Welcome to the Light Zone of LEXX! 
Посетите наш форум
Материалы Фанфики Галереи Форум Чат Гостевая Cсылки
"На главную"

Lexx 2.04 Luvliner
(written by Jeffrey Hirschfield & Paul Donovan)

(Xev is asleep in her bed. Stan is asleep in his moth. Kai is asleep in his cryopod. Xev starts writhing and moaning, which wakes Stan up)

(On the bridge, 790 is on the pedestal, spouting poetry)

790: On a branch, there is a fruit
Plump and ripe for sucking
In her bed, there is a body
Hot and right for -

(An image appears on the view screen - scantily clad girls and guys dancing. It's a tacky advert)

WOMAN: One on one
MAN: Two on two
WOMAN: You on me
MAN: Me on you

(The sound echoes through the Lexx - Stan listens)

WOMAN: I got what you need, oh baby, baby. Have you got something for me?
MAN: How about a little bump and grind, momma? I want to feel your steam. I want to ladle your cream

(Xev is asleep, but it's getting through to her. The screen in the cryochamber is also picking up the signal)

WOMAN: Be careful - I'm slippery when wet
MAN: I've been waiting so long - and it's getting so hard

(Xev writhes on her bed)

MAN: My name is Cortanyo - but you can call me the pulsing python of passion. I am young, tanned, cut and buffed
790: And unwelcome!
MAN: I'm looking for a woman -
790: Not here you're not!
MAN: - who doesn't tire easily
790: She's not listening!
MAN: But fair warning ladies - you may never walk again! I've got the love gun - are you next on my hit list?

(Poor Xev moans)

WOMAN: My name is Dineeta. Can you guess where my hand is right now?

(Stan laughs)

WOMAN: And do you know what I'd rather have there?
MAN: Red alert! Massive object approaching

(This is torture for Xev)

WOMAN: I'm young, stunningly gorgeous, and insatiable. I like my men cuddly, mature, and time-tested

(Stan starts to put his uniform on)

WOMAN: Are you out there, daddy man? Come to me - ravish me!
MAN: So leave a message - I'll get back to you. I'll get front to you. I'll get all over you - because where there's meat, there needs to be motion

(Xev finally wakes up. She gets dressed and heads for the bridge, as does Stan)

WOMAN2: Come for romance. Come for sensual adventure. Come to fan the flames of passion. Luvliner - we're wide open - to anything. Cruise in and unwind in the sultry lovers' lounge, with its relaxing garden courtyard. The water in the gilded pool is always warm - and inviting
790: Ew!
WOMAN2: And then kick back in one of our deluxe private accommodations. Then dial up room service. We guarantee your order will arrive - hot. So why not follow the dream beam to Luvliner - you'll be so glad you did. You'll find us at Queeb sector, quadrant 6LM7. Hurry - we're waiting for you
STAN: Lexx - did you get those co-ordinates?
LEXX: Yes, Stan

(Stan and Xev look at each other)

790: Stop looking at her, you bile inducing lecher!
XEV: Off!

(790 switches off)

STAN: So -?
XEV: So -?
STAN: (chuckles) What do you think?
XEV: I think, I want - one of those

(She points at the pulsing python of passion on the view screen. Stan gets up on the pedestal and activates the template)

STAN: Lexx - let's go. Hurry

(The Lexx heads for Luvliner - a small satellite, which doesn't look as bright and welcoming as it did in the advert)

STAN: Not exactly as advertised

(A scruffy sleazy man in a dressing gown appears on the view screen - Schlemmi)

SCHLM: (bored) Welcome to Luvliner, we love having you here. What do you want, speak
XEV: We, we -
STAN: We want action
SCHLM: Who doesn't? Well, it's all here. We got babes, boys, beasts, thinner, fatter, hunks, chunks, monks, twins dipped in batter, the wiggle, the jiggle, the oo la la, people to spank you and sheep to go baaa!
790: Right up your alley, Tweedle
STAN: Ha ha

(Stan hits 790 onto the floor)

SCHLM: So - what's your poison?
STAN: Well, can't we come down and check things out first?
SCHLM: Yeah, sure, what ya got?
XEV: Got?
SCHLM: Cash. Coin. Currency. Well, what do you think, the staff's here for exercise?
XEV: Well, we have no currency
790: Or desire. Xev, don't do it!
STAN: But we've got things to trade
SCHLM: Well we don't trade
STAN: But we have -
SCHLM: A hearing problem! No trade
STAN: No, but -
SCHLM: Listen bud - if it was up to me maybe we could bargain, but I'm not the owner here, and the owner's policy is hard currency only. It's simple - no money, no honey. So why don't you just take your big bug ship and turn it around and go and try and find something you can do for free, huh? By the way - what the hell is that thing? What kind of a loser flies around in a bug? (laughs) A bug!
STAN: Hey buddy, this is the Lexx, the most powerful destructive force in the two universes
SCHLM: Come on pal. What do you think, I'm an idiot? Why don't you just get the hell out of here, before I come after you with my swatter. This is a sex satellite, OK? Not a retard depository
790: How about just one retard?
SCHLM: Who said that?
STAN: Nobody
SCHLM: Nobody - like you!

(He laughs, and cuts off transmission)

STAN: Did you hear that? Did you hear what he called me? He called me a nobody!
790: He was rude and unhygienic. Let's be off, Xev
XEV: Stan - you probably don't remember because you were frozen -
STAN: He called me a nobody?!
XEV: - but when Kai punctured your heart and they wouldn't let us into the medical satellite -
STAN: Yeah?
XEV: I gave them a little - demo
STAN: Oh. Ah. Yeah. Of course

(He gets up onto the pedestal, activates the template)

STAN: Oh, buddy -

(Schlemmi reappears on the view screen)

SCHLM: I got things to do and you got no cash - buzz off
STAN: Lexx - could you destroy that moon please?
LEXX: As you request, Stan
SCHLM: Oh, that's real funny (laughs)

(There is a large red moon behind Luvliner. Lexx powers up, and destroys it. Schlemmi has a sudden change of heart)

SCHLM: Er. Oh. Well, um - hey, I completely forgot - do I work too hard, or what? It's Bob's Comet Day! Yeah, that old Bob's Comet just flew by, and we like to mark the occasion with, er, samples on the house, yeah. It's your big time lucky feelgood ho ho Bob kind of day, yeah. We got freebie visitor pass things, you know, whatever. So, er, why don't you come onboard, good people? It's time for love
XEV: Excellent
790: Meat love does not compare to metal love
XEV: I think I'll find that out for myself
790: Agony!

(Stan, Xev and 790 fly out in a moth)

XEV: I don't know Stan. Historically you don't have much luck in places like this (smiles)
STAN: I have a feeling my luck is about to change
XEV: Let's hope so

(Inside Luvliner, they go into the lounge area - not as it looked n the advert. Loud music, not particularly attractive people)

790: Times like this, I'm glad I have no sense of smell

(They walk past bored looking girls - one of whom is turning down a man who is wearing what looks a lot like a Star Trek uniform)

TREK: Come on, please - just a little
GIRL: Hey, I've been telling you all day - no pay, no lay
TREK: Please, I'm good for it!

(The gilded pool looks distinctly grubby. A fat old naked man splashes his hand in the water)

OLD: Hey beautiful - go for a dip?
XEV: Pass

(Schlemmi is at a counter, behind a metal grille - which an angry client is rattling)

CLIENT: You cheat! You worm! I'll kill you! I'll bust you up!
SCHLM: Let go of those bars - now
CLIENT: You gimmee the rest of my time, or I get my money back
SCHLM: Oh you do, do you? You want more time?
CLIENT: I want every bit of my time!
SCHLM: Oh, your time is over, pal!

