Lexx 3.09 Garden
(written by Paul Donovan, Lex Gigeroff)
(Fire. A moth flies over the desert. Stan and Kai are looking
for Xev, who is currently perched on some metal scaffolding sticking out, from
Hogtown. She is singing Yo A O)
STAN: You think she's still alive? I
mean, that she actually could have survived?
STAN: Who? Xev! The
real Xev, not the Prince Xev, I mean, the Xev that was Prince in Xev's
KAI: She may be alive. She may not. We do not know for certain either
(The moth flies around Hogtown, and passes below Xev. She stops
singing when she hears the moth chirrup, and looks down)
(She tries to move, calls out weakly)
XEV: I'm up
here. I'm up here
KAI: There are no footprints in the sand
if there are no footprints, that means she must still be in the city,
STAN: Well if there are no footprints she has to be
KAI: They have balloons on this planet - and we do not know if Xev is
STAN: (smiles) Oh yes we do
(He points up.
The moth flies up to Xev, hovers beside her. Stan opens the
XEV: Hi guys. Took you long enough
STAN: You want some
(He throws her a very organic looking water
bottle. She drinks, and he smiles)
(Back on the Lexx. Xev is showering,
while Stan is ranting)
STAN: I'm tired, Xev. I'm tired of being
stuck here, and I'm tired of being captain of this ship and I'm just - look, I
just wanna find some place with a little bit of peace and quiet. Now is that, is
that too much to ask?
(He looks at her, and she motions for him to
STAN: I mean, we've been looking for a new
home all this time, right? And are we any closer to finding it? And suppose we
do break out of this orbit, what then? I mean, where are we gonna go, what are
we gonna do, hmm? Are we gonna find someplace better? (laughs) Or are
we just gonna get eaten by something terrible?
XEV: What are you saying,
STAN: What I'm saying, Xev, is that the Light Universe is gone, and
now we're in the Dark Zone, the universe of evil and chaos and depravity. And
maybe, the water planet is as good as it gets here
(They walk onto
the bridge. Stan is still going on)
STAN: Look, if there is a city
down there that's OK, then we won't have to run anymore!
XEV: Yeah, till that
place gets attacked by balloons from Fire
STAN: Well, Kai'll protect us. You
will, won't you Kai?
KAI: Until my protoblood runs out. And - (he walks
over to them) I cannot protect the both of you all the time unless you stay
together, all the time
(790 wheels his trolley up to
790: Protect me, stud muffin!
STAN: (laughs) Yeah,
that's gonna happen
(Stan gets up on the pedestal and activates the
template. Xev sits down on the well and starts filing her nails with a piece of
LEXX: Yes, Stan?
STAN: I know your stomach is
empty, but I'm asking you, as a personal favour - do you think that you could
muster enough energy to just, just get us out of this terrible part of the
LEXX: I cannot fly anywhere until I eat something. I'm sorry,
STAN: 790, look, how long ids it before Lexx's orbit decays completely
and we crash into one of those two planets?
790: We will crash in 151
STAN: OK Lexx, look, just, just how much food do you need to break out
of this orbit?
LEXX: A lot, Stan. I cannot fly till I eat a lot of food,
Stan. I am very very hungry
STAN: Yeah, yeah
(He sits down at the
base of the pedestal)
XEV: Kai - you said the cities on Water all
had lots of food
KAI: They do - but I do not know if we can transport enough
in time to get the Lexx out of this orbit before we crash
790: Kai - you
propel me out of my orbit. Oooooh!
KAI: Thank you, 790
XEV: Well - we're
running out of time, so we should make a decision, soon
STAN: I don't know,
OK? I don't know, I don't know what decision to make, all right? Except that I
gotta sleep on it, that's my decision, OK?
(Stan walks off the
790: (yawns) I want to go to bed too, Kai
You do not sleep, 790
790: Who said anything about sleep?
throws her towel over 790)
(Stan is asleep in his moth bed, dreaming of a
beautiful forest, with flowers floating in the air. He is holding a flower,
pulling the petals)
STAN: Yes she does - no she doesn't. Yes she
does - no she doesn't. Yes she does (laughs) No she
(Lyekka appears, dressed in white and looking very
LYEKKA: Yes she does
STAN: Hi, Lyekka
(Stan hands her his flower)
STAN: Oh, I missed
LYEKKA: I missed you too
STAN: Are you alive?
(She starts pulling petals off the flower)
this - am I having a dream?
LYEKKA: Yes! Isn't it wonderful?
does a twirl. Stan laughs)
STAN: Yeah. Lyekka, I was thinking - umm
STAN: Well, you're a plant, right?
STAN: And you're smooth right round the bend
LYEKKA: I am smooth right
round the bend
STAN: So that means that you can't make love in a normal human
kind of way
LYEKKA: No Stan. I cannot (smiles)
STAN: Do you think
you could, in a creative way?
LYEKKA: What do you mean, Stan?
STAN: Well I
mean, a woman can make a man feel good - if she wants to - you know, she does
certain things, right
LYEKKA: I want to make you feel good, Stan
(Lyekka licks her lips. Stan licks his lips)
(Lyekka opens her mouth - just a little bit too wide. There is
a growling sound)
STAN: What was that?
LYEKKA: I'm hungry, Stan.
And I want to make you feel really good
(Her mouth opens waaaay too
wide. She bites - and Stan wakes with a start)
STAN: Dream. Just a
(He lies back down - well, most of him does)
Xev and Kai take a moth down to Water)
XEV: Stan, what's the
priority? Food for Lexx, or finding a new home?
STAN: What about
XEV: We have to choose
STAN: Well, you know Xev, I'm not really good
at this choosing thing
XEV: Kai - I know you don't have wants, but what do
you think we should do?
KAI: I think you should make a choice that brings you
STAN: Well, that's really helpful, Kai. Thanks a lot,
(The moth flies past ships laden with fruit, then flies low over
the water beneath a domed city. Part of the city has huge glass greenhouses and
well tended lawns, flower beds)
STAN: Well, Xev - there's our big
pile of food
(There are three female gardeners, wearing short
red/orange/yellow pinafores, striped stockings, gloves and straw hats. They are
singing as they work)
ALL: Garden, it does give, give,
Garden, it does live, live, live
Fruits and plants, blooms so
Garden gives good things to eat
All the whole day long
does give, give, give
(The moth lands near the flower bed. They get
out, and the gardeners - Lily, Tulip and Daffodil - curtsey to them. Stan
curtseys back, and laughs)
STAN: This could be the
(Lily leads them through a vast greenhouse. Lush trees,
brightly coloured fruits, very unusual flowers. Stan is munching on a piece of
LILY: There are many cities on Water. Here we grow food for
all of them
XEV: How many of you grow food?
LILY: Oh, there's myself,
Tulip, and Daffodil. I guess there's just the three of us, right now anyway, I
KAI: And the ships are yours?
LILY: The ships deliver the food to
the other cities
XEV: What do you get in return?
LILY: In return?
Yeah, I mean, you're sending all this food out, don't you ever get anything
LILY: (laughs) On Garden we like to grow food. The beautiful
Garden gives, Xev. It makes us happy
(She hands Xev a large purple
poppy, which Xev takes and sniffs enthusiastically)
STAN: Er - just
out of curiosity, er, you said there were just the three of you. Are there any
LILY: Of course!
LILY: Everywhere! The soil is very
STAN: Yeah, I bet
LILY: It's eager to nurture. To make things
rise up and grow, strong and thick
STAN: Yeah, it's working for me
It makes us happy
STAN: Bet I could be made to be happy
(Later. Xev is trying to talk to Stan, but he's watching Tulip
and Daffodil at work)
XEV: If we get all our moths down here, we
might have enough food for the Lexx
STAN: Yeah, we might
XEV: But I think
we have to start now
STAN: I agree, except -
Xev, look around you! I mean, it's a beautiful city. We got all the delicious
food you could ever want, attractive people, I mean, what's the
(He waves at Daffodil. She waves back. So does
XEV: Less than 150 hours is the hurry, if you
STAN: I don't care about that anymore
(The plants shoot
pollen into the air. Daffodil is busy watering. Kai walks up to
KAI: Daffodil - where are your
DAFF: Well - everywhere
KAI: Where is
(Daffodil holds a flower)
DAFF: This is a
male, see? It has a stamen. And, this is a female. You know, some of the plants
are both male and female at the same time, but - I like them all
KAI: You are
a female, are you not?
DAFF: Yes. I think so
KAI: So - there are male
plants but no male humans on this city
DAFF: No, I suppose not
Stanley will be happy to hear that
(Daffodil picks a flower and gives
it to Kai)
DAFF: We like dead things
tucks his hair behind his ear)
DAFF: Well, when things die here, we
put them back into the soil - so that they can help create new life. You can
help us create new life
(Lily is humming as she works. Stan walks up
STAN: Hey Lily, really like this place you got
LILY: I like it too
STAN: Yeah. Very attractive
LILY: It's full of
STAN: Yeah. The kind of flowers you'd like to
(He laughs. Lily carries on watering)
STAN: I'm not
making you feel uncomfortable, am I?
STAN: You know, since I'm
gonna be around for a while, maybe I should tell you a little something about
myself. Well, you see, I'm just a guy, you know, with hopes and dreams, big
heart, sense of adventure. Sometimes I'm attracted to beautiful things
STAN: Yeah, yeah. Like flowers - Lily! (laughs) Yeah,
but you know, sometimes even in a great big beautiful bouquet there's just one
flower that stands out apart from all the rest
LILY: Oh, I know what you
mean. There's always one plant that you love more than all the others, that you
want to touch, to stroke, and love all to pieces
STAN: I know exactly what
LILY: You do?
STAN: Yeah. I wanna water your garden, Lily. Can I
(She hands him her watering can. This was not
quite what Stan had in mind)
STAN: This could take a
(Later. Stan joins Kai and Daffodil)
Dead man. How's it going?
KAI: There are no male humans on this city - only
STAN: What do you mean, there's just you, me and Xev -
And the three female gardeners
STAN: That's all?
KAI: That appears to be
STAN: Oh (smiles) Oh, I'm sorry to hear that - for Xev's
(He grins, and walks away. A blue parrot lands on Kai's
(More flowers shoot pollen into the air. Tulip waves at Stan,
and he waves back. Xev walks up behind him)
STAN: Well, there are no
XEV: You're right. I don't want to stay
STAN: No? No problem. I
resign. You can be captain of the Lexx. Look - I found a place that I really
really like, OK? You can too. I'm sure there's some city that's just right for
you somewhere on this planet
XEV: What about Kai, where does he go? I mean,
he can't protect us both if we're in two different places, right? And these two
planets are at war
(But Stan is more interested in watching
XEV: Stan - why don't we just get as much food as we can and
go back to the Lexx and find a planet that suits us both?
STAN: I'm happy
(He walks away, then turns)
STAN: Look, Xev, I mean
it, I resign. OK, you know, take the moths, take food back to the Lexx, I don't
XEV: (sighs) I don't have the key
STAN: Well - you know
what you've got to do to get it
(He grins. Xev walks over to him,
runs her hand up his chest - and grabs his throat)
XEV: It can
always be passed on the edge of death, remember?
STAN: So what are you gonna
do Xev? Kill me?
XEV: Maybe I should
(She lets him go, and leaves.
Stan shakes his head)
(Xev has gone looking for Kai)
XEV: Where are you?
KAI: Over here
(Xev walks into a pillared clearing. Kai is
buried in a flower trough, with only his face sticking out of the soil. The
parrot is nearby)
KAI: Xev - if you want to feed the Lexx you must
go back now, and return with as many moths and moth breeders as are
XEV: What are you doing?
down, leans her arms on the edge of the trough)
XEV: Why are you
buried in the dirt?
KAI: It is - the natural way of all dead things
So you're just going to stay in the soil until - what? Until you rot?!
Unless you request otherwise. But as I am decarbonised, it could take some
XEV: I'm leaving
(She gets up)
KAI: Where are you
XEV: I don't know. Somewhere, better than this
(Sunrise. More pollen. Tulip is watering plants. Stan checks
his breath, then walks up behind her. She bends over and he puts his hand on her
bottom - no reaction. He tries both hands - still nothing)
STAN: Do you mind if I, um -
turns to face him)
TULIP: I want to give you something. Is that
STAN: Oh yeah. Oh yeah, it's OK
TULIP: It's juicy -
TULIP: And it's sweet
STAN: Ooo, I like sweet
TULIP: And it's
STAN: I really like slippery
TULIP: And it's soft
TULIP: And it's ripe
STAN: OK. Let's get started
STAN: Ready ready ready
TULIP: Take a bite
(She shoves a slice of melon into
Stan's mouth. He opens his eyes)
STAN: Well yeah, I've had these
before and, um -
TULIP: I wanted you to have it
STAN: Er - thanks. Is
there anything else that you wanted to give me? Hmm?
(She walks away, laughing)
(Xev is crouched beside a stream, twirling her purple
flower in the water, and singing angrily)
XEV: Garden it does live
Garden it does give give give!
(She seems sad. There
are some strange mushrooms growing nearby - dark brown with blue spots. She
takes one and eats it)
(Meanwhile, Stan prepares to try his charms on
Daffodil, who is watering flowers)
STAN: I'm ready. Are
(He takes hold of her and kisses her, but she's
more interested in watching her flower grow)
DAFF: Oh wait, it's
STAN: You got that right
DAFF: I like it when they grow fast. Very
STAN: Mmm, ditto
(He puts his hand on her
STAN: I want you. I want you now
DAFF: You want
STAN: I want to plant my seed in your garden
(She turns around, bends over - )
(Then she turns back, and hands him some
DAFF: Like this. Every one about this far apart. That way
they grow the best
STAN: (laughs) No no. I want you, to do to me,
what I know you want to do
(He puckers up - she waters him, and
STAN: Thank you. Thank you. That's good
Stan walks over to Kai's trough)
STAN: How's your decomposition going?
KAI: Oh, the process of
decomposition is a very long one. Once my protoblood fails, my body will very
gradually return to the earth in the form of inorganic basic compounds
Well, whatever makes you happy
KAI: It does not make me happy
very strange, you know that?
(He walks away)
(Xev waves her
flower, and it seems to leave a trail in the air. She looks down at the fish in
XEV: What do you think I should do?
looks at her reflection, and sees a Cluster lizard. Then a shot of red haired
Xev watching Kai sing (2.18 Brigadoom), blue haired Zev dying (2.2 Terminal),
the original Zev (1.1 I Worship His Shadow), a teenage Xev, a baby Xev in a box.
A voice echoes in the background
MATRON: Xev of B3K. Xev of B3K.
Wrong. The correct answer is - always flatter your man. Never admit his
failings. Good baby
(There is a shot of Xev staggering around the
bridge (2.17 The Net), then images of Stan - wired up in the cryopod (3.8 The
Key), watching her die (2.2 Terminal), with the spider creature coming out of
his mouth (2.17 The Net)
STAN: I want you. Touch me, touch me, touch
me, come on!
(Then images of Kai - looking at Zev after killing His
Divine Shadow (1.1 IWHS), smiling on stage (2.18 Brigadoom), lurking on the
bridge of the Lexx (2.10 Wake the Dead)
KAI: Xev - I was thinking of
you. I want you. I want you - right now
(Xev sighs, and rocks
(Elsewhere in Garden - )
STAN: OK, Lily, I'm
desperate, OK? I'll plant your seeds, I'll water your garden, I'll hoe your row.
I'll do anything, humiliate myself, anything! Just answer me one question - do
you actually know what sex is?
LILY: Sex is when a female plant is fertilised
by a male plant, and a new plant is created
STAN: Do you know anything about
sex between people?
(Lily just laughs at this)
Yeah, what a concept. Look, I wanna teach you about sex between people, I want
you to learn that, OK, can you do that?
LILY: If I can
STAN: OK. Good.
This is how it goes
(He gives her a big sloppy kiss on the cheek. She
just stands there)
STAN: See, it takes two to do this. I can't do it
all by myself, you gotta help, OK?
LILY: OK. That's how to do
(She puts her arm around him and he kisses her again. She really
doesn't have a clue)
STAN: This is not making me happy
know how to make you happy
STAN: Yeah, how?
LILY: I could give you a nice
STAN: You know, right now, I'm not that interested in plants
But that's what we do here on Garden. We grow plants to make people
STAN: Women, with no clothes on, very very close to me - that makes me
happy. But plants, you know, that doesn't make me happy
LILY: Surely we could
create a plant that would make you happy, at least a bit?
STAN: You know,
right now I can honestly say, more than ever before, that there is no kinda
plant that you can - (thinks) Any kind of plant?
LILY: Any kind you
have ever seen
STAN: Yeah, but how?
LILY: We can take it from you - from
(Later. Stan is sitting with the gardeners, who are now
wearing bikinis made of flowers, with thin veils draped from their waists. The
girls are chanting)
ALL: Grow garden, grow garden, dream garden,
(Lily puts a garland of flowers around Stan's
STAN: Do I have to?
ALL: Grow garden, grow garden,
dream garden, dream
Grow garden, grow garden, dream garden, dream
garden, grow garden, dream garden, dream
(Lily takes a plate of the
strange mushrooms and hands it to Stan)
LILY: Let the garden
LILY: Stanley - let the garden dream
takes a mushroom, bites it, but doesn't like it. She hands him a flask to drink
from. The gardeners are all sitting cross legged opposite Stan - swaying,
leaving a trail behind them. Stan gets sleepy, closes his eyes. Flowers are
floating in the air. Lily gets up, moves her hands in front of Stan's face, and
catches something glowing. She walks behind Stan, and plants it in the soil. She
LILY: The beautiful Garden gives
(She takes her
place back with the others. As Stan sleeps, a plant starts to grow. The
gardeners are rocking, moaning, gasping. The plant grows a huge yellow flower.
It opens, and a woman stands up, stretches - it's Lyekka. She's wearing a white
and orange dress, and a cap with flowers on top. Stan wakes, turns and sees
(He goes over to
STAN: Oh, Lyekka. I was just dreaming about
LYEKKA: I'm happy you dreamt about me
(Stan kisses Lyekka's
cheek. The gardeners smile at her)
(She licks her lips and moves toward the gardeners, but Stan
STAN: No, Lyekka, no no. I know you need protein, but I
don't want you to eat them, OK? I want you, I want you to teach them how to
please a man, in creative ways
(Lyekka taps his
LYEKKA: I like you Stan
(Stan laughs. She heads for
the gardeners again, but he shows her some worms on the
STAN: Oh look, Lyekka - hey, I bet those taste good,
(She points at the gardeners, but he shakes his finger at her.
They go and visit Kai)
KAI: Hello, Lyekka
(Not interested, she walks away)
STAN: You got that
right. So - how's it going now, pal?
KAI: Same as ever
STAN: Same as ever.
(Lyekka has found Tulip)
LYEKKA: I like
it in here. And I like you
TULIP: You do? Oh, you're my favourite plant ever!
I'll do whatever you want
(She kneels before Lyekka, who strokes
LYEKKA: You look really tasty
TULIP: I do?
stands up, excited)
LYEKKA: I want to eat you
TULIP: Oh, you
LYEKKA: You know, I'm a very hungry plant
TULIP: Oh, I want to make
you happy, I really do. You're a very beautiful plant
TULIP: I want to make you happy. I want to make you happy
- who will look after the garden?
