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Lexx 2.13 Twilight
(written by Paul Donovan, Lex Gigeroff, Jeffrey Hirschfield)

(A courtyard, at night. Hands burst through the door, but a man -Roda- drives them off with a flaming torch. He is joined by his wife, Hidea)

HIDEA: They're getting in
RODA: I can see that, I have eyes
HIDEA: I know you can see it
RODA: Look, I'm gonna need more wood, OK? And bigger pieces - this is burning down
HIDEA: Where do you think I'm going to get wood? We're already after burning every stick of furniture in this stinking hole

(Their gothy daughter Lomea arrives)

RODA: Lomea, sweetheart. Help your mother find some wood, OK baby?
LOMEA: There's none left. We're all gonna die
HIDEA: For once in your life would you just do something that somebody asked you?
LOMEA: We've used everything
RODA: Find something, OK?
LOMEA: Find something yourself!
RODA: Use your heart! That's made of wood, isn't it?
LOMEA: Get the robot to look

(The robot is 792. Looks like 790, but with a body, wearing tights, a tunic - and a monocle)

792: Certainly, miss
RODA: No, he's too slow, we don't have time for him
792: No, no, no, we don't have time
HIDEA: Don't make me put my hands on you. Now - this is a matter of life and death, missy
LOMEA: I don't care. I've had enough of this
HIDEA: Get over here, you sack of pus
LOMEA: Don't call me a sack of pus!
HIDEA: Sack of pus. Sack of pus, pus, pus. Sack of pus!
LOMEA: You're the ones who got us stuck here - and that's only because everyone you've ever met knows you're such creeps!
RODA: Lomea!? I'm gonna burn myself
LOMEA: I wish you were dead. I wish I were dead
RODA: Look, we're all gonna be dead if you don't get off your adolescent ass and find some wood!
LOMEA: I hate you! Both of you!

(Lomea storms off)

HIDEA: I really don't mind when she calls me a creep, but I don't like it when she uses those terms to refer to you
RODA: Me too
HIDEA: I just wish for once she'd call you what you really are - beyond repulsion. A DNA disaster, a mewling mass of mucky, - blech - a bald-headed bobo - Honey, let's face it - "creep" is a little bit of a compliment to you
RODA: Why, I oughta burn you, you castrating shrew
HIDEA: Too bad we're running out of wood, isn't it?

(On the bridge of the Lexx. Stan is lying asleep on the floor. Xev and 790 are watching him)

XEV: Stan? Stan

(Stan just mumbles incoherently)

XEV: I think you'd be more comfortable in your bed, Stan. Stanley?

(More mumbles)

XEV: How long has he been asleep?
790: 9 hours, 23 minutes and 13 seconds, dream girl
XEV: He doesn't look good. I'm worried about him
790: I'm not

(Back in the courtyard, hands come through the door and grab Roda's neck)

RODA: Hidea!
HIDEA: Lomea's right. Look, there's no point in fighting anymore, we might as well just lie down and die out of it

(The sun comes up, over an island surrounded by a vast ocean. The hands let go of Roda, and retreat)

RODA: Hidea, Hidea - once again the sun has come up, and we didn't get eaten!
HIDEA: Oh, isn't that great? What's your big plan for tomorrow night, baldie?
RODA: Ungrateful bitch

(Roda does a little dance)

RODA: I love you, sun. I love you, sun. I love you so much, sun. Lay your beams on me

(In the cryochamber. Stan is in a cryopod being examined by 790, while Xev and Kai watch)

790: Stanley Tweedle has an elevated level of hydrogen peroxide in his blood. He is suffering from skeletal and muscular degeneration, and his immune system has broken down. Furthermore, he stinks. It is unlikely that he will live much longer. I suggest we wake up Lyekka so that she can eat him

(Xev hits 790)

KAI: I believe Lyekka prefers healthy living things. Stanley may not be acceptable to her in this state
XEV: What's causing his condition, 790?
790: I have no idea
XEV: Are you telling me the truth?
790: Of course, Xevolicious. If Tweedle dies, then you will be the only living protein left for Lyekka to consume, so it is temporarily in my interest for the security guard to remain alive
XEV: Then what's wrong with him?
790: I do not contain a full complement of bio-diagnostic data - but I do gotta a whole lotta love
XEV: Kai?
KAI: His ailment is unusual. I too cannot precisely determine its cause. We must seek specialised help
XEV: Where?

