Lexx 2.02 Terminal
(written by Jeffrey Hirschfield)
(The Lexx flies through space. Zev is in her bedchamber,
ZEV: Yo A Yo, Hom Var Ray, Yo A Ra, Jerum
Yo A Yo, Hom Var Ray, Yo A Ra, Jerum Brunnen G
Yo A Ra, Jerum
(Stan is there, and starts to sing. Zev lies
STAN: You need a man, a red hot loving Stan
If you wanna be
satisfied, I'm your guy, forget Kai
(790 joins in)
You need me, 790, I have the technology for thee, sweet pea
(Zev puts her hands over her ears)
790: Me! Why should she want you?
STAN: Because I'm a man, you're a
790: You're a man? That's news
STAN: Well, you're a can - not
790: At least I can sing
STAN: So can I
790: Since when? You're
not wanted here, leave!
STAN: You leave!
(Zev sits up and puts her boots on)
Where are you going?
790: Yes, where?
ZEV: To wake Kai
790: Yes, what for?
ZEV: To sing to, to talk to, I don't
STAN: Zev, come on now. You know dead man only has a limited amount of -
ZEV: He has enough protoblood to last for months
STAN: Months fly
ZEV: And cryostasis gives him years
STAN: Look, if you wanna sing gorgeous, sing to me!
Sing to me!
(The cryochamber. Zev and 790 watch as Stan pushes
ZEV: I know how to open his pod myself, you know
Yeah, but I'm almost certified. It's a delicate machine, you gotta have the
790: Exactly - so you're excluded. Stand aside and let me direct
STAN: I know what I'm doing
790: Since when?
ZEV: Just open
(The cryopod opens)
790: Not like that,
you got the order all wrong
KAI: I kill you now in the name of His Divine
(Kai fires his brace into Stan's heart. Zev catches Stan as he
790: Oh yeah!
KAI: We must
freeze him, now
(Kai gets out of his cryopod, puts Stan inside, and
goes over to the controls)
790: Wait - the key! He has to give up
the key to the Lexx or we're helpless
KAI: That's true. It's up to you Zev. A
living key must pass to a living creature
(Zev holds Stan's
ZEV: Stanley? Give me the key
STAN: Captain Stan
Stanley, I need it to save you, to save us all
(Zev holds up her
STAN: You're cute
ZEV: Please Stan, please
late for work - I gotta - I gotta -
ZEV: Come on, Stanley, surrender the
(In desperation, she kisses him)
ZEV: Surrender the
key to me
STAN: Oh yeah
(The key jumps to Zev's right hand,
knocking her backwards. Kai closes the cryopod. Zev looks at her
790: Isn't it wonderful how some days turn out?
the bridge. Zev stands on the pedestal as 790 looks at planets on the view
790: I don't understand why you insist that I keep wasting
countless hours executing your search. We should be celebrating!
790: As you wish, luscious dish
ZEV: The protein regenerator
was able to repair Stan's hand before. Why wouldn't it work now?
heart is shattered. He would suffer brain death long before we could repair
ZEV: That wasn't your fault, Kai. It was Stan's. He didn't work it
KAI: I am aware of that
ZEV: You are not His Shadow's assassin
KAI: Stan might disagree
ZEV: But you also saved his life many
times - mine too
KAI: I have ended countless more lives than I have
ZEV: No, that wasn't you, that was His Shadow controlling you
790: Horrible news
790: There's hope
(On view screen, a picture of MedSat. A woman's voice
gives the sales pitch)
This is MedSat medical terminal, proud home
of the finest physicians in the Quadra system. If it's broken, we can mend it.
If it's bleeding, we can stem it. If it's spreading, we can halt it. If it's
sagging we can lift it. MedSat - where medicine is at. Professional. Affordable.
Receiving patients now
790: Will that do?
(Zev activates the
ZEV: Lexx - set course for that satellite
LEXX: As you
(MedSat, in front of a red moon)
MedSat medical terminal, this is Zev of B3K. I'm acting captain of the space
vessel Lexx. We've an emergency with one of our crew, and we need to bring him
(A receptionist appears on the view screen)
What is the nature of your medical emergency?
ZEV: Our captain has had his
heart badly punctured
GIRL: One moment please
(Screen goes blank,
then she returns)
GIRL: Do you have a Q4A5 planet insurance
GIRL: A D class standard waiver?
Any waivers of any kind?
GIRL: Then cash will be fine
GIRL: Precious metals or bankable equivalent
ZEV: We have no
precious metals or bankable anything
GIRL: Then your situation becomes a
ZEV: What's that?
ZEV: You can't do
GIRL: I'm afraid I have no choice. Policy is policy
KAI: We will pay
GIRL: I'm sorry, MedSat does not accept credit
gets down from the pedestal)
ZEV: This is an emergency
understand. Please inform the next person to appear on the screen
lady - watch
(Zev gets back on the pedestal, and activates the
ZEV: Lexx - blow up that little red moon we just
LEXX: As you command, captain
(Lexx powers up - and blasts
the red moon behind MedSat. The girl disappears and is replaced by a
FLAG: I'm Dr Flag, chief administrator of this facility. I
understand that you have a medical problem?
ZEV: And a money problem
(laughs) We aren't the sort to get hung up over money, when a person's
life hangs in the balance. How can we help?
(Moth flies to MedSat.
Inside Stan is on a hovering stretcher, surrounded by nurses. Zev and Kai, with
FLAG: Once again I apologise for your initial
reception. Our primary responsibility is to help people in need, regardless of
their financial situation. Anyway, I am pleased to inform you that your captain
has been assigned to a top surgeon, the very eminent -
KAZAN: Dr Kazan, at
your service. Let me add my voice to the criticism of your rude welcome. I
promise you that the quality of surgery here on MedSat is better than the
administration. They sometimes forget that (shouts) - human lives are
What caused the injury?
KAI: I punctured him - with
(He shows the doctor his brace)
ZEV: It was an
790: A beautiful, wonderful accident
FLAG: We'll fix him up, as
good as new
790: Don't knock yourself out
KAZAN: My team is
the best of the best, but this looks like no mere cardial rupture. His heart has
been pulverised. I won't feed you any promises but - what would we be if we
didn't try. Let's go people
(The nurses take Stan away. Dr Kazan puts
on a surgical gown)
KAZAN: Let's get to work
examine Stan. Zev, Kai and 790 watch from a gallery)
ZEV: Dr Kazan
seems to know exactly what he is doing
790: Ha - if he knew what he was
doing, he would promptly kill Tweedle and then himself
ZEV: Maybe I should
get you rewired while we're here
790: I only say these things because I'm
crazy about you
(Zev has a nap while Kai watches the operation. The
doctors - Kazan, Funz and Veezra - take Stan's heart out, put it in a jar, then
place it in a machine, which regenerates it. Kazan puts the heart back in Stan's
VEEZRA: He must be some kind of warrior. Those clothes, that
KAZAN: That weapon
FUNZ: There's no question that he's potentially
dangerous - beautiful incision, doctor
KAZAN: And yet he's strangely benign
KAZAN: Very curious
(Blood spurts onto his face)
KAZAN: Cauterise that artery, please
(Zev wakes up and
stands next to Kai, watches Dr Kazan seal the incision)
Splendidly done, doctors
(He makes a thumbs up sign at Zev and Kai.
Zev hugs Kai, and kisses him)
790: The dream is
(Stan's stretcher comes out of the operating theatre. Nurses
hook it up to the wall, and cover Stan with a transparent plastic wrap. Zev and
Kai talk to the doctors)
FUNZ: I have to admit it was touch and go
there for a while, but there is no reason your captain shouldn't make a full
ZEV: Thank you Dr Funz, Dr Veezra
(Zev shakes hands with
them, so does Kai)
FUNZ: Good luck then
KAI: Thank you
KAI: Thank you
(Funz and Veezra
KAZAN: It will be some time before he wakes, as much as a day
or two. We have some rooms available, if you -
KAI: Thank you, but I will
stay here with Stanley
KAZAN: As you wish. Then perhaps some food would be in
KAI: I do not eat
KAZAN: How about you, Zev? Would you care to join
me for dinner?
ZEV: Oh, I'd like that
790: Let's go then
ZEV: You are
not going anywhere - you don't eat either
790: But darling -
hands 790 to Kai)
ZEV: No, you're going to stay here with Kai. Stan
790: You need me, to save you from that shifty hack of a
(Zev and Dr Kazan leave)
790: So heartless. So
cruel. So delicious
(In a corridor, Zev and Dr Kazan met Mrs Deebee,
an old lady in a hover chair)
DEEBEE: Dr Kazan! Dr Kazan! Dr Kazan,
did you hear? It's official. I've made a complete recovery
excellent news Mrs Deebee
DEEBEE: My tumour's gone. My pains are gone and
I've got the rest of my life back. And all because of you KAZAN: I'm only one
member of a highly dedicated team, Mrs Deebee
DEEBEE: Doctor, I am dedicated
(She winks at Zev)
DEEBEE: Isn't he just so good
looking? (blows a kiss) Thank you
(Mrs Deebee leaves. Zev
takes Dr Kazan's arm)
ZEV: Shall we?
(They take a booth
in some sort of restaurant, and have blue drinks)
KAZAN: The gallant
crew of the Lexx. I have to say that I feel rather ordinary next to you. To Zev.
May your every wish be realised
ZEV: I - wish to be kissed
KAZAN: Show me that trick you do with your hand again
I can do many tricks with my hand
(Dr Kazan looks at her
KAZAN: How exactly did Stan pass it to you?
ZEV: I don't
know, he transferred it to me as he was dying
(Dr Kazan strokes Zev's
KAZAN: Was it automatic, or did it require an act of will on
ZEV: I don't know. I really don't know how it works
beam of energy locked inside your body - mysterious, alluring, powerful - very
much like you
(He kisses her hand)
ZEV: Go on
You have a force, a burning vitality. I know you. It sounds crazy, but I do. You
wear your destiny on your skin. You're one of the chosen
ZEV: I wouldn't go
KAZAN: Zev - where do you see yourself in five years?
don't know - maybe on a nice planet I can call home, with someone
(They kiss again, then he pulls back)
KAZAN: I can't do this, not with you. I shouldn't have seduced you
into accepting what you already know. I lied, Zev. I'm not ordinary. Not next to
you, not next to anybody. What I really feel is that you are my equal. You and
me, Zev, are meant to be partners in greatness. Your home will not be a hut on
some swampy outback planet -
ZEV: That's not what I had in mind
your home will be the entire universe, aboard the starship Lexx, with me at your
ZEV: You want to join the crew?
KAZAN: We'll be the crew - you and
ZEV: What about the others?
KAZAN: Leave them behind
ZEV: I can't,
not just like that
KAZAN: Be bold, Zev, don't compromise yourself for
sentiment. Together we can own the universe. You know this is what you want. You
are one of the chosen, we both are. Seize your fate
ZEV: Can't we just have
KAZAN: Look - I need you. You need me. We will make a great
team. But if you insist on making a foolish choice, to stay with the others -
ZEV: What is so foolish about it?
KAZAN: Stan is weak and pathetic. Kai
is an undead freak of science, and the robot is a cartoon!
ZEV: Who do you
think you are?!
KAZAN: Forgive me my darling. I've offended you. It's just
that I - I so hoped this next step would be unnecessary
something into Zev's back. She pulls it out, looks at it, then passes out. Dr
Kazan speaks into a communicator)
KAZAN: Kazan here. We're away. Be
(Kai and 790 are sitting by Stan's bed)
couldn't be simpler. Take me to Zev, come back, and Stan will still be
KAI: Zev wants to be alone
790: No, she only thinks she wants to be
alone - what was that?
KAI: What was what?
790: I heard
(Kai stands up, as gas fills the room)
What's that? It's - Zev! Zev!
(790 makes choking noises. The doors
open and two people enter, wearing protective suits)
(They tap on Kai's forehead, wave a hand in front of his eyes -
the gas has frozen him solid. The people throw 790 into a bin, then take Kai
(Zev is strapped to a medical bed, drowsily
ZEV: Yo A O, Hom Var Ray
(The three doctors look
down at her)
ZEV: Hi there. Yo A Ra
KAZAN: Everything we want.
Anytime we want it
FUNZ: Name it
VEEZRA: Dream it
VEEZRA: A place beyond money
FUNZ: Raw and unlimited
KAZAN: And nothing else matters
First thing we learned in medical school
FUNZ: We've even got matching
(They have, on their wrists)
(They move their arms away, revealing some nasty looking
FUNZ: We suspect the key can be released as an act of will.
We know it can be released at the point of death. And as doctors, we know that
the will can be broken at the point of death. So, better to offer us the key, if
you can. Should we have to go in there and try to get it, things could get
ZEV: I used to be ugly
VEEZRA: None of us wants that
risks are enormous. Why die for those ridiculous characters you call a crew?
We're your friends. They're your handicap
ZEV: My friends?
FUNZ: Ah, it
could be so special. Good luck
(Veezra kisses her. The doctors walk
away. Everything goes dark)
ZEV: Bye bye - ah!
has taken a blood sample from her)
ZEV: You're welcome
We're ready. Are you?
(A probe is lowered down - then Mrs Deebee
DEEBEE: Dr Kazan! Dr Kazan! Dr Kazan! Dr Kazan, I've
looked everywhere for you
ZEV: Help me. Help me
DEEBEE: My dear, relax,
you've got all the help you need with our Dr Kazan. Doctor, they are releasing
me tomorrow, but I do not want to leave without thanking you again. I owe you my
KAZAN: What you owe me, you insipid old cow, is a fortune in
bills, so trade in your gratitude for some cash
DEEBEE: But doctor, really
KAZAN: And here's the best part - there was never anything wrong with you,
not a thing. You never had a tumour. We went in, poked around, messed things up
a little to ensure your speedy return, emptied your purse and sewed you
DEEBEE: What? I didn't have a tumour?
KAZAN: Mrs Deebee - you are a
(He kicks her chair away and she floats off into
KAZAN: Last chance, Zev. Close your eyes, concentrate and
surrender to me
KAZAN: The hand that heals becomes the hand that
steals. Let's start with an artery probe
(Elsewhere, Funz and Veezra are experimenting on a piece of
FUNZ: Look how quickly his flesh reconstitutes -
VEEZRA: Perhaps we could dissolve it in acid
FUNZ: A brilliant
idea, from a brilliant woman
(Veezra pours acid on the sample of
flesh. Kai is held in a tube by metal bands. Funz activates a close up hologram
of Kai's head)
FUNZ: Do you hear me, sir?
KAI: Yes, I can hear
FUNZ: I have to say, you are hard to kill
KAI: That has not always
been the case
FUNZ: So, the question is - how do we kill you?
answer is, I am already dead - as you soon may be
VEEZRA: I'll bet you're
feeling a little angry right now
KAI: Feelings don't enter into it
You should be thanking us for our efforts. For a creature like yourself, eternal
peace would be a blessing
KAI: On some other occasion, perhaps
acid didn't work. Why don't we just keep him frozen?
FUNZ: Because if he ever
thaws out, he will certainly come after us - won't you, my friend?
KAI: Yes I
VEEZRA: We can blow up MedSat with him on it when we leave
won't stop you, will it?
FUNZ: Besides, I can't resist the
challenge. It seems clear that you will be able to rematerialise unless we break
you down into subatomic particles. Our satellite drive is powered by a plasma
beam from the ion furnace. I'm going to redirect that beam right into your face.
What do you think of my plan, dead man?
KAI: Fire away
VEEZRA: Your plan
might break up MedSat too
FUNZ: Not if I'm smart - which of course, I
(Back to Zev - her hand has been strapped into an upright
KAZAN: I used to believe that the doctor thing was
selfless and noble. I would say "What would we be, if we didn't try?" and
actually mean it - then it just became a line. Guaranteed panty remover. It
worked on you. Of course, being a love slave your panties aren't exactly glued
on, are they? What I do is not noble, Zev, far from it. But I do beautiful work.
Perfect work, on undeserving losers
ZEV: Poor you
KAZAN: Patients are
wallets, wallets with entrails, and I reach my hands down into those greasy guts
and stitch them up - for what? Little dribs and drabs of money. But not any
longer, because I will have the Lexx
ZEV: At least you're honest
Honest, young, gifted and gorgeous! We don't have to do this, Zev. Let me have
(He gives her an injection. His assistant Berg
is looking at a holodisplay)
BERG: Dr Kazan - I think maybe you
should hold off on the juice
KAZAN: Excuse me?
BERG: There's something
about her DNA that's a little - unfamiliar
KAZAN: She's got the key to the
Lexx buried in it
BERG: Maybe, but that's not what I mean. I need more time
to analyse her cell structure
KAZAN: You don't have it
BERG: I'm telling
you that there are some truly abnormal elements
KAZAN: So figure them out,
that's your job
(He injects some green stuff into
ZEV: I'm keeping the key
KAZAN: We'll see about that. This
will sting a bit - a lot, actually
(Electricity crackles through
(790 reboots, spouting gibberish)
790: Wake up Tweedle,
wake up! Guh! Wake up, Tweedle, wake up - Yes!
(790 finally gets the
lights to start up on Stan's stretcher/bed. It starts to move)
(Zev is in convulsions)
ASST: 20% - 18% - 12% - 8% -
ASST: 5% - 3%
ASST: She'll die!
KAZAN: Die? Maybe. Obey - certainly. Give it up
ASST: 2% - 1 %
(Zev doesn't look at all
ASST: She's at the point of death
(Dr Kazan holds
up his hand. Zev's hand is glowing now)
KAZAN: Well, well - I knew
(The key starts to transfer)
KAZAN: That's right,
that's right, come to papa, looking good
BERG: Oh my - um, doctor?
Not now, Berg
BERG: Excuse me, but I insist that -
KAZAN: I said not now,
Berg. I win - again
BERG: Doctor - she's not entirely human
KAZAN: I can't
hear you, Berg
(Berg comes over to the bed)
not all human
KAZAN: Not human? What the hell is she then?
BERG: Some kind
KAZAN: A reptile?
(The key suddenly shoots back into
Zev's hand. Her skin starts to become scaly, and she transforms into a Cluster
lizard. Everyone runs. The lizard rolls off the bed, screams, and kills Berg.
Kazan watches, terrified. The lizard rolls away into the darkness. Kazan emerges
from hiding, then hears something drip behind him. He turns to see the lizard
looming over him)
KAZAN: I saved your captain. I saved him. I know
where Kai is. If you kill me now, you don't know where to find
(The lizard seems unimpressed)
KAZAN: I'm too
beautiful to die!
(No, he isn't)
(Stan wakes up, to find he is
on a bed being steered through corridors by 790)
790: Zev! Zev,
where are you, Zev?
790: It wakes
STAN: Where am I?
MedSat medical terminal
STAN: MedSat? What is this stuff?
pulls at the plastic wrap covering him)
790: The doctors who healed
you have taken Zev. We have to find her!
(Stan manages to pull the
wrap off, and throws it onto 790)
790: The wrap!
STAN: What's the
matter with this thing?
790: Get the wrap off my eyes, I'm losing
(The bed changes direction, heading for some medical staff
in the corridor)
STAN: We're gonna hit 'em, do
(He throws the wrap away. 790 dodges the people - then
they see the lizard. It unrolls, rears up at the foot of the bed, and
STAN: Aah! Eat the robot!
790: Zev! Is it you?
790: I told you that doctor was a quack
(The lizard rolls
STAN: Come on, follow her
790: I'm trying
790: I hate you
STAN: Come on
(Kai is still in his
restraints. The doctors put on goggles, as an assistant pushes a panel, and
circles of green light run down Kai's body. His eyes begin to glow, as a pink
energy comes off him. The experiment stops)
And that was just a test. This is definitely going to work. OK - full
(The assistant hits two panels, starting the beam of light. The
lizard comes through the door, and hisses at the doctors, then sees Kai. The
lizard rolls and knocks Kai out of the beam, but gets trapped. The doctors hit
two more panels, increasing the strength of the beam, but Kai uses metal panels
to deflect the beam onto the doctors, who are vaporised. The lizard writhes,
until Kai turns off the beam. Zev returns to human form, but glowing yellow.
Stan and 790 arrive, as Kai pulls wires out of his hair)
(Stan gets off the bed and walks to Zev. So does
STAN: We have to do something
KAI: I believe we
are too late
790: No, no
ZEV: Goodbye. Thank you
(She smiles at
ZEV: I had a good life with you guys. I did all right for a
girl who grew up in a box
STAN: You can't die. You can't
shakes his head)
ZEV: I'll miss you
(Stan looks so sad.
(He looks at her)
(Zev holds up her hand. Stan holds up his hand, and looks at
her as the key goes back to him. Kai looks away, looks back. Zev is glowing. 790
is sobbing. Zev looks at Kai one last time - and dissolves into yellow
(Kai gets a glass bowl, and starts scooping
up the yellow goo)
STAN: What are you doing?
KAI: Bringing Zev
(He fishes out a black rubber part of her costume)
Lexx pulls away from MedSat. In the cryochamber, Zev's remains are in a big
glass jar with metal handles, which Stan places at the base of a
790: Forever, by the Zev, Zev, Forever by Zev I did
STAN: I'm gonna turn the Lexx around and I'm gonna blow the MedSat
medical terminal into dust!
790: Hear hear!
KAI: That's revenge. Do you
think it is an acceptable motivation?
STAN: I don't care
KAI: Those who
did this to her are already dead
STAN: Well, that's just gonna take some of
the fun out of it
KAI: Zev died saving us
(Kai puts his hand on
KAI: It would not be her wish
STAN: Yeah, just
like her. Deny me everything
(Stan walks away. 790 sits beside Zev's
jar, sobbing. The Lexx flies away from MedSat - so they don't see the Mantrid
drone arms arrive, and devour it. The drone arms form the shape of the Divine
Order icon, then fly away)
© Filking Fairy
© LEXX - LIGHT ZONE 2005 HELEN & Trulyalyana