(Schlemmi laughs, and pulls a lever, electrifying the bars. The client falls to the ground, twitching)

SCHLM: That's it, crawl away! Die slowly, buddy

(He laughs, then sees Stan, Xev and 790 approach the counter)

SCHLM: Oh, hey - it's so nice to see you in the flesh. I'm glad you could make it. Ooh, like the head
790: The name is 790, cretin
SCHLM: Hey, whatever you say, I'm easy. So - you the whole crew? Kind of a big ship for two people
790: Three!
XEV: Two and a half
STAN: There's one more onboard, he's not like us though
SCHLM: Oh, so what's he like?
STAN: Oh, you'd like to know?
SCHLM: No, not really. Just figured he'd want some fun
STAN: No, he doesn't like fun. He's an assassin. He's killed people, thousands
SCHLM: That's great
STAN: So where are the babes?
SCHLM: Oh yeah, right, babes (laughs) I guess you're looking for some real hot fun, right?

(He hands Stan, Xev and 790 perspex keys, shaped like penises)

SCHLM: OK, the right for you, the left for you - and head gets the middle. So, all you gotta do is step on in and let's get pumping
STAN: By the way, I instructed that our spaceship can blow this place to smithereens if we're not back onboard in two hours
SCHLM: Yes sir. Yeah, that's quite a good precaution sir. You know, you can't trust anyone in this universe these days. You be sure and have a good stay with us, huh? And oh, by the way - Happy Bob's Comet Day! (laughs)

(Xev puts 790's key in the lock, and the door opens)

790: Xev, you can't be serious! There's no-one for me but you! Don't place me in the arms of another!
XEV: Come on, a nice lady robot to rub your neck stump - you might like it
790: I won't!

(Xev steps inside. The entrance spins round, and she enters a very grubby looking room. She puts 790 down on the bed, and walks away)

790: Xev? Xev! Don't leave me Xev!

(Stan puts his key into the lock - has to try it several times before it works. He walks straight into a hanging decoration of plastic hearts - about the only decorative feature of the room. The tiles are old and cracked, the mattress is not nice at all. Stan sighs, and checks himself out in a broken mirror. He pokes at the mattress, gets it to lie flat, then sits on the bed)

(Xev's room is also not very appealing - and has an assortment of sex toys hanging from the wall. She sits on the bed, and presses a button on a machine nearby. A hologram of lips appears, and a woman's voice begins to speak)

WOMAN: Welcome, love seeker. Please take a moment to help us learn just what sort of pleasure you seek. Your preferences will be carefully processed, and the most appropriate candidates will be presented to you

(790 is also stating his preferences)

790: I'm after Xev
WOMAN: Do you prefer the opposite sex, your own sex, hybrid, or other alternative? If alternative, please specify -
790: Xev! Xev! Xev! Always and forever Xev!
WOMAN: - human, animal, plant, mineral, machine, virtual, or -

(Stan switches his machine on)

WOMAN: May your selection bring you the satisfaction you clearly deserve

XEV: Muscles, yes

(A hologram appears, of a muscular man in a loincloth)

XEV: Hmm - not bad

(Another hunky hologram appears)

XEV: Not bad at all

(Stan is not having much luck - so far the machine is only showing him fat women)

STAN: No, no, no - you're kidding, aren't you? There's a funny part, right?

(And now the hologram shows him a rear view of one of Xev's hunks, bending over)

STAN: Must we?

(790 is offered a toaster, then a blender)

790: No, Xev! Xev, Xev, Xev!

(Stan is still getting fat women)

STAN: Is this machine busted?

(Meanwhile, a ship is heading to Luvliner. A leather clad man with a shaved head is speaking to Schlemmi)

SCHLM: Yeah, Aulk, that's what I'm saying, a giant bug - you should have seen that thing take out Boron 13. Aulk, it was there, and boom! It wasn't. Oh, it was unbelievable. This is big, I'm telling you. This is the big score
AULK: And the crew - there is only two?
SCHLM: Er - and the robot head
AULK: Right. That's all?
AULK: Nobody else?
SCHLM: No. Er - they said something about, er, some assassin or something was onboard, I dunno
AULK: Either there's an assassin onboard, or there isn't
SCHLM: OK, so they said there was, but I don't believe 'em. Why would anyone stay behind, huh? Everybody knows that assassins are crazy for nookie, right?
AULK: Not all of them. Did they say he was dead?
SCHLM: Dead? How could he be dead? It's a crock, all right? They're just pulling my pud (a buzzer sounds) Look, I gotta go here so, you in or what?
AULK: Maybe. 90 10
SCHLM: Oh, we're talking deal huh? I like it (laughs)
AULK: Me 90 you 10
SCHLM: What? Forget about it. There's a lotta guys I could offer this to. I got people -
AULK: Shut up, Schlemmi. Anyway - I'll think about it
SCHLM: Don't think too long, huh?

(Stan hits a button on his machine and a panel opens, showing a screen with Schlemmi on it)

SCHLM: Problem?
STAN: Yes. There is a problem. Your selection sucks! I ordered attractive!
SCHLM: Well, you're seeing top of the line sir. It hasn't been a great year for recruiting. Just dim the lights a little, you'll be fine
STAN: See, I'm getting upset - and when I get upset, I like to cause trouble
SCHLM: I'll, er, see what I can do sir

(He vanishes, reappears. The hologram shows a picture of a rather skinny woman, with big hair)

SCHLM: She's our number one. Hot. Reserved for our top clients. Give her a chance - you won't be disappointed

(Xev is still looking at pictures of hunks)

XEV: No. Close, but no (hologram of 790) No (and then Stan) No!

(Another man - a stud muffin. The hologram speaks)

VARR: My name is Varrtan. My body speaks for itself. My sexual thirst can never be quenched. Love is a fire - and I am the fireman
XEV: Him


(790 is now being offered some pliers)

790: Say - do you have any living well-built male bodies without heads?

(Xev's room. A door bell sounds)

XEV: Come in

(In walks Varrtan, wearing tight gold leggings)

VARR: I am Varrtan
XEV: Are you ever

(Varrtan looks at her - and the poor dumb hunk is smitten)

VARR: You are unbelievably beautiful
XEV: Well, you're not bad yourself

(Xev walks around him, running her fingers over him)

VARR: Oh - a truly extraordinary woman - and well versed in the ways of love
XEV: Not really. I was transformed into a love slave, but -
VARR: But what?
XEV: I've never done it before
VARR: You're joking, of course
XEV: No!
VARR: A virgin?
XEV: (smiles) Not for much longer, am I?

(Stan's room. A door bell sounds)

STAN: Come in

(In comes the rather scrawny woman)

RISSHA: I am Rissha. What is your name?
STAN: Stanley. Stanley Tweedle (stands up) Er, look, er - nothing personal, but um - I was hoping for somebody a little more, um, you know, a little more -

(Rissha looks down at her chest, and holds up her hands to indicate something a little more buxom)

RISSHA: I see. I will go
STAN: Good. I mean, I'm sure you're very nice and everything, but you see, nice isn't exactly what they promised. Does that make me a bad person?
RISSHA: No. You are the customer. You should have what you want
STAN: See, you understand! I mean, all I want is what they said they had, and now it turns out they don't have it, I mean not even close - I mean, personal preference wise

(Rissha moves closer)

RISSHA: You find me unattractive?

(Stan sits down on the bed, trying to dig himself out of this one)

STAN: No, no! No no no no. I didn't mean it like that, I mean, you're not unattractive, I mean, not exactly most attractive either, oh, er, see, what I'm trying to say -
RISSHA: You don't have to say anything. You obviously have certain standards, and expect them to be met
STAN: Well yeah! Exactly. Thank you for seeing that

(Rissha puts her leg up on the bed, strokes it)

RISSHA: It was obvious

(790 still hasn't made a selection)

790: Hello! Is anyone listening? I demand to be taken back to Xev without delay. These others mean nothing to me! Only Xev owns my heart

(The door opens, and someone picks him up)

790: About time
SCHLM: I've been waiting an eternity for someone like you

(790 screams)

(Xev has not made much progress with Varrtan)

XEV: You what?
VARR: I wanna take it slow. Look, my family is deep in debt and I only do this for the money - what little it pays. But Xev - you are too special to waste on some cheap throwaway encounter. I must gaze upon your body, drink you in, kneel at your feet, adore you, savour this sweetest of moments -
XEV: So, let's just get on with it
VARR: Xev, angel -
XEV: I've waited too long. Get naked
VARR: It's not that easy, I mean I -
XEV: What?!
VARR: I love you
XEV: We just met two minutes ago
VARR: I know, but it's real
XEV: Then - take your pants off, and prove it

(She pushes him back onto the bed)

(Schlemmi puts 790 on top of the holo machine, and takes off his dressing gown. Underneath, he's wearing - well, it includes leather harness, fairy lights, frills, black shorts, and a large blue light over his crotch)

SCHLM: It's all the same, after a while. You know - same old this, same old that - it's all flesh on parade. I take a look at everyone who comes in here - it's a job perk

(He flicks a switch, and the blue light starts flashing)

SCHLM: Lemmee tell ya, I've been stinking in a pile of 'em. Fish girls from Pisac 3. Man apes from Remblan 11

(He puts on some glasses, with small lights around eyes, mouth)

SCHLM: I've even tussled with a couple of shell heads in my time. And there's one furry nympho leper that still makes me all squishy inside (laughs) But - my tastes have changed. They - shall we say - evolved?

(He pulls on a rubber glove, with pink fur on the palm)

SCHLM: You're my kind of fun now

(He raises 790 up to his mouth, and waggles his tongue. 790 screams)

(Aulk walks into the lounge, watches a man dressed in lingerie walk into a room in which bleating can be heard. He smiles)

(Stan's room. He and Rissha are now laughing together)

STAN: Um - Rissha? I'm sorry I wasn't very sensitive when you came in first -

(Rissha puts her finger to his lips)

RISSHA: Stan, don't -
STAN: But I was a jerk, insulting you -
RISSHA: I know I'm not - the prettiest flower in the vase
STAN: (laughs) Neither am I
RISSHA: But I could make you very happy, if given a chance

(She runs her hand up his leg, across his crotch, onto his other leg. Stan looks down)

STAN: Yeah? (laughs) Me too. At least, I hope so
RISSHA: Oh, I'm sure that you could
STAN: Yeah, I think so
RISSHA: I know that you could (strokes his face) And Stan?
STAN: Yeah?
RISSHA: I find you very attractive
STAN: (gulps) You - you do?
RISSHA: In an unorthodox kind of way

(She leans him back onto the bed - which is when Aulk comes into the room)

RISSHA: Hey, wait your turn!

(Aulk vaporises her with a blackpak, and laughs)

AULK: Get up, captain. Up!

(Terrified, Stan gets up. Aulk pushes him into the lounge, and vaporises the fat old man. They go into 790's room, where Schlemmi is bent over, shaking, 790 pressed to his flashing blue light. He puts 790 down, takes off his glasses/mouth contraption)

SCHLM: It's - well, it's - it is what it is! (laughs)

(Stan looks sick. Schlemmi holds 790 up for Aulk to see. Poor 790 can only make gibbering noises, his eyes replaced by spinning spirals)

(Meanwhile, Xev is still trying to have her way with Varrtan)

XEV: Get on that bed!
VARR: Please - true love cannot be hurried. The roots must be able to take hold and nourish the ever-blossoming flower -
XEV: Move it!

(She throws him onto the bed, manages to chain his hand to the wall)

VARR: No, Xev, please, please. No, no, no, no, no
XEV: Yes!

(But Aulk and Schlemmi are outside her room, with Stan and 790)

AULK: This better be the one, Schlemmi

(He fires his blackpak, blasting a hole through the wall, and walks into Xev's room. The blast throws Xev back against the wall. Varrtan tries to release his hand, but Aulk vaporises him, and smiles)

790: Darling wonderful Xev! - are you all right?

(Then 790 goes blank again)

AULK: So - we don't need this one?
AULK: She's cute
SCHLM: Yeah - virgin, too
AULK: How do you know?
SCHLM: I listen in (laughs)
AULK: Virgin, huh? You like to experience new things. I like to experience - the new. She's coming with us

(Elsewhere - a white planet. Four men are gambling on some game, similar to roulette. They're all hooked up to IV drips, but otherwise look healthy. Schlemmi appears on a view screen)

SCHLM: Hey Flintock, hey Brose. This is Schlemmi Ackakak, former manager of your skanky semen blasted piss-pit known as Luvliner. That's right, you jar heads - I resign!
FLINT: You're dead, Schlemmi
SCHLM: Me, dead?

(The gamblers all laugh at him)

SCHLM: Now you listen. For years you screwed me while I ran your freak show on that floating toilet - bad pay, no respect. Well, you're gonna have your lips pressed against my butt for a change! So watch your monitors, pimp sisters - it's payback time. Let's party!

(But nothing happens. On the Lexx, Schlemmi turns to look at Stan, who is tied up on the pedestal, as is Xev)

SCHLM: Let's party?
STAN: I can't do it

(Schlemmi switches on a weapon, points it at Stan)

SCHLM: We may need you alive to drive this ship (aims at Xev) - but we don't need Little Miss Hump-Me-Now here. If I raise the voltage on my stinger here, it'll barbecue her brain (laughs) So, like I said - let's party

(He holds the stinger to Xev's neck)

XEV: Don't do it, Stan!

(Stan looks at her, and makes his mind up)

STAN: Lexx - destroy the Luvliner
LEXX: As you request, Stan

(The Lexx blasts Luvliner. The gamblers watch on a screen)

SCHLM: Yes! Woohoo! Goodbye, dog pound. Goodbye, smell of urine and drunken whores, and creepy old men with hair on their backs and their hands down their pants! Seeya, skin lesions and open sores, stained sheets and soiled underwear, everywhere! Goodbye, overall rude behaviour. Bye!

(Stan and Xev try to undo their bonds, but stop when Schlemmi turns back to them)

SCHLM: OK, captain. Tell the bug to set course for Omada 19
STAN: Lexx - set course for Omada 19
SCHLM: So I can deliver my resignation in person (laughs)
LEXX: As you request, Stan

(Aulk walks onto the bridge, dragging Kai's cryopod behind him)

STAN: Oh no
XEV: Put him down!
SCHLM: Who the hell's that?
AULK: The dead frozen assassin
SCHLM: What do we want with him? I mean - whatever keeps you dancing (laughs)
AULK: You moron! Do you know what we've got here? The Lexx! These are the people who stole it from His Shadow
SCHLM: Yeah, so? His Shadow's dead
AULK: I know. But this guy isn't. He's undead. He can still get up and kill - us. This blackpak here just gives him a warm feeling inside. He's indestructible (laughs) I heard there was one of these guys on the ship
SCHLM: How do you know all this stuff?
AULK: Because my ambition extends beyond screwing robot heads
SCHLM: Yeah right, Mister Smart Guy. So if he's so dangerous, why don't we get rid of him?
AULK: That's why I hauled him up here, plug boy

(Aulk kicks the cryopod)

SCHLM: Hey hey hey! Don't do that, you'll wake him up
AULK: No I won't. This is a cryogenic chamber. He's frozen. When he warms up - if he warms up - well, then we have a problem
SCHLM: Hey, it's cool

(Schlemmi fires his stinger at the cryopod)

XEV: Hey!
STAN: Stop it! Stop it, or I'll -
AULK: Or what?