(Stan mumbles)

XEV: Stan? Stanley. Talk to us, Stan. If he dies, we can't control the Lexx

(Inside their tower, Lomea is holding a foil collar round her neck, trying to get a tan. Hidea is lying down looking at her jewels while 792 gives her a foot massage)

HIDE: Before I die, Lomea, I want to give you these pearls - but I can't, because I love them so much!

(Roda arrives, with a tatty wicker basket)

RODA: Look at this - wood!
HIDEA: Oh, you're doing a really good job there, Roda. I think that basket is really going to protect us from them
RODA: Well at least I'm doing something. Sun's gonna set tonight, like it does every night, and one of us is trying to do something
HIDEA: And you know, I'd like to thank you from the pit of my heart, but what difference does it make? - We are all going to die! Now could you please sit down out of it for a moment, so I could enjoy my last few minutes on this benighted hellhole? (to 792) Did I say harder to you? Harder, did I say harder?
RODA: Lomea, what are you doing?
LOMEA: I wanna look good when I die!
RODA: There's not enough sun for that, sweetheart
LOMEA: Shut up!
RODA: Hey, don't start in now, OK, I've had enough of both of you. Chip in here
HIDEA: Did you hear her? She said shut up
RODA: You shut up
HIDEA: You shut up!
RODA: Shut up!

(Their squabbling is interrupted by the squawking of a mechanical owl, which is receiving a message from the Lexx)

XEV: Can anybody hear me? Can anybody hear me? This is a medical emergency. We are the crew of the Lexx. Our captain is critically ill with an unknown condition, and we seek help
RODA: This is it! This is it! This is it! This is it! Our ticket off this hellhole
LOMEA: Took long enough

(Roda hugs Lomea, then kisses Hidea - who is disgusted)

HIDEA: Oh, please. Please, don't ever, ever, touch me like that again, please
RODA: Lomea - get your father's cape

(They are all on their best behaviour as they appear on the Lexx's view screen)

RODA: Hello, Lexx. I am Roda, High Governor of the planet Ruma
KAI: I know the planet Ruma
XEV: How?
KAI: I have the memories of the last Divine Shadow, and he knew the planet well
RODA: Also, a very experienced medical type person
HIDEA: Hello. I'm Hidea. Did you know that Ruma has long been famous for its health giving properties, that emanate up from the minerals deep in the planet's soil?
XEV: Is what they are saying true?
KAI: It is not untrue
RODA: Yes, for years now, many of the rich and powerful have been coming here to participate in the holistic elements that are in the ground here. If we can't help you, you're probably dead already!
KAI: Do you have diagnostic medical equipment?
RODA: Oh, yes. This is my robot 792, fully equipped with all of the latest biological data circuitry and probing facilities
790: He certainly has a nice body
HIDEA: We will transmit our co-ordinates
KAI: There is no need. We know where Ruma is located
RODA/HIDEA: We'll be waiting for you!

(They end transmission)

XEV: Is Ruma dangerous?
KAI: It - may have been, before the Divine Order collapsed, but it should not be dangerous now. In any event - we do not have much choice
XEV: You're right. Come on, Stanley. Come on, get up

(Kai and Xev manoeuvre Stan onto the pedestal)

XEV: Stanley - you have to help us to get you to planet Ruma
STAN: No room - all full up
XEV: Stanley, tell the Lexx to go where Kai directs him
STAN: Tell Lexx? Tell Lexx, tell Lexx
XEV: Stanley, say "Lexx, go to Ruma"
STAN: Lexx -
XEV: - go to Ruma
STAN: - go to -
XEV: - Ruma
STAN: Ruma
LEXX: As you command, Stan

(They reach Ruma. Xev, Kai and Stan take a moth down to the island)

KAI: Whenever a Divine Shadow died, his brain was removed, and his body was sent to Ruma for burial
XEV: Why Ruma?
KAI: The planet's core contains an unusual combination of elements which emit an isotopic frequency of low level radiation that - somehow manages to keep the bodies in a semi-living state
XEV: Radiation. Will it affect us?
KAI: It is not known to affect the living

(Kai is playing with his hair. The moth lands in the courtyard, where the family is waiting)

RODA: Come, my pretty ones

(Xev gets out of the moth)

RODA: High Governor Roda, commander in chief, and keeper of the Divine Ossory at your service. This is my wife, Lady Hidea, and my daughter, Lomea. And the medicinal robot, 792
792: Pleased to make your acquaintance, ma'am
HIDEA: Welcome to Ruma

(Hidea shakes hands with Xev)

HIDEA: So glad to make your acquaintance
LOMEA: We're very glad you're here
XEV: My name is Xev
XEV: Yes. Xev of B3K. And you are commander in chief of - who?
RODA: Well, since the collapse of the Divine Order, all of my fellow clerics have left their post, leaving my humble self and my beloved wife, and my beautiful daughter all by our lonesome to deal with the - deceased -
HIDEA: Take care of the Divine Predecessors
RODA: - the dead people

(Kai jumps out of the moth)

KAI: The - billowing, clouds
XEV: Kai?
RODA: This man has the uniform of a Divine Assassin
XEV: A former Divine Assassin - he's with us now
RODA: Former, ha ha. Well - then I guess we'll just take your captain in and, er, give him mouth to mouth, or something. But we'll work on him

(Kai pats Roda on the shoulder)

KAI: The burning hills
RODA: The burning hills?
XEV: Kai?
LOMEA: I like your dress
XEV: Thanks. It's lizard skin
LOMEA: Lizards are cool - especially their tongues

(Inside the tower. Stan is on a bed being checked by 792. Kai is sitting at a window)

KAI: The billowing clouds that puff and flower
Are calling me to an ancient bower
XEV: Kai, what are you doing?
KAI: I must sing my song
XEV: Don't go far
KAI: Woo!

(Kai jumps out of the window)

XEV: Kai! I think we'd better have your robot check on Kai too. He's been acting strangely ever since we got here
LOMEA: Everybody acts strange around here
HIDEA: I think he's quite - charming
LOMEA: Who cares about him anyway?
XEV: I care about him
LOMEA: Do you do it with him?

(Hidea drags Lomea away, but she goes back to Xev)


(Kai is sprawled on the ground. He picks himself up, does a forward roll, and starts shadow boxing)

KAI: The wheel

792: I've completed my analysis of your captain, madam. He has an elevated hydrogen peroxide level, and his immune system is failing
XEV: Yeah, we know that, but what's causing it?
792: I will have to perform a blood profile
HIDEA: Where'd he get those shoes?

(Meanwhile, Kai dances, goes out through the gates, and picks some wild flowers)

792: Your captain is deficient in the element of -
RODA: Excuse me for just a second. I'd like to have a little conversation with Xev
Since the collapse of the Divine Order - how can I put this? - our situation has been, um, em -
HIDEA: Delicate
RODA: - it has been delicate
LOMEA: What he means to say is that he got us stuck on this hell and we want off
RODA: Lomea darling, why don't you go pick your pimples, OK?

(Lomea backs off)

RODA: She is cute, isn't she? What I mean is - ah -
HIDEA: When everyone else abandoned their post on this hideous planet, my husband was rewarded for his loyalty by being left behind
XEV: I'm surprised they didn't kill you
RODA: Who, me? Why would anybody do that, kill me?
XEV: The Divine Order were hated by everyone - and you worked for them
RODA: On a lonely outpost
HIDEA: And in a very very lowly position
LOMEA: Very lowly
RODA: And no way deserving punishment
HIDEA: Exactly, and now, what we would like to establish, is if we take care of your medical problem -
XEV: Mm hm?
HIDEA: What will you do for us?
XEV: What do you want?
RODA: Well - to be truthful with you, we would like it if you could take us away from all of this
XEV: Sure - but to where? I thought that former clerics from the Divine Order were not that welcome anymore
HIDEA: Oh no. We have many friends, on many many many planets -
RODA: Many
HIDEA: - who will be glad, glad to have us
RODA: They'd be glad
XEV: Fine, we'll take you to the nearest one then
RODA: We agree then - oh, I love your hair. Oh, robot!
792: Madam
XEV: Yes, please, how is Stanley doing?
792: He is deficient in the element selenium
XEV: Selenium?
792: A trace element required by certain species such as human beings to create specific enzymes that break down hydrogen peroxide. It is unusual that his diet would be deficient in it. What does he eat?
XEV: Only food which is provided by our ship, the Lexx. It feeds us with stuff that it makes
792: Clearly the Lexx's food supply does not contain selenium
XEV: Is the condition fatal?
792: Yes. If he does not get selenium soon, he will die
XEV: So where do we get it?
792: High Commander Roda's dandruff shampoo contains selenium. You must feed it to your captain
XEV: Shampoo?
RODA: Er, excuse me - my shampoo?
792: It will be an effective therapy - if consumed in time
RODA: My shampoo?

(Xev is pouring shampoo onto a spoon)

RODA: Please - don't use it all, OK?
XEV: Well, there's not much there
792: He won't require much
HIDEA: If there's a problem with the food, why isn't it bothering you?
XEV: Oh - we all have different biologies

(Xev spoon feeds Stan the shampoo)

XEV: Very different, in fact
LOMEA: I'd say

(Roda and Hidea have moved into another room to talk privately)

HIDEA: Nobody is gonna take us in. We don't have any friends
RODA: I know that
HIDEA: I know you know that. It's because we're part of your stupid Divine Order. Wherever we go, we'll be killed
RODA: We will?
HIDEA: Yes. Yes! Now listen. It's obvious, isn't it?
RODA: Is it?
HIDEA: We take the ship and leave them here to feed the animals
RODA: I don't know
HIDEA: What? You don't know?

(She slaps his head)

HIDEA: Do you have a better plan?
RODA: Well, why don't we just get off the freaking planet before we start getting ambitious?
HIDEA: This is our only chance. You saw that the assassin has been affected by the rays from the planet! If we're in control of the ship, then we are in control!

(Outside, Kai is trying to compose a poem)

KAI: Swings. Spins. Turns

LOMEA: Now what?
HIDEA: Well, we wait until he gets better, I suppose - right?
792: He has swallowed enough of the shampoo. It will take some time to have effect
HIDEA: You know - I think he looks better already
XEV: Yeah
HIDEA: Xev, is it? Why don't you let me show you around, Xev?
XEV: What's there to see?
HIDEA: Not much - but we've got quite a bit of time to waste. Now, if there's any change in the patient, contact us immediately, do you understand?
792: Yes, Lady Hidea
HIDEA: And Lomea - make us some food. We're going on a picnic
XEV: Erm - actually, I'm not very hungry
LOMEA: Outside?
HIDEA: Outside
LOMEA: What food?
HIDEA: I don't know, darling, throw something together

(Kai walks across a bridge towards a cliff)

KAI: Swings

(Xev and the family are all outside, close to the gate)

HIDEA: I love a picnic

(Lomea brings her a frying pan)

HIDEA: Well, thank you, sweetheart

(Then Lomea squeezes herself in next to Xev)

HIDEA: Oh, well - we're running a little short on food
RODA: We've practically no meat at all
LOMEA: I wouldn't say that
XEV: Why did they send the bodies of the dead Divine Shadows here?
RODA: I don't know. They got a thing about the dead, I think
XEV: What?
HIDEA: Well, for whatever it was they wanted them for
RODA: You never asked questions of the Divine Order, you just did what they told you to do, otherwise you ended up in the protein bank
XEV: Or they turned you into a love slave
LOMEA: You got the love slave treatment?
XEV: Yes. Yes, I got the looks and the accelerated libido, but I missed the personality adjustment. The robot who worked on me got that
LOMEA: I have an accelerated libido
XEV: Oh yeah? So you know how frustrating it can be when there's no men around

(Hidea sighs. Roda holds his nose while he eats)

XEV: Well, I should go and check on Stan
RODA: No, no, no no
HIDEA: No, my love. You just relax. Lomea and I will do that
LOMEA: Why me?
HIDEA: Because, mommy's little darling doe, that's what mommy wants you to do
LOMEA: Well I wanna stay here
HIDEA: But we're going to go see the captain
LOMEA: Yes, mother

(Hidea drags Lomea inside. Roda laughs)

RODA: Kids today, huh? Another sunset on Ruma - we never take them for granted
XEV: I really should go and see Stanley for myself
RODA: Whatever

(Xev starts to head towards the tower, so Roda jumps up)

RODA: Oh my god! The assassin, he's fallen off the cliff!
XEV: What?
RODA: Look
XEV: Where? I don't see him

(Xev looks over the edge. It's sunset. Roda runs back through the gate, locking it behind him. Xev gives chase)

XEV: Hey! Hey, what's going on?

(Hidea looks down from the top of the wall)

HIDEA: What's going on, miss cutey pie, is we're taking your moth and we're flying away without you
XEV: We made a deal
HIDEA: I know, and we broke it
XEV: Kai? Kai, where are you?
RODA: He can't help you, sweetheart
XEV: What about Stanley? I need to see him
HIDEA: Gosh golly gee - I forgot! Here!

(792 brings Stan to the top of the wall)

RODA: Would you like him desperately? Here he comes
HIDEA: He's all yours

(They throw Stan off the wall)

XEV: Stan. Stanley. You can't leave without us. You can't fly the Lexx without Stanley, he's the only one who's got the key
RODA: Like I really believe that too, huh? Listen, you have a good night, OK, 'cause it's gonna be your last
HIDEA: Oh, and remember - you can run, but you can't hide. They are going to get you
XEV: Who is they?
RODA: They are looking for their din-dins, and that's you, sweetheart
HIDEA: And tonight, you're the main course on the menu
XEV: You're very bad people
RODA: Oh, that hurts
HIDEA: I'd love to hang around and chat, but we've gotta go. Packing and all that. Ta ta!
RODA: Bye!
XEV: Come on, get up
STAN: Oh. Ow!
XEV: Help me, please
STAN: Oh, I don't feel good

(The grilles at the front of tombs are pushed off by zombies wearing the robes of His Divine Shadow. The zombies start walking towards Stan and Xev)

STAN: What are they?
XEV: Neighbours

(Kai has crawled to the top of the cliff, still holding wildflowers. He sees a lily, which he cuts from the rocks with his brace. He stands at the edge of the cliff)

KAI: Where no thing is shall nothing be
Only then - will I be free

(He looks at the lily - throws the other flowers over the edge)

(Hidea and Roda are busy packing cases)

RODA: Where's Lomea?
HIDEA: I don't know. She's probably sulking around somewhere, lurking - Lomea!

(The zombies re getting closer to Stan and Xev)

STAN: What do they want?
XEV: Dinner
STAN: Dinner? - but we don't have any dinner
XEV: We are dinner
STAN: What - we're what, we're dinner?
XEV: Yes
STAN: Us? Them? Oh boy

(They back against the gate, and start pushing at it as the zombies approach)

STAN: Where's Kai?
XEV: He's gone

(Kai is now wearing the lily in his hair, and playing with a skull)

KAI: The wheel it turns, it comes around
It makes an ancient rumbling sound

(Kai laughs, moves the jawbone so the skull laughs too)

(On the Lexx, Lyekka emerges from her pod)

790: Lyekka! You're awake!
LYEKKA: I am hungry. I have to eat
790: Unfortunately Stanley Tweedle is not here, but if he were, he'd make an excellent main course
LYEKKA: where is Stanley?
790: He and my darling delightful delicious Xev have gone down to the planet with the dead man
LYEKKA: What planet?
790: That one

(Lyekka looks at the planet on the view screen, pulls a face)

LYEKKA: It does not look very tasty
790: I have been waiting for my Xev-orific to communicate with me, but have heard nothing

(Lyekka picks up the squawker)

LYEKKA: Hello? Can anybody hear me? Is anybody there? Stanley?

(Kai answers her)

KAI: The wheel it turns, it comes around
It makes an ancient rumbling sound
LYEKKA: This is not Stanley
790: Where's Xev?!

(Xev and Stan are battling zombies)

STAN: Get back!
XEV: They're not very strong, you can fight them

LYEKKA: More importantly - where is food?

XEV: Back! Back!

(A zombie bites Xev on her neck. 792 opens the gate, letting the zombies enter the courtyard)

HIDEA: You know, you can't just leave her behind
RODA: I'm not leaving her behind, she's leaving herself behind
HIDEA: Here, look - and give me a hand with this bag, it's heavy
RODA: You carry it yourself! I'm getting a hernia from this one. Get 792 to help you, please. I've had enough of you
HIDEA: I don't know where he is

(Roda and Hidea come out of the tower, and see the zombies feeding)

HIDEA: Look - they're eating the moth
RODA: Somebody must have let them in
792: Yes sir. I did, sir

(792 - or rather, just his head - is on the ground)

HIDEA: 792!
RODA: You're fired!
792: I'm sorry to have displeased you, sir
RODA: Are you insane?! Why would you open the gate?
792: I was only following my primary function, which is to care for the former His Shadows
RODA: And look what happened, they ate you
792: No sir. The plant woman did
HIDEA: What are you talking about, stupid head?
792: She's a plant, and she ate me. That's all I know, except to say that, the experience was strangely pleasant
HIDEA: That's it
792: Will there be anything else, sir?

(Roda kicks 792, then he and Hidea head back to the tower - but Lomea has locked the door)

RODA: Lomea, open the door now, honey
HIDEA: What do you mean, no?
LOMEA: I wanted to leave without you and fly away with Xev, but the moth's gone now, so there's no way off
HIDEA: Open the door
RODA: Lomea, this is not funny. They're gonna eat me, sweetheart
HIDEA: Sweetie, darling doe, you don't wanna watch mommy and daddy die, sweetie
LOMEA: We're all gonna die. At least I get to watch you die first
HIDEA: Open the door, darling, listen to mommy
LOMEA: No, no, no
HIDEA: Open the door
LOMEA: No, no, you're bad, no!
RODA: They're gonna eat me, Lomea

(Roda throws his suitcase at the zombies)

RODA: Try the suitcase, it's fibre - here!
HIDEA: Lomea!

(Stan and Xev are still struggling)

STAN: Get up, Xev, go on

(Most of the zombies are now through the gate into the courtyard)

STAN: Back, back - there's too many of 'em Xev. There's too many. Back!

(Stan and Xev follow the zombies into the courtyard - then see the moth)

STAN: Oh boy. Oh no, no, no, no. Oh, stupid zombies! They ate the moth!
XEV: Good work, ladies
HIDEA: Look - get that

(Hidea throws a suitcase at Xev, and the zombies follow like dogs)

RODA: My suitcase - tasty
XEV: Kai
STAN: What?
XEV: He's got the only squawker
STAN: Oh, great!
STAN: Kai!

(Stan and Xev leave, ahead of the zombies. Roda drops his other suitcase)

HIDEA: OK. Leave it, or I leave you
RODA: I'm not leaving my hair products

(Hidea runs - straight into a zombie. She pushes it out of the courtyard and shuts the gate, though some of the zombies are still inside)

792: Nice move, Lady Hidea

(Stan and Xev are walking across the bridge to the cliff)

STAN: Xev - what's wrong?
XEV: This bite stings
STAN: Well, just keep it together Xev, please

KAI: The wheel doth turn, it rolls around

(Kai is now sitting on the ground, with two skulls. Stan and Xev arrive)

KAI: Gather round the wheel, my friends
And make amends, and make amends
XEV: Kai, what's the matter with you?
KAI: All this is about to end

(Kai throws one of the skulls over the edge)

STAN: Oh, great - he's cracked, and we're zombie bait
KAI: The night doth bleed into morn
Sunlight seeping through the dawn
Decayed, forlorn
XEV: Kai, please snap out of it
STAN: What are you going to do, bore the zombies into submission? Xev, just get the squawker
XEV: Kai, give me the squawker, we need it to summon the Lexx

(Kai offers her the skull)

XEV: No, that's not the squawker, that's a skull. The radio. The little thing for communicating. You understand me?

(Kai taps a finger to the side of his head, shows her the squawker - )

XEV: Yes, that's it Kai, just give it to me, there's a good Kai

(- and throws it over the edge)

XEV: No!
STAN: You dumb stupid dead guy!
KAI: The wheel doth turn, it rolls around
STAN: So what are we gonna do now?
XEV: There's a transmitter back in the tower
STAN: Back down there?
XEV: Come on, let's go. Come on
STAN: (to Kai) I hate you
KAI: It makes an ancient rumbling sound

(Lomea is in her bedroom. Lyekka appears behind her, taps her on the shoulder)

LYEKKA: Hello there
LOMEA: Hello. Who are you?
LYEKKA: I am Lyekka
LOMEA: Lomea - and this is my lucky day
LYEKKA: I like you, Lomea
LOMEA: I like you too, Lyekka
LYEKKA: I need to eat

(Lomea gets onto her bed - Lyekka follows her)

LOMEA: Well, we don't have very much, but - what do you like to eat?
LYEKKA: Many things - as long as they are living and breathing
LOMEA: Oh - like me?
LYEKKA: Yes. Or - an animal
LOMEA: Like - for example - a small, furry animal?
LYEKKA: I love small, furry animals
LOMEA: So do I. Small, furry, wet, wild animals
LYEKKA: That sounds tasty
LOMEA: Oh, it is

(Stan and Xev are walking back across the bridge. She sniffs him)

STAN: What are you doing?
XEV: I can smell your brain, Stanley
STAN: Stop it! Xev

LOMEA: I can't think of a better place to die than in your arms
LYEKKA: Do you mean that?
LOMEA: Oh, yes
LYEKKA: I am glad that you are so eager for me to eat you
LOMEA: I've never been so eager. Make all my fantasies come true
LYEKKA: I will

(Hidea and Roda hear Lomea moaning, screaming)

RODA: Lomea

(Two zombies are on the bridge, heading for the cliff, where Kai is using a jawbone to draw a circle in the soil)

KAI: The wheel it turns, it spins around
Fellows, ha ha ha! Come, come. Share with me your tired tales and let my windy words fill your empty sails, as you travel across grey hills and brownish dales
Welcome, welcome

(Kai hugs both the zombies, then makes them hold hands - the zombies are very confused)

(Xev and Stan are now back in the courtyard, where Hidea and Roda are still fighting zombies)

HIDEA: Welcome back
XEV: We have to get to your transmitter and call the Lexx. If he hears Stan's voice it might be able to rescue us
RODA: No no no. We can't get to the transmitter 'cause it's in the tower -
HIDEA: - and Lomea won't let us in
RODA: She'll never listen to us
HIDEA: But she might listen to you, if you said the right thing she might listen to you
XEV: All right then

(They all go to the tower. Roda gets bitten by a zombie)

RODA: I hope he had his rabies shot
HIDEA: Lomea, open the door

(Lyekka opens the door, then vanishes)

STAN: I thought you said it was locked
RODA: It was
STAN: Quick, come on

(They go inside, and Hidea bars the door. One zombie bangs on it, then goes back to the other zombies)

(Kai is trying to teach his zombies poetry)

KAI: Around the hub, we -

(He listens for a response from the zombie, holds up the jawbone)

KAI: We - ?

(Kai gives up, pushes the zombie off the cliff, laughs, then turns to the other zombie)

KAI: The grinding wheel!

(Inside the courtyard, the zombies pick one zombie up to use as a battering ram)

792: Can I be of some assistance to you?

KAI: It makes an ancient rumbling sound

(Kai is trying to make the remaining zombie dance)

KAI: Round the wheel we lightly prance
La la la la la la la la la

(Stan is helping Xev up the stairs in the tower)

STAN: Come on, Xev, you can make it

KAI: Around its hub we sprightly dance
La la la la la la la la la - la!

(Kai pushes the zombie off the edge, then throws back his head and laughs)

(The zombies break through the tower door, as Stan reaches the top of the stairs)

RODA: 1002, 1003,
HIDEA: Oh, shut your mouth and save your breath
RODA: 1004, 1005. It doesn't get any easier (to Stan) I'm very sorry. We were gonna put in an elevator, but you don't get much money taking care of the dead, you know what I mean?

(The zombies are walking into the tower)

792: Sorry. Am I in your way, sir?

(Roda starts up the transmitter)

RODA: What's the name of the ship?
STAN: Lexx
RODA: Lexx
STAN: Hello, hello Lexx, Lexx, come in
790: Tweedle - what's going on? Where's Xev?
STAN: She's here

(Xev doesn't look well)

792: If anyone requires assistance, I'm over here

(The zombies shut the tower door behind them)

792: Hello?

STAN: Lexx - I want you to come down to the planet and pick us up, can you do that?
LEXX: The island is too small. I cannot land, Stan
STAN: Can you hover above it or something, and we'll find a way to get up to you
790: Tweedle - do what you have to do. Disembowel yourself and let Xev use your intestines for a lasso

(Xev makes a choking sound, and falls backwards. Hidea hears zombies coming up the stairs)

HIDEA: How long is it gonna take to get that thing here?
STAN: Not long
HIDEA: We don't have long
STAN: Oh boy. Lexx, hurry
HIDEA: Hurry!
STAN: Look, is there a way, a way to get to the roof?
HIDEA: Of course

(She uses a ring to lower a ladder)

STAN: Xev, Xev, I'll help you up to the roof

(Xev is nowhere to be seen)

STAN: Xev? Xev?

(The zombies are at the to of the stairs. Hidea goes up the ladder. Roda is next, but zombie Xev grabs him)

RODA: Let me go! Please!
STAN: Xev!

(Hidea raises the ladder behind her. Xev bites Roda)

RODA: No, please. Oh my, oh my god! Oh!

(He disappears beneath the zombies. More zombies corner Stan)

STAN: No, help, help, help! What about me?
HIDEA: Well, somebody's gotta feed them
STAN: No, help me. Help!

(Hidea makes her way onto the roof of the tower)

HIDEA: Much better you than me

(She sees the Lexx overhead - it dwarfs the island. Hidea feels someone tap her shoulder)

HIDEA: Who are you?
LYEKKA: Lyekka. You must be -

(She circles around Hidea, sniffing her)

LYEKKA: - Lomea's mother
HIDEA: Yes, I am. Where is Lomea?
LYEKKA: She was yummy. In fact - delicious
HIDEA: That's - nice
LYEKKA: And now, I'm going to eat - you
HIDEA: No. I don't - I mean, I have thought about it, of course, I mean, who hasn't, really, I just, oh my, oh my - do you find it hot here?

(Hidea fans herself. Lomea moves in for the kill)

STAN: Xev. Help!

(Lyekka lowers the ladder down to him)

STAN: Lyekka!
LYEKKA: Hello Stanley

(Stan scrambles up the ladder. Xev is still with the zombies)

(Kai is sitting in Lyekka's moth on the roof)

KAI: The grinding wheel, it rolls around
It makes an ancient rumbling sound

(Stan and Lyekka arrive)

STAN: You ate Hidea?
LYEKKA: Yes - but she tasted bitter
STAN: I don't wanna know. Oh good

(He gets into the moth)

STAN: You got Kai!
STAN: Wait, wait wait - we can't leave without Xev

(Kai puts his lily into Lyekka's top, between her breasts)

KAI: The fickle fates, the cosmic grind
Conspire to leave our friends behind
STAN: Oh shut up! Lyekka, Lyekka, no, we have to go get her

(They don't have to. Zombie Xev claws at the moth door)

(Later, on the bridge of the Lexx. Kai is looking thoughtful)

STAN: You sure you're all right?
KAI: We are out of range of the planet's radiation. It is no longer - affecting me. I'm fine. But Xev isn't

(Xev snarls. She is tied to the pedestal)

790: Be careful with her

(Kai starts sucking zombie poison from the bite on Xev's neck, spits it out. She snarls at him, then he starts sucking poison from her mouth)

790: Oh Xev. I worship you in any condition

(Kai spits out more poison)

XEV: Again, please

(She's back to normal, if a little rough)

XEV: Kai - again, please
KAI: A third application is unnecessary. I have already sucked all the poison out of you
XEV: Let me be the judge of that

(Stan looks disgusted. Xev leans down and Kai moves towards her - then pulls away. Xev sniffs)

STAN: What? What?

(Stan sniffs his breath)

XEV: Did - did I eat the High Governor?
STAN: Oh - oh yeah, yeah as a matter of fact you did - his brain anyway
LYEKKA: I ate Lomea and the mother
STAN: Oh, good

(Kai looks at Lyekka - trying to remember where he left his lily?)

XEV: Oh, I feel better now
STAN: Oh, me too, me too. So - let's blow up Ruma, hm?
KAI: Why?
STAN: Well -
KAI: There's no-one living on Ruma
STAN: It would be a feel-good experience for me, huh? Yeah? OK Lexx - turn around. Show me that planet - I'm gonna turn it into granite
LEXX: As you request, Stan

(But the view screen shows Mantrid's machine and the drone arms devouring Ruma)

STAN: Oh boy. Oh boy
KAI: I believe that the game is continuing

© Filking Fairy

© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana

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