TULIP: Oh, another gardener will come, and
she will want to make you happy too
LYEKKA: Touch me
out her hand. Tulip touches it. There is a flash, and Tulip is gone. Her hat
drops to the ground. Lyekka is licking her fingers as Stan
LYEKKA: Mmm. This place is yummy
STAN: You ate
LYEKKA: She was delicious - but the worms were not very tasty,
(A new gardener arrives)
DAISY: Hi. My name's
(She picks up Tulip's watering can, and walks away, watering as
STAN: Hi. Er, there were, there -
She's the new gardener
STAN: New gardener. Oh. Well that's
(Xev joins them, still looking a bit spaced
(They hold up their
hands to each other, but don't touch)
XEV: What's going on,
STAN: Well, um - Lyekka's here now, and she's going to teach Lily and
Daffodil to, umm, you know, make a man feel good. Wanna lesson?
thank you. I'm leaving
(She starts walking away, down to the
LYEKKA: I don't want you to leave, Stan
STAN: Oh no, no,
I'm going to stay here with you Lyekka. Definitely
XEV: (calls back)
I'm taking Kai!
STAN: Well go ahead, take him. He's not doing much here
anyway. And Xev, I'm sure there's some stud farm town somewhere here on this
planet that will keep you busy
XEV: I'm sure there is
walks away. Stan follows)
STAN: The garden gives. Oh, Lyekka. I
(Xev stands on the bridge, and throws her flower onto
XEV: I'm leaving
(She goes to get Kai, who is
XEV: I'm going back to the Lexx. I'm going to get 790,
and then I'm going to find the right place for me to live, on
(She crouches down - the parrot moves aside for
XEV: I want you to come with me Kai. Then we could find a place
for us to live together
KAI: There is no right place for the dead - to
(Xev nods. She gets up and walks away)
(She looks back, but says nothing. She leaves)
reclining with Lyekka, while Lily and Daffodil feed him fruit)
Lyekka. I like Lyekka (laughs) More, more, more!
(He sees Xev watching them)
(He throws her some fruit)
STAN: I was just
thinking. We've been through a lot together, haven't we? You and me, Kai, robot
head, the big bug
XEV: Yes. I'll say goodbye to the Lexx for you
Yeah, thanks Xev
(He eats some more fruit)
XEV: I'll miss
STAN: (mouth full) I'll miss you too Xev. Say, maybe you
can find a place nearby, you know, and be neighbours, come visit each other from
time to time, hmm?
XEV: Yeah, maybe
STAN: Hey, who ever would've thought
that, when we met each other, way back there on the Cluster, things'd work out,
you know, so well? After all the crazy things we've been through
STAN: I just wanna say thanks, Xev
(And now her
chin is wobbling)
STAN: So, I guess this is goodbye
don't like goodbyes, Stan
XEV: Sometimes you have to say
(Stan looks at her)
XEV: But it's late in the
day, and maybe I'll take off first thing in the morning
up. Xev wipes her nose. He walks up to her)
(He looks at her)
hug - awwww!)
(Xev is lying in a bed - not sleeping, and looking sad.
Elsewhere, Stan is lying on a bed of ferns with Lyekka. He strokes her
STAN: You really do like me, don't you Lyekka? I mean, as a
person, not as a - something to eat?
LYEKKA: Yes. I like you
(He laughs, and lies back with his hands behind his
STAN: OK, I'm ready - make me happy
turns her head, sniffs the air)
STAN: Er - well, yeah!
LYEKKA: I'll be right back,
(She walks away)
STAN: Ready, steady - hey Lyekka,
don't be long!
(He looks down, grins)
STAN: We've got
(Lyekka has found Lily, Daffodil and
(They bow, and place their hands
on top of each other. She touches them - there's a flash, and the gardeners are
gone. Lyekka licks her lips, and heads back to Stan)
(In the night sky
above Garden, balloons appear - a lot of balloons. In his trough, Kai is singing
Yo A O. Men start sliding down ropes from the balloons)
© Filking Fairy
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana