1 00:00:01,798 --> 00:00:03,798 I am the Lexx 2 00:00:03,799 --> 00:00:08,506 I am the most powerful weapon of distraction in the two Universes. 3 00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:29,900 LEXX: Rated 4 00:00:32,140 --> 00:00:34,290 This is the Lexx. It’s a spaceship. 5 00:00:34,708 --> 00:00:37,452 But it’s also a big bug. And this is me. 6 00:00:37,890 --> 00:00:40,793 Again. Ok, ok! So I’m a robothead! 7 00:00:41,430 --> 00:00:44,613 But just for now I hope. Lexx, let’s tell our story. 8 00:00:45,491 --> 00:00:50,735 We can only tell our story so far because our story is far from over. 9 00:00:51,645 --> 00:00:56,275 While traveling along just now I into a time space anomaly. 10 00:00:56,963 --> 00:01:01,026 And I think the anomaly is giving me a strangely clear sense of clarity is that 11 00:01:01,084 --> 00:01:03,752 who I am or rather clearly was. 12 00:01:04,157 --> 00:01:08,227 And I am experiencing an unfamiliar lucidity as well. 13 00:01:08,497 --> 00:01:12,091 Relative lucidity… You can start telling our story now, Lexx. 14 00:01:12,445 --> 00:01:16,785 My captain is Stanley Tweedle. I do everything he commands. 15 00:01:21,463 --> 00:01:23,190 The utterly useless, 16 00:01:26,572 --> 00:01:28,596 totally incompetent, 17 00:01:29,849 --> 00:01:31,908 incredibly repulsive, 18 00:01:33,591 --> 00:01:35,536 completely cowardly, 19 00:01:35,537 --> 00:01:37,257 We worship His Shadow and beg his forgiveness 20 00:01:37,258 --> 00:01:39,386 absolutely abominable 21 00:01:40,241 --> 00:01:44,917 Stanley H Tweedle is unfortunately in fact our captain. 22 00:01:45,599 --> 00:01:49,757 And he’s constantly getting himself and everyone else in problems. 23 00:01:50,294 --> 00:01:51,795 I must be in the wrong place. 24 00:01:53,009 --> 00:02:01,332 Not at all, Stan. You're exactly in the right place, for what I have in mind. 25 00:02:03,561 --> 00:02:07,716 But there’s also two other crew members: the dead man Kai and Zev… 26 00:02:08,689 --> 00:02:11,600 gorgeous wonderful likable Zev! 27 00:02:12,121 --> 00:02:15,510 If I only had a tongue I would place it on her lips. 28 00:02:15,629 --> 00:02:18,674 If I only had a tongue I would slide it down her hips. 29 00:02:18,870 --> 00:02:22,200 If I only had a tongue I would make her grunt and squeak. 30 00:02:22,477 --> 00:02:25,963 If I only had a tongue I would plant it on her kip. 31 00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:29,051 I thought that we were going to tell our story so far. 32 00:02:29,619 --> 00:02:34,025 Sorry. Let’s go back to the security guard. Get that out of the way first. 33 00:02:34,498 --> 00:02:38,917 Stanley Tweedle was one of the Ostral B heretics, the enemies of the Divine Order. 34 00:02:39,623 --> 00:02:42,123 The one day coming back from a sex satellite 35 00:02:42,267 --> 00:02:44,689 he let His Shadow’s forces right into his own camp. 36 00:02:44,902 --> 00:02:47,255 Vessel approaching at 3 quadrant, identify yourself 37 00:02:47,656 --> 00:02:50,977 It's me, assistant deputy backup courier Stanley Tweedle. 38 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:54,251 All vessels to battle stations! League intruder approaching in 3 quadrant 39 00:02:54,515 --> 00:02:58,987 No, it's me, Stanley Tweedle, assistant deputy backup courier. 40 00:02:59,113 --> 00:03:01,400 I was just visiting the Celes pleasure transport 41 00:03:12,728 --> 00:03:14,562 Divine Shadow upon me! 42 00:03:37,596 --> 00:03:41,407 All the Ostral B heretics were killed except Stanley Tweedle. 43 00:03:42,966 --> 00:03:44,683 Ostral B heretics, come in. 44 00:03:45,154 --> 00:03:48,145 This is assistant deputy backup courier Stanley Tweedle. 45 00:03:49,239 --> 00:03:51,140 I'm low on air and awaiting instructions. 46 00:03:55,190 --> 00:03:57,988 Ostral B heretics please come in. 47 00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:01,509 This is assistant deputy backup courier Stanley Tweedle. 48 00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:03,515 Awaiting instructions. 49 00:04:07,889 --> 00:04:12,274 This is SubCom Feppo, Ostral B Sector 245 command. 50 00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:17,008 Tell us where you are, Stanley Tweedle, and we'll come and say hello 51 00:04:17,119 --> 00:04:19,097 I'm transmitting my co-ordinates - 52 00:04:25,870 --> 00:04:28,815 Can't you tell where I am by my signal, SubCom Feppo? 53 00:04:29,308 --> 00:04:33,622 Your direct signal is too weak. We are reconstructing reflections 54 00:04:34,876 --> 00:04:36,332 How do I know you're the real thing? 55 00:04:36,953 --> 00:04:40,895 Who else would be way out here scanning low power signals? 56 00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:42,585 Mercenaries 57 00:04:45,738 --> 00:04:49,022 Suffocation is not exactly a nice way to die. 58 00:04:50,453 --> 00:04:54,800 Tell me Stanley, how often do ships normally pass this way? 59 00:04:57,071 --> 00:05:04,078 And aren't we both transmitting on an encrypted stream I didn't know any mercenaries had access to? 60 00:05:06,135 --> 00:05:08,018 OK, I buy that 61 00:05:11,272 --> 00:05:15,388 Thank you, Stanley Tweedle. And Stanley? 62 00:05:16,189 --> 00:05:17,460 Yes, SubCom Feppo? 63 00:05:18,965 --> 00:05:22,311 How do spell sucker? sucker? sucker? 64 00:05:25,694 --> 00:05:28,162 Stanly did not exactly hold up on the torture. 65 00:05:28,735 --> 00:05:32,450 And the Divine Order soon found the amino acids codes hidden in his teeth, 66 00:05:32,535 --> 00:05:35,670 which they used to destroy the 94 reform planets. 67 00:05:40,785 --> 00:05:43,964 Stanley himself was taken on the Cluster and made a security guard. 68 00:05:44,632 --> 00:05:48,057 And has been famous as the arch traitor Stanley Tweedle ever since. 69 00:05:49,845 --> 00:05:55,155 You! You, I know you! Stanley Tweedle - it's him! 70 00:05:55,749 --> 00:05:57,935 Stanley Tweedle! Murderer! 71 00:06:00,939 --> 00:06:02,678 Stanley Tweedle! 72 00:06:07,058 --> 00:06:10,060 But Stanly could not cut it. Even as a fourth class security guard. 73 00:06:10,284 --> 00:06:12,431 And it wasn’t long before he was in trouble again. 74 00:06:12,650 --> 00:06:15,985 You must enter yourself into correction centre number 40 75 00:06:16,403 --> 00:06:20,599 before watch change today, Stan… Stanley Tweedle. 76 00:06:20,937 --> 00:06:24,846 And may His Merciful Shadow fall upon you 77 00:06:44,417 --> 00:06:50,834 I was supposed to escort a prisoner here - Stanley Tweedle 467329-43 Department 511 Level 4 78 00:06:51,239 --> 00:06:51,735 Yeah? 79 00:06:51,882 --> 00:06:53,541 He is refusing to turn himself in 80 00:06:54,825 --> 00:06:55,367 Yeah? 81 00:06:55,719 --> 00:06:58,858 I thought that if you told me what his punishment would be for not showing up, 82 00:06:59,039 --> 00:06:59,859 that might help persuade him 83 00:07:00,351 --> 00:07:02,412 Oh - give me that number again 84 00:07:02,824 --> 00:07:06,860 467329-43 Department 511 Level 4 85 00:07:09,989 --> 00:07:14,797 If he's not here when we close at watch change - termination order will be issued automatically. 86 00:07:15,563 --> 00:07:17,244 That's about, er, twenty minutes 87 00:07:18,445 --> 00:07:19,579 Termination?! 88 00:07:20,334 --> 00:07:21,786 That's what it says - termination 89 00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,087 But he's a designated data co-operator, 90 00:07:24,159 --> 00:07:27,711 he can't be terminated because he might be needed someday for important information 91 00:07:28,668 --> 00:07:34,469 DDC, eh? Oh, sorry - that expired five months ago. 92 00:07:35,516 --> 00:07:41,162 Let's see - he's a level 4, class 47 transgression, normally - cauterisation. 93 00:07:41,853 --> 00:07:48,297 But he's got 991 demerits and there's a special rotation so, looks like 1 to 3 organs 94 00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:53,658 1 to 3 organs? 95 00:07:53,946 --> 00:07:57,208 He'll have to donate 1 to 3 organs, depending on demand 96 00:07:57,468 --> 00:07:57,927 Demand? 97 00:07:58,681 --> 00:08:02,566 Demand for soft organs is red hot right now, so he's pretty sure to be a triple donor 98 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,523 But he didn't do anything, it's just a mix-up! 99 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,206 Life's a mix-up, huh? 100 00:08:16,578 --> 00:08:17,265 What organs? 101 00:08:18,574 --> 00:08:22,326 Usual combo - eyeball, kidney, testicle. 102 00:08:23,434 --> 00:08:28,275 If they want bone, they'll take an arm or a leg, but we haven't done a limb cut in days. 103 00:08:28,393 --> 00:08:30,812 I'd suggest he turn himself in. 104 00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:34,467 After all - triple organ's better than a termination. 105 00:08:41,212 --> 00:08:43,117 Hh - may His Merciful Shadow fall upon you 106 00:08:56,609 --> 00:08:59,650 Stanley Tweedle did not do well under adverse circumstances… 107 00:09:00,305 --> 00:09:03,317 and his circumstances were becoming more and more adverse. 108 00:09:04,850 --> 00:09:08,615 3 organs. 3 organs. 109 00:09:10,743 --> 00:09:11,927 Better than termination… 110 00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:24,902 This correction centre is now closed 111 00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:34,867 It's me! I'm here, I am! 112 00:09:38,785 --> 00:09:41,597 Fugitive alert. Fugitive alert. 113 00:09:41,598 --> 00:09:44,410 This fugitive wanted, for immediate termination 114 00:09:47,711 --> 00:09:50,911 Subtitles: Lunatic, Bankolya, HELEN