(Aulk walks up to the pedestal, looks at Stan)

AULK: Stop it, or what?
STAN: Stop it, or - or not. Um - keep zapping it if you like, it's your choice
AULK: I choose - to break your finger

(Aulk bends Stan's thumb back until he cries out)

SCHLM: I like the stiff, but how are we getting rid of him?

(Aulk lets go of Stan, looks at Xev)

(A moth flies out of the Lexx, with the cryopod held between its legs. Schlemmi is at the controls)

SCHLM: I don't wanna do this!
AULK: Pay attention
SCHLM: I'm letting go right now!
AULK: No you're not
SCHLM: Hey - how do I know you're not gonna leave me out here and keep the Lexx for yourself?
AULK: I'm not. I love you too much
SCHLM: Yeah. No, I love me too much
AULK: Listen up
SCHLM: What?
AULK: Turn your moth toward the sun
AULK: Because, you're going to fire him into it
SCHLM: What?
AULK: Just to be on the safe side
SCHLM: Yeah, right. Anything you say, Mister Overkill

(The moth heads for the sun)

AULK: Now speed, get more speed
SCHLM: (mimics) Get more speed

(On the bridge. Aulk watches Schlemmi on the view screen)

SCHLM: I don't trust you
AULK: Faster
SCHLM: It's getting hot in here!
AULK: Faster
SCHLM: When?
AULK: Hold it
SCHLM: When?!
AULK: Now! Let it go now!

(The moth lets go. The cryopod spins closer to the sun)

SCHLM: There. Dead guy go bye bye. OK. Coming back now, I'm finished. Can you hear me? I'm coming back to the ship now
AULK: Drive safely
XEV: You will pay!
AULK: No (walks back to her) We will play

(He rubs his hand on her cheek. Xev snarls, and he laughs)

(The Lexx flies away from the sun, as the cryopod gets closer to it. Schlemmi returns to the bridge)

SCHLM: OK - he's history. We're done. Time to make boom boom on Omada 19, huh?
AULK: Yeah. Why not?
SCHLM: Full steam ahead, captain

(Aulk walks up to Xev)

AULK: Nothing but time on our hands now

(He holds a knife up to his mouth)

AULK: So, um, are you - are you really a virgin? Are you?

(Xev growls at him)

AULK: Well, this will be your first (he unties her legs) Your best (hands) And your last

(He pushes Xev to the ground, gets on top of her)

XEV: No!
STAN: Leave her alone!
AULK: That costs you three fingers
SCHLM: I've got some unfinished business myself

(He picks up 790, whose eyes are spirals)

SCHLM: Hi handsome

(790 screams. Stan tries to untie himself, as Xev cries out)

790: I don't care what you do with me - but don't harm Xev!
SCHLM: Don't worry - when Aulk's finished with her there won't be anything left to harm. He's sick (laughs) Come on, baby

(Schlemmi sticks out his tongue, and 790 screams)

(Near the sun, the cryopod is starting to warm up)

(Aulk rolls Xev onto her back, and puts his knife to her throat)

AULK: And just when I thought it would never be special again

(He hums, and takes off his blackpak. Xev growls)

AULK: I like the growl, baby
XEV: You shouldn't
AULK: Why not?
XEV: Because it's a Cluster lizard growl
AULK: Oh really?
XEV: Really. I'm part Cluster lizard

(She pushes him off her. The knife goes flying. She punches him)

XEV: For Kai!

(Schlemmi drops 790. Xev hits Aulk again)

XEV: For Stan!
STAN: Yeah, come on, get 'em Xev!
XEV: For 790! And my date!

(Aulk falls to the floor)

XEV: Stan, go after Kai's body
STAN: Lexx - go after Kai's body
LEXX: It is very hot - but as you request, Stan

(Xev reaches for the blackpak)

SCHLM: Hey - I wouldn't do that if I were you

(Schlemmi aims his stinger at her)

SCHLM: Come on - gimmee a reason, huh? Go for it (laughs)

(Aulk stands up, gets his knife)

AULK: Bad girl
SCHLM: Come on, go for it - where you want it, huh?

(Xev goes for the gun, and Schlemmi zaps her)

STAN: Lexx - hard left, now!

(The Lexx turns, and everyone falls over. The blackpak rolls to the edge of the bridge. Xev gets up first, and kicks Aulk)

STAN: That's it, Xev!

(Xev grabs the blackpak - and Aulk grabs her. The blackpak falls off the bridge)

AULK: We'll have to skip the nasty, and cut straight to the fun. It's too bad for you
XEV:(sarcastic) I'm heartbroken
790: Get to her - go through me first!

(Xev is thrown onto her back again. Aulk pushes her to the edge of the bridge. Schlemmi looks at Stan)

SCHLM: No more tricks. Reverse course

(But Stan says nothing)

SCHLM: Do it, you!
790: Kill Tweedle - leave Xev

(Xev growls, and bites Aulk's nose. He pushes her down)

AULK: You're strong for a girl - but not strong enough

(He pushes her over the edge. 790 screams. Xev's bonds catch on a bar sticking out from under the bridge. Aulk gets out his knife)

790: Xev!
SCHLM: Reverse course!

(He aims his stinger at Stan. Aulk crawls out to Xev)

XEV: No!

(The Lexx is now close enough to the sun to see the cryopod)

STAN: Lexx - I command you to - I command you to - get that cryopod!
SCHLM: Oh, I'm gonna have to hurt you now

(Schlemmi zaps Stan)

(In the cryopod, Kai opens his eyes. He pushes the cryopod door off, and fires his brace at the Lexx)

(Xev is still dangling. Aulk cuts at the bonds holding her up)

XEV: No!
AULK: You've got a lot of spunk. It would've been a ride to remember

(Kai swings down onto the bridge. Xev falls. Kai's brace catches her wrist, pulls her back onto the bridge. Xev punches Aulk, knocking him off the edge)

XEV: Now that's a ride for you to remember!

(Later, on the bridge. Stan, Xev and Kai are standing looking at Schlemmi - who is on his knees)

SCHLM: You have no idea what a horrible influence that guy was on me. He - he owned me. He controlled me. He forced me to commit terrible crimes! But thanks to you dear, special, and wonderful people, I am delivered from that unspeakable fiend. And now, I can devote myself to the charitable work that I've always aspired to. Oh - thank you, thank you. Thank you

(Stan and Xev look at each other, then at Kai - who readies his brace)

(Later, in the cryochamber. Kai is back in his cryopod)

STAN: Next time we go to a brothel, I'm taking you with me pal, as a bodyguard
KAI: I am well suited to that position, Stanley
XEV: Well, sorry for putting you in such jeopardy Kai
KAI: You were only trying to meet your needs

(The cryopod closes. Stan looks at Xev)

STAN: I still have some needs
790: Your life will end in pain
XEV: Me too, Stan

(They stand face to face)

XEV: And after what we've just been through, I know exactly what I'm looking for in a man
STAN: Oh yeah?
XEV: Yes. He needs to be tall -
STAN: (pulls himself up) Yeah
XEV: Handsome -
STAN: (laughs) Yeah
XEV: And - dead

(She walks away)

STAN: Dead

(Meanwhile, a shell made of Lexx membrane hurtles towards Omada 19. On the surface the gamblers are watching Schlemmi's resignation)

FLINT: Play that last part again for me, will ya?
SCHLM: For years you screwed me while I ran your freak show on that floating toilet - bad pay, no respect. Well, you're gonna have your lips pressed against my butt for a change! So watch your monitors, pimp sisters - it's payback time

(The shell crashes through the ceiling. Schlemmi emerges from it, upside down)

SCHLM: Hi fellas
FLINT: Hi Schlemmi (laughs)

© Filking Fairy

© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana

Что-то было
Что-то есть.
Все идет своим чередом.
Что мы видим сейчас
Что случилось до нас
Все вновь повторится потом.