRL1: We love you!
GIRL2: We knew some
day a real man would come along and free us
DOILY: And today's the
KAI: I am not a real man. I am - a dead man
him. Kai takes the boa off)
(Xev is still walking. She is now up by the
(In the bathroom, Queen's mood has changed from sad to
QUEEN: Captain drumsticks! The proper way to address your
queen is to say "Your majesty, I am your loyal subject, and will gladly give you
everything that I can"
STAN: Your majesty I am your loyal subject and I will
happily give you anything I can, now look, Queen, or Giggerota, or whoever you
are, why don't you just get out of that tub and - let me out of here
Be careful what you wish for, or you will get what you want. Have you ever had a
STAN: Girlfriends? Yeah, yeah, I've had lots
QUEEN: Did you
ever share your body with these girlfriends?
STAN: Well, yeah
(laughs) Queen wants you to share your body with her
STAN: What do you
want to do with my body?
QUEEN: Queen wants to put her head onto it
Where do you wanna put your head on my body?
QUEEN: Queen wants to put her
head onto the part that sticks out
(She licks her lips. Stan thinks
things are looking up. Queen laughs)
(The council chamber - very little
progress has been made)
HAMMER: I don't care, I'm
WRENCH: If you leave we lose quorum. Don't do this to us, Hammer.
We've still got a lot left on the agenda
HAMMER: You said the M-word. Take
your hand off me!
SOCKET: She's right Hammer. You can't leave
SOCKET: Unless we make a motion to adjourn
WRENCH: I would like to speak to the motion and make an amendment to
it as well
SQUEAK: You can't debate a motion to adjourn
WRENCH: Point of
personal privilege! I move we vote the motion to adjourn in special
(In the sewing room, a party is underway. Girls are dancing
to Freedom is Come. Kai looks on - clearly, the dead do not go to gay
DOILY: The boys up there hate us. They've always hated us,
keeping us down here in the filth and the heat - well, it's just not
KAI: It does not seem fair
DOILY: But there's nothing that we can do,
we just have to suffer because we are different
KAI: You do not have to
suffer anymore. You are free. You can go
KAI: Wherever you
(Doily leads Kai away from the noise)
there's nowhere else to go. We're not like the others here on Fire. We don't
want to kill people and take over their cities, we're not that type
just came from a place called Garden. Garden is a beautiful garden, and it is
empty now. You could live there
DOILY: What is a garden?
KAI: A place of
beautiful flowers, with food that is good to eat growing all around
The water planet. Did you hear that, girls? A place of our own. Garden - a place
of beautiful flowers, and plants that are good to eat grow all around - but how
would we get there?
KAI: Didn't you say, that you make balloons
DOILY: But how would we find it, this garden, full of beautiful flowers
KAI: I will show you, after I find Xev. I believe she is
somewhere in this town
DOILY: We will help you find her
bathroom, Queen is singing again)
QUEEN: Pinky and rosy, captain
Stanley, Stanley captain, pinky and rosy (laughs) Pinky and rosy,
Stanley captain! Queen is boiling over. I can hardly wait!
laughs. Her bath water bubbles)
(Kai is walking along a passage, with
Doily and two other girls following him. Kai now has feathers in his
DOILY: So have you seen that all the cities here on Fire
follow a certain pattern?
(Kai tries to evade Girl3 by heading behind
a pillar, but it doesn't work)
DOILY: They are each populated by one
type or other of horrible vicious evil people
KAI: I have observed
DOILY: So explain us! How do we fit in? Are we horrible and vicious?
It's just some kind of awful mistake, Kai
GIRL3: We don't belong here, it's
DOILY: What have we done wrong? We don't belong on this
(Kai walks off down another passage)
belong on Water
DOILY: But the boys - they really do belong here!
(The girls head after Kai)
HAMMER: Call the question
SQUEAK: Is that on the motion
to go in special session, or the motion to adjourn?
WRENCH: I believe my
motion is on the floor - read the bye-laws
HAMMER: Call the
SQUEAK: All those in favour of the motion to -
doors of the council chamber open. Kai and the girls enter. Doily strokes
Hammer's face, then licks his finger. The councillors back away, and their
guards step forward)
KAI: We are looking for a woman named
SQUEAK: Non-she... you are -
KAI: By non-she, do you mean - a
(In the bathroom, Stan is pulling at the
cage, to no avail)
QUEEN: Queen is going to get to know every inch
of you. Queen is going to feel so good. Queen wants your body. Queen will take
your body, now!
(Queen laughs, and her head rises out of the water.
She has no body - just a head on some sort of metal arm)
me, somebody! Help me Kai!
(Kai and the girls hear him, and rush to
the rescue. Kai fires his brace, cutting the chain on the cage)
Stanley may not be ready to part with it yet
(Stan drops to the
ground, just as the blades snap shut above him)
STAN: Oh, thank you
(Queen hisses. Doily goes to the bathtub, and turns up the
DOILY: This is for Pearl
(The water boils. Queen
sinks into it, screaming. Doily grabs a guard)
DOILY: We're leaving
this place forever. We're going to a garden on the planet Water, without you.
And we're never coming back
(Girl4 tries to kiss Stan. He turns and
sees Xev, who's finally made it up to the top. She just smiles, and leaves him
to fend off the girl)
(The moth flies toward the Lexx, followed by
balloons full of girls)
790: Yes, black man of death,
separated from his blue robot head?
KAI: We are returning to the Lexx
Joy, joy, and joy times joy! My man is coming home!
(Stan looks out
of the moth at the balloons)
STAN: Yeah. I think they deserve
STAN: Well, to be on Garden City, on Water, instead of
Girltown. Yeah, I think they'll be happy there
(In one of the
DOILY: I think he looks just so gorgeous in
(The Lexx.The balloons are visible on the view
790: There's a little snack for you, Lexx
(The girls scream, as the balloons are sucked into the Lexx's
mouth - as is the moth)
STAN: Lexx! Lexx! Lexx!
flips over. Stan and Kai fall out)
leaves Stan, and flies to Xev's outstretched hand. She tries to get the moth
back under control)
STAN: Kai! You gotta save me!
KAI: I'm sorry
Stanley, but I cannot
STAN: What do you mean, you can't?!
KAI: I do not
(Stan and Kai plummet down to Water)
© Filking Fairy